My Father was convicted of sexual assault on 17 year old, should I let him see my kids + MORE

But can you understand why I get annoyed when people don't differentiate between rape and sexual assualt

my response to that person having ANY access to my children would be the same whether rape OR sexual assault.

None. Zero. Nada. Zilch contact

The “detail” is someone with far far superior legal knowledge decided the crime was so serious that this person would be imprisoned.

and when it comes to my children, that’s all the detail I’d need to know.

it is concerning that you would seek to put your own perspective on the “detail” of a case that has already been presided over by a professional.

Some posters suggesting Claires Law. Unless your children have contact with your father they don't disclose charge details, only the offence he's been charged with. When I was made aware of family members upcoming trial nobody would tell me nothing about it. Police, social work, Claires law. I went to court to hear for myself. Police told me they couldn't / wouldn't disclose the details of the case because i'd already stopped contact when I found out what he was charged with that me and DC werent at risk as NC they couldnt disclose information. I had to call courts for details and attend or i'd have never found out the details

No and I have been in that situation she was raped we don't know what this was as we have no details. But can you understand why I get annoyed when people don't differentiate between rape and sexual assualt

And what “detail” do you think you could possibly uncover that would make you think “you know what, even though that judge decided to send this person to PRISON, I don’t think it’s bad enough to stop access to my children” @youalright

I agree. The fact that a mother would even consider this makes me feel so angry.

Rape apologists and dismissers are facilitators and enablers who let the rape culture continue to grow and flourish. Sick.

So he went to her house, when he knew she would be alone and he sexually assaulted her? So non-consensual sex, rape, assault all of that. Yeah, keep your children away. He should understand that when you assault a child, people keep children away from you.

If he was having a consensual sexual relationship with the 17yo that somehow through the course systems/parents made him end up in jail, then maybe i could understand the gray area (a big maybe).

@youalright

You say you’d want to know more detail behind why a judge had made a guilty verdict and imprisoned someone for a sexual crime before making the decision whether to allow access to your children.

So if you teen daughter ever came to you with an accusation, would you say that you won’t take any action until you’ve explored more detail from the other side too?

This is such good advice.

I think you should cut contact. But is your father old now? Could the offensive behaviour be the result of any form of dementia or brain damage? Im not suggesting that you should have any contact with him if this is the case, but it might make you feel better about your childhood.

@youalright

You're looking at it to black and white context is everything

I am totally cool with doing that when it comes to access to my children and someone imprisoned due to a sexual offence.

Sod the “detail”

In Scotland, I can assure you that prison would not be the sentence for those offences.

You’re pretty much on your own then with that. As the rest of us who have children wouldn’t need to know the detail to make a decision.

I would presume the judge had a pretty decent grasp of the “detail” when he decided to IMPRISON this man

Again im absolutely not sticking up for the op father all im saying is id want the full story as nothing is ever that black and white. The chances are to get a prison sentence whatever op father did is unforgivable and I wouldn't be allowing him acess to my children but I'd want to know the truth first before making that decision

Nope. Not a chance

But in this case, he wouldn’t be IMPRISONED

we are talking about someone convicted and imprisoned

AND in your example, the 15 year old would have also had to have provided a report against him

You are absolutely right.

He manipulated and tricked and committed sexual assault on a young girl (still legally a child) severe enough for prison. He will not change.

Your relatives are also his victims in that he has groomed them into supporting him and so are advocating you allowing a predator access.

Paedophiles are people sexually attracted to pre pubescent children.

Hebephiles are sexually attracted to children 11-14 going through puberty and adolescence.

Ephebophiles are sexually attracted to those in late adolescence, 15-19.

A person can be more than one of these - Whatever he is, that is not your job to assess. He's a nonce and that's it.

Your children come first. It's a hard road, stay clear, stay strong, stay on it.

But the detail is relevant so say you have a 16 year old son and he gets his 15 year old girlfriend pregnant and her parents press charges you would cut your son out of yours and your other children's lives. What if someone was placed on the sexual offenders register for pissing to close to school would you cut them out your life and never let them see your children. You're looking at it to black and white context is everything

Wow
You and I parent very differently @youalright
Quite simply, where someone has been given a prison sentence for a sexual crime, the “detail” is irrelevant.
They wouldn’t have access to my children. The end. No navel gazing. No quandary. No me wasting my time delving in to the detail to make sure I was being “fair” to the imprisoned person.
Nope.

If he went to prison this was very serious (although any sexual assault is serious) so he doesn’t deserve your contact let alone that of your kids. I’m assuming he’s in his 50s at least and when it comes to sexual assault, I guess child assault would be considered worse but no sexual assault is acceptable. Seems your brother has some strange thoughts - I’d be keeping my kids under close supervision round him too if he can’t see the issue here!

Supervised possibly but unlikely depending on what actually happened

before the pandemic OP my brother seriously assaulted my father- it was just one act after years of alcohol, problems- with good bouts of behaviour in between. I stopped all contact for him with my children, faced years of backlash from him and my parents, to the extent my children’s school had to be aware to contact the police if he approached there, and him arriving at my house. I stuck to my decision (even DH made noises about supervised visits to reward good behaviour) but I refused, and now all family members have seen I was right and the children had to be protected. So while it’s different I get the pressure you may face. I had the threats of ‘he needs something to live for etc’. Stick to your guns on this- your duty is to your children, and teaching them to love and trust someone who hasn’t even fully admitted to what he did won’t end well. Good luck

So you might actually allow contact with your children depending on what detail you found out around the prison sentence? Despite knowing the conviction? @youalright

It’s a bit disturbing the op felt the need to ask mumsnet

in fact a lot disturbing

Unlikely not impossible id want to know what had actually happened before I made a decision and id want that in formal court records not his say so. We don't even know how long he was in prison for was it 7 years or 7 days.

I would have nothing to do with him ever again and I’d be taking a big step back from your brother