My Father was convicted of sexual assault on 17 year old, should I let him see my kids + MORE

Your like obsessed and no i never once said that which is the point i made about how you twisted what I'm saying a created a different version in your head.

You are the one coming onto OP’s thread telling her to give a convicted sex offender unrestricted access to her kids! You can’t then complain when people tell you to fuck off.

You're being a nasty bully and you can't even see it. Who repeatedly goes at someone who tells you to please stop and how much your hurting them

If its not about me why are you bringing up my personal life. Have you ever had to watch your daughter stood in court uncontrollably shaking. Sat through multiple police interviews listening to every detail of what that monster did. How many times have you sat in a&e with your child after they've tried to kill themselves. This is my reality. So to question how I reacted to my daughters rape is disgusting and then when I've explained you are going to far and repeatedly saying please stop you are still carry on.
Can you not see what a nasty vile bully you are being. All just because you disagreed with me. You really need a long hard look in the mirror of how you treat others this isnt ok

If you want to believe that, then anything I say isn't going to change that is it?

You think I'm somehow out to 'get' you. You've called me a bully. That's not what I'm doing.

You haven't even read my posts have you. You've twisted what ive said and created a different version in your head.

It's not me who needs to step back here. That's a highly manipulative post and whilst appreciate it's a sensitive manner for you, equally we should not be told what we should and shouldn't say on this matter.

This is about safeguarding. I will not be told by anyone regardless of their situation to stop talking about the safeguarding of children.

It's about how families manipulate others to allow them back in, at risk to their children.

Honestly this isn't your thread.

This is about the OP asking something important.

If its not about me why are you bringing up my personal life. Have you ever had to watch your daughter stood in court uncontrollably shaking. Sat through multiple police interviews listening to every detail of what that monster did. How many times have you sat in a&e with your child after they've tried to kill themselves. This is my reality. So to question how I reacted to my daughters rape is disgusting and then when I've explained you are going to far and repeatedly saying please stop you are still carry on.
Can you not see what a nasty vile bully you are being. All just because you disagreed with me. You really need a long hard look in the mirror of how you treat others this isnt ok

This isn't just about you though is it!?

It's about the OP being pressured into accepting a sex offender into her children's lives.

And others saying she's right to make that decision and how Fear Obligation and Guilt are being used to try and abuse her and manipulate her into accepting her father into their lives again.

Which puts her children at worst at risk or at a very best exposed to poor attitudes toward sexual boundaries. Neither of which is ok.

If that upsets you to hear and for you to be challenged over your own decision making, perhaps consider why it's hitting that nerve. Deep down I'm sure you know you are subject to FOG and are trying to ignore it because you want to pretend you can just carry on as before.

And equally this needs to be said for the benefit of anyone else in a similar situation.

It's really not ok to fail to safeguard children first. It's about them. Not you.

Please leave me alone I've told you, you have gone to far and how much you have hurt me please just stop

Not really.

There's a shocking disconnect here in your head.

We see your daughter's rapist as the same as any other sex offender. There is no difference. The only difference is how groomed you are.

I have no fucking idea why you'd allow any sex offender near your daughter with that in mind. It is incomprehensible that you'd not be EVEN MORE sensitive about it.

All it shows up is that you are living in FOG as I say. And that your judgement is off as a result. It's a characteristic of an unhealthy relationship and poor boundaries.

I don't think it's low. I think it's pointing out that you should really be going away and thinking about your own judgement making and behaviour and looking up FOG because you potentially making decisions which put her at risk.

We should be able to say this - it could make a real difference to a child out there - even if it's not yours.

Hi Everyone,

This is extremely hard to post and I am looking for other insight of whether I am being unreasonable.

My Father was convicted and due to be let out of prison for sexual assault of a 17 year old (in the UK this is over consent age so wasnt charged as child offense)

My DP and I made the decision that he would not see our 4 kids when he leaves prison due to what he has done. I was talking to my brother today and they exploded saying I was being out of order to not let him see his grandkids because of what he did

Am I being unreasonable? For context 3 of my children are girls, 11 9 and 4 and out little boy is 3.

I have been talking to him once a week and havent found the courage to say he wont see them as I worried about the fallout, plus selfishly I didnt want to be the cause if he didnt something stupid inside (like off himself etc)

Any help would be appericated

Posters can react how they like but questioning how i reacted to my daughters rape is below the belt it absolutely tore us apart as a family and something that has had a lasting impact. All I've said is if I was in op position I'd want to know what my dad did. You understand im a real person with real feelings right? I opened up about the most traumatic thing that has happened to us as a family and someone said that. This was a mumsnet post was about op asking advice I answered with my opinion thats all I did.

Your different opinion is you think it's ok for sex offenders to hang out with your children because they get special treatment because you are related.

How exactly did you think other posters would react to you saying you think this is ok, when the stats aren't favourable on this?

Did you expect lots of cooking about how great you are for standing by your abusive family member?

Really?

You've properly set yourself up for disappointment if you though this?

In making a choice like this you live in FOG - Fear, obligation and guilt. That's not good to expose your children anymore than a sex offender. Seriously, it's fucked up.

What an absolutely disgusting thing to say thats my daughter. Your bottom paragraph comment crosses the line just because I have a different opinion to you

It’s been a shocking exchange with @youalright and other posters.

Absolutely wedded to the idea that a man imprisoned for a sexual assault should not be automatically refused access to her children. But instead the poster wants to cast her own eye over the detail of the case. I’m going to guess the poster isn’t a judge but somehow thinks she might have her own perspective on the detail that would mean she would allow access to her children.

It is upsetting to think that @youalright has a daughter who has suffered from a sexual crime because it makes me wonder what her response was when initially told

It’s been a shocking exchange with @youalright and other posters.

Absolutely wedded to the idea that a man imprisoned for a sexual assault should not be automatically refused access to her children. But instead the poster wants to cast her own eye over the detail of the case. I’m going to guess the poster isn’t a judge but somehow thinks she might have her own perspective on the detail that would mean she would allow access to her children.

It is upsetting to think that @youalright has a daughter who has suffered from a sexual crime because it makes me wonder what her response was when initially told

It’s been a shocking exchange with @youalright and other posters.

Absolutely wedded to the idea that a man imprisoned for a sexual assault should not be automatically refused access to her children. But instead the poster wants to cast her own eye over the detail of the case. I’m going to guess the poster isn’t a judge but somehow thinks she might have her own perspective on the detail that would mean she would allow access to her children.

It is upsetting to think that @youalright has a daughter who has suffered from a sexual crime because it makes me wonder what her response was when initially told

No it's not.

If you are an older man who doesn't respect the sexual boundaries of a 17 year old girl that's really not cool on many levels. The power issues are huge.

It's serious enough to be convicted for.

If you have young kids, this man is not suitable to be in their presence because of the risk he poses AND because he has dubious views which are not something you'd want you'd child to have normalised - whether they are male or female.

Given sexual offenders are more likely to offend against someone they know it's even more concerning.

It is a hard no unless you are fucking stupid.

Oh, we understand.

I'm done engaging with you.

Yes what are you not understanding.

You're talking about 2 seperate things he went to prison because he deserved to go to prison. Cutting family members out of your children's life is a seperate thing that is what the actual question is

You're talking about 2 seperate things he went to prison because he deserved to go to prison. Cutting family members out of your children's life is a seperate thing that is what the actual question is