My Father was convicted of sexual assault on 17 year old, should I let him see my kids + MORE

No

YANBU. Frankly I’d go a step further and cut contact with his side of the family. Or at least the male relatives.

I don’t want to go into details in a public forum but let’s just say I’ll regret forever that I didn’t.

Picture yourself trying to explain your decision to your daughters in 5 or 6 years time. I think it’s much easier to explain to them why you felt you had to keep them away than it is to find a justification for why you thought letting him see them would all be fine.

How long was his sentence? He will be released on licence and may well not be allowed any contact with anyone under the age of 18 for the duration of that licence, unless children’s services agree otherwise. That’s usually standard for someone who has offended against a child, ie someone under 18. The fact they were above the age of consent doesn’t change that and likely will still apply. Maybe speak to your local children’s services as they are likely to agree he shouldn’t have contact and you can say that to him should he wonder why you aren’t permitting it.

Well, if he didn't blackmail you with that, he's probably thinking he won't get another shot at a kid for the next few years - whether it's your own children or one of their friends, he's got a lot to lose if he can't terrorise you into compliance, hasn't he?

Your priority is your own children. I would never risk them being around someone who is a sex offender, regardless of the age of the victim. You choose to have a relationship with him if you wish but for the sake of safeguarding your daughters I would keep them well away, you would never forgive yourself if he did anything to them.

He set a trap for a child when her grandparent had been groomed by him over a period of time so that they both saw him as 'safe'?

Why would you even want to see this scum?

This man is a sex offender

He cannot be trusted to be around women or children

Or even men, who knows what goes through his head

You can make an application to Police for info on the nature of the offence and any other history relevant to sexual offences. Claire’s law is for domestic abuse, Sarah’s law is for sexual offences. I’d absolutely be doing that in the first instance, then it may help you make up your mind

Op, is he threatening to take his own life if you stop talking to him? If that's the case, it speaks volumes.
For him to be imprisoned for abusing a child proves it must have been a very serious offence, are you afraid of him or your brother?

He’d be having nothing to do with my children or with me, end of. Not an easy decision, but quite a straightforward one.

The reality is though that - despite what people will proclaim in the abstract on MN - most people in your situation will not stop contact and will behave like your brother.

My stepfather is a convicted child sexual offender and so is step-FIL (if you can believe it, yes, two of the losers in our family). I am completely NC with my mum and stepdad as a result, and also NC with step-FIL. We see MIL in limited ways. Neither of these men has had any contact with our children since we found out and they never will. My mum also has no contact with my children because I can’t guarantee she is safe (has facilitated his re-offending since the initial conviction).

We are the ONLY family members (other than the children who were abused) who have cut off contact. Everyone - and I mean literally everyone - in the family brings their children around them like it’s the most normal thing in the world. It’s not. But denial is strong and it’s more comfortable keeping your head in the sand than dealing head on with shit.

But the gift I’ve given my children is that one day they will find out the full story of the abuse that has gone on in our families. It’s inevitable. And I will NEVER have to explain to them why they weren’t worth keeping safe from that happening to them too. They will know I put them first and valued their safety above keeping up appearances and playing happy families. I have absolutely no regrets about that decision.

Your daughters might not be his “target” age at the moment, but in a couple of years they very much will be. You do not want him to have groomed them into not speaking up, over the intervening years.

Not a chance I’d let my children be anywhere near him, I don’t need to know the full details, he has been found guilty and served prison time, that’s enough for me .

i wouldn’t have contact with him either.

Are you close to your dad? What was he like when you were growing up? What kind of relationship did he have with your children before this? Would they be upset at not seeing him again?
If you don't want him to see your kids then that's absolutely your choice, you shouldn't need validation from anyone else. It would make me feel uncomfortable too, I have 2 girls.
It sounds like you still want a relationship with your dad yourself - I'm sure he would choose to accept this and still have you in his life than have nobody at all?
Your decision is a consequence of his actions, and his actions only - you can't be responsible for how he feels now. If it's too hard for him to deal with then unfortunately that's on him. Your children are always going to come first.
Pp suggestions of supervised contact only could be a good compromise, but don't do this just to spare his feelings. I'd only do this if I felt 100% comfortable with it.

Trial details are public so you could get more details, held in the national archives

And if I were you I would - the fact he hid it, and has ended up with a custodial sentence, suggests it was very serious.

OP you could probably find the judge’s sentencing remarks online.

Absolutely no way would I allow them to be alone together.

if he won’t disclose to you the circumstances of the offence, can you ask the police or solicitor to help, perhaps if there is a safe guarding issue they will give you some information to make a decision?

Not a chance I'd let my children near him, even supervised; they can never have a real or close relationship with him now and they would be my priority not his feelings. Get him told sooner rather than later and tell your brother to fuck off, the fact he doesn't get this would make me wary of him too.

People who are very loved and have done no wrong sadly take their own life.

You phoning him or not would likely have no bearing on this. If he wanted to, he would/ will. You should never keep a relationship with someone out of guilt for what if he kills himself. You are giving him power over you and you are being made to doubt yourself over whether your kids are safe with him.

Forget he’s your dad. Most sexual offences are within the family. Keep your kids safe. He’s already shown you who he is and what he’s capable of. Don’t make him show you again.

It doesn't matter whether 17 is above the legal age of consent or not. If he was convicted it clearly means the consent was not forthcoming regardless of age.

I would not have him anywhere near my child. It must have been serious to get a prison sentence.

EDIT: Just to say, a close friend of mine was convicted of a child sex offence earlier this year. It has completely rocked my world, came as a complete surprise and has had impacts I never would have guessed. I can't even imagine how much harder it would be if it was a family member, so I'm so sorry you're going through that.

I don’t have any advice. Just sympathy and empathy. A close family friend of mine was convicted of a sex offence. So many of my childhood memories are now very tainted and confusing.

It must be very hard to know your dad assaulted a young woman, or any woman. There is no reason to think he is sexually attracted to children; his victim was not a child; but he has been abusive to at least one woman and do you want your young children growing to trust and love someone who would do that? I'd be inclined to wait until they are old enough to hear what your father has done, and let them decide for themselves.

I'm sorry you are going through this OP but you are absolutely not being unreasonable.