My Father was convicted of sexual assault on 17 year old, should I let him see my kids + MORE

You don’t know that for certain at all. It’s not a risk that I would take, sounds like you would though.

YANBU to not have your dad around your kids.

YWNBU to have nothing to do with him again

You are not responsible for your dad's actions and you shouldn't be doing anything to soothe his 'anguish' whilst he's completing his sentence. You don't have to tell him he's not seeing the kids anymore, you just have to not do it. And if he does ask directly you tell him the truth as to why you won't be letting him near them.

I wouldn’t have a relationship with him, let alone my children.

Someone in our family was also charged with the same offence. Me, DH or DC have been completely NC since we were made aware of them being charged. Fully intend on staying that way. Some family have stood by him, no idea how as I could never. It's been almost 4 years! My DC will never have contact with him again, and I had absolutely no issue in telling him this, and any other family members who disagree. My only priority is protecting my DC, not others peoples feelings.

I would be suspicious of the reaction from your brother, when you told him your father would have no contact with your children. Is he being leaned on by your father to persuade you to facilitate contact perhaps?

I think when your daughters reach the age of 17, you will see how vulnerable they are; how they are still finding their way into the confusing world of adulthood; how susceptible they might be to the compliments of older men and how very very young they still are. Would you place them into the hands of some grubby, manipulative older male stranger? Would you push them to socialise and be polite with him? Accept his kisses? His hugs? Of course you wouldn’t. It’s no different, OP. Please don’t put them in a position where they feel they have to play along to please you. You’ll have a really hard time explaining why you did this to them in years to come, even if he did nothing to them. Once they find out - and they will - they would find it upsetting that you would put them at risk. I can see why it’s hard for you now but you need to be strong here, OP.

Honestly, i wouldnt be seeing him at all. Hes a monster. Maybe you will understand this when your own kids are 17.

Please keep your children safe from him. You would never ever forgive yourself if you allowed him to assault one of them. It is not safe.

This is one of those awful times where you have to pick a side, and if it means losing contact with your brother then that's the risk you take for peace of mind and safety

Another way to think about this is to look at the statistics of reported sexual assaults v convictions. The figures I found included rape in those statistics. Approximately only 10% of SA are reported and of them only 3% result in conviction. So the fact that he was convicted says a hell of a lot about the safety of his conviction, and that what he did was bad enough to require a custodial sentence as a lot of SA convictions dont get that. That young woman will have gone through hell to prove what happened to her, do you want your children to think that you are ok with a man like that in their life? Because if they dont know already then eventually they will and it will almost certainly alter their view of you. There have been threads about this on here before from women who's family members took rapists or paedophiles back into their lives, and how those women will never see those people in the same way again.

So while I dont think that he is a risk to your children in particular, I would not allow anyone to think that I condone that behaviour by having any sort of relationship with him.

I understand the contact while he was in prison (clearly he didnt expect to go) I think I would do the same for the same reasons. But once he is out? Nope. Done. Not my problem.

It's a no from me

Not sure why your brother is sticking his nose. They aren't his children so he doesn't get a say

Can refuse but you haven't even asked yet?

Why don't you at least fill in that form as a first step and see what happens?

To be honest it boggles my mind that you've been having these frequent cosy chats with your dad and haven't even established why he's in prison.

Fill in the form, if they refuse then you can try other avenues (local police, local newspaper etc) but a family member with young children would be a good reason to release the info, I would have thought.

If you go onto.tge judiciary website you will be able to find the transcript of the sentencing remarks by the judge. It might help you in your decision making.

No. No, no, no no

You'd never be responsible for his death, blame yourself would be wrong. Ultimately it would be his own choice.

As for his children, again don't be bullied into something you do not want to do. Personally I'd not open that can of worms by your dad meeting your children, not worth the risk. Your brother is unfair and the fact that you're in touch with your dad is generous as it is.

This must be like having a bomb chucked in your life OP, I really feel for you. In a way the age of the victim is irrelevant, it is the fact that he has treated another human being as an object and subjected them to a traumatic assault You are right to keep him well away from your children .

Whatever he did must have been really bad to get a conviction and a custodial sentence in this country on that charge! I wouldn't have anything to do with him ever again and certainly wouldn't let him near my children.

But someone who fancies 17 year olds is not defined as a paedophile and OPs children would not be at risk in that way, though she may wish to stop contact for other good reasons.

I agree with this 👆

It would make no difference to me if his victim was a child, adult, male or female. I will not associate with sex offenders. That is a line I am willing to draw, and one he and the rest of the family need to accept.

OP,
If your dad has been convicted of this. Would he not have stipulations around his release? I.e report any contact with children? Not sure about this as your post states it was not tried as a child offence.
I could be wrong, if this is the case would it not be with a social worker that you’d agree to it? Your brother should respect your decision.

Also, I’m in a similar situation although there’s no conviction and it wasn’t a child - someone close to us though and absolutely no meetings or contact with my children since it came to light. Upsetting as my oldest child asks questions and I get visibly upset at times. It’s tough but the right thing x

Absolutely no chance. I would not allow my children to have contact with any convicted sex offender. There is no "exception" to this.

Sounds like a very sensible decision OP.

It might be worth reaching out to the Lucy Faithful Foundation, who provide support for families. And I'd agree with a previous poster about a Sarah's Law enquiry.

So sorry you are going through this. The decision about your children seeing your Dad is up to you and your DP - nobody else gets a say. I would think you are going to need time to work out what sort of a relationship you want with your Dad yourself as a starting point- and you can then consider whether your children meet him or not when/if you are ready. Don’t be rushed into anything you are not comfortable with. Don’t be gaslit by your wider family about your behaviour impacting your Dad’s feelings either.

YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR FATHER'S ACTIONS.

This includes his offending and anything he might do as the result of his conviction. Including harming himself in any way.

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR CHILDREN.

This means you put them first every time and you don't compromise because a convicted criminal doesn't like it. Or your brother doesn't like it.

Its none of your brother's business regardless of your family relationships.

I have been in a similar, but not the same position as you OP.

My father was an alcoholic and due to his behaviour I stopped seeing him and didn’t allow my children to see him.

He later committed a violent assault against a woman he was living with and soon after that he killed himself.

I’ve never once regretted my decision. My family did not need that in their lives and how can anyone who exhibits these kind of behaviours bring anything good into your life. Consider your family and cut your father out would be my advice. Unless I felt this was a gross miscarriage of justice, I couldn’t have anything to do with him.