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AIBU?

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Original poster

Allowing college kids to deal with cold showers for 2 days

180 replies

Randicrawfordcoaching · 09/11/2025 21:31

A mom posted in a group that her college kids had to deal with cold showers for two days and she asked if she should go get her and bring her home. Mom lives an hour away. I made a post and said absolutely not! They are in college and can figure it out! Parents came out of the woodwork freaking out on me and said if they could help with something small like this, they absolutely would do it. I’m horrified that we coddle our college kids the way we do. AIBU🤷‍♀️😂

OP posts:
caringcarer · 10/11/2025 23:54

When my adult sons boiler broke and he had no hot water or heating for 3 days, until new one fitted, he came back home to have a hot shower and warm up. I loaned him a plug in oil heater too. Surely most parents would help out their DC if they easily could. My adult DS does things for me including moving back into my home to feed my dogs and cats when I go on holiday.

Original poster
Randicrawfordcoaching · 10/11/2025 23:41

great question - what they should do is find somewhere else to shower - go to a different dorm - find off campus housing friends, go the athletic center, use the sink OR, how about don't shower for 2 days - it's not going to kill them. it's ridiculous that we are so worried that our young adult kids can't figure this out - we have to let them grow up at some point!

OP posts:
Ratafia · 10/11/2025 23:29

If I didn't have access to hot water for showers, I would go round to a friend's, or try to locate a public shower facility, e.g. at a gym or swimming pool and use that. I would certainly expect a child at university to think along similar lines before contemplating potentially spending around 4 hours driving to and from their university to collect them and deliver them back.

notnorman · 10/11/2025 22:09

Kettle and a flannel??

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 10/11/2025 22:04

Get a milk bottle. And fill it with warm water, flannel, soap. Honestly, don’t people know how to survive on limited water???

CypressGrove · 10/11/2025 22:00

Twistedfirestarters · 10/11/2025 07:56

I suppose I consider an hour away to be quite close. I have family who live an hour away and see them regularly. When my parents are on holiday I drive an hour to their home a couple of times a week to water their plants. But perhaps I coddle them too.

I also approached this from the assumption that they would have already tried other options - showering at a friend's etc and not been able to. I probably would expect some attempt at sorting themselves out before asking me to come and get them.

it just wouldn't be a big deal to me though. If they were 3 hours away I'd be sympathetic but definitely wouldn't be offering to pick them up. An hour? Meh.

But it's an hour each way - so a two hour return trip just to collect them. And I'd assume you'd have to take them back again - so four hours driving. How would anyone fit that in their day? I'd have to leave around 6am to collect before work!

Ddakji · 10/11/2025 20:02

Calliopespa · 10/11/2025 19:54

Well its November. And it is mid teens here too, but I'd not be taking a cold shower.

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November isn’t winter, and it’s very mild.

i wouldn’t take a cold shower out of choice, no. But it wouldn’t kill me to do so a couple of times. Though I’d just go to the leisure centre or a mate’s.

Calliopespa · 10/11/2025 19:54

Ddakji · 10/11/2025 19:23

Well, here it’s autumn and the temp is in the mid teens. No one will freeze from having a couple of cold showers.

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Well its November. And it is mid teens here too, but I'd not be taking a cold shower.

NotanNHSnurseanymore · 10/11/2025 19:47

I'm assuming this is an American context?

Original poster
Randicrawfordcoaching · 10/11/2025 19:44

parents can help - but why are they rescuing their college aged young adult from cold water - are we serious? they should be able to figure this out at that age. otherwise, why did we send them to university?

OP posts:
Drimt · 10/11/2025 19:25

My stinky kids would happily just not wash.

Ddakji · 10/11/2025 19:23

Calliopespa · 10/11/2025 18:09

It's not that they can't possibly figure it out. I mean ultimately they could just have a cold shower.

But why shouldn't they be helpful if they want to be?

It's winter. I wouldn't be taking a cold shower unless I stank to high heaven.

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Well, here it’s autumn and the temp is in the mid teens. No one will freeze from having a couple of cold showers.

Calliopespa · 10/11/2025 18:09

Randicrawfordcoaching · 10/11/2025 01:20

Thank you for your responses … I’m fairly surprised that we would help our adult children who should be able to figure this out in their own

It's not that they can't possibly figure it out. I mean ultimately they could just have a cold shower.

But why shouldn't they be helpful if they want to be?

It's winter. I wouldn't be taking a cold shower unless I stank to high heaven.

Ddakji · 10/11/2025 18:04

Digdongdoo · 10/11/2025 17:46

Why wouldn't they have a kettle in the kitchen?

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More to the point, why wouldn’t they have a plug and a kettle in their room?! I was in catered halls so no kitchens but everyone had a kettle in their room.

Digdongdoo · 10/11/2025 17:46

SummerFeverVenice · 10/11/2025 17:28

And what should they “figure” out? Exactly? Presumably the landlord knows, and they’ve booked an engineer and the response back is two days to hot water. They’ve done all the figuring out they can do.

You do no that not all Uni students have access to a kitchen? That even those that do won’t be able to heat up more than a tiny saucepan of water? That they are not allowed any kettles or hot plates. There are no baths…

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Why wouldn't they have a kettle in the kitchen?

Gwenhwyfar · 10/11/2025 17:35

OMG. I wouldn't have a cold shower, but I can cope with a sink wash for a couple of days! Boil water and use that - there must be a kettle!

SummerFeverVenice · 10/11/2025 17:28

Randicrawfordcoaching · 10/11/2025 01:20

Thank you for your responses … I’m fairly surprised that we would help our adult children who should be able to figure this out in their own

And what should they “figure” out? Exactly? Presumably the landlord knows, and they’ve booked an engineer and the response back is two days to hot water. They’ve done all the figuring out they can do.

You do no that not all Uni students have access to a kitchen? That even those that do won’t be able to heat up more than a tiny saucepan of water? That they are not allowed any kettles or hot plates. There are no baths…

BruFord · 10/11/2025 17:24

@pinkspeakers Ah, different system here. It’s a set fee that gives full access to the Centre and appears automatically on your bill.

As DD uses the gym and climbing wall, we just pay it- but now I’m realizing that it could also be useful if their boiler ever goes!

pinkspeakers · 10/11/2025 17:19

BruFord · 10/11/2025 17:15

@pinkspeakers DD gets charged for it too but it’s part of the annual student fee package iyswim. It automatically appears on your bill.

Perhaps it’s different at some unis or perhaps we could opt out- I say “we” because I’m actually paying the fees, not DD. 😂. She uses the centre anyway so we didn’t question it.

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it was definitely optional for my DS. I paid for it as a birthday gift at some point. There were also different tiers depending on whether you had access to the pool and what hours of the week you could use it. This was Lancaster and he just graduated.

Usernamenotfound1 · 10/11/2025 17:19

By college you mean university?

you aren’t talking about 16-18 year olds at 6th form college?

I’m old now but back in my day it wasn’t unusual to not have hot water for whatever reason. Boiler issue and waiting for landlord to fix, running out of gas meter credit on a Saturday night and shop not opening until Monday am, etc.

even as an adult on occasion- last winter the snow seized our boiler and we didn’t have hot water for a few days.

you cope. As pp have said ask a friend, find a leisure centre, shower at work.

tbh I don’t get your issue. If the parents want to help why can’t they? I probably wouldn’t go get my child but if they wanted to come home they can get the train or bus any time they want.

if I want to help my university aged child out I will. If you wouldn’t then that’s your choice.

Redpeach · 10/11/2025 17:16

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/11/2025 01:26

Do you take cold showers? I’m an extraordinarily resilient, 61 year old. I would absolutely hate it.

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Have to say, i dont mind them

BruFord · 10/11/2025 17:15

pinkspeakers · 10/11/2025 17:06

No, my son had to pay for university gym membership.

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@pinkspeakers DD gets charged for it too but it’s part of the annual student fee package iyswim. It automatically appears on your bill.

Perhaps it’s different at some unis or perhaps we could opt out- I say “we” because I’m actually paying the fees, not DD. 😂. She uses the centre anyway so we didn’t question it.

user836367392 · 10/11/2025 17:11

Find a swimming pool. There's always a hot shower there 🚿

pinkspeakers · 10/11/2025 17:06

BruFord · 10/11/2025 16:46

@MaurineWayBack Really? My DD has access to the Athletic Centre as part of the student package, I believe all the students do.

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No, my son had to pay for university gym membership.

BruFord · 10/11/2025 16:46

MaurineWayBack · 10/11/2025 16:44

You don’t have free access to those though

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@MaurineWayBack Really? My DD has access to the Athletic Centre as part of the student package, I believe all the students do.