To be upset that friends all love ‘new girl’ when I don’t

Maybe the others aren't as keen as they seem. She sounds very full on. I wouldn't bother trying to force a friendship with her, but it would be a shame to lose these friendships. Can you stick it out a bit longer?

She sounds a total pain in the neck. Difficult to know what to do. No point in falling out with the whole group because of her. Id try and develop new friendships but dont drop out of this group completely. Just take a step back.

These are your 'nice to have' friends, not do or die friends, and were fun and supportive. Now they are not as fun and not that interested in you and in thrall to Sue. I have experience of a queen bee like this and I became aware that this person was just a bit judgy about others, including me, I caught an eye roll or two when I was speaking, for example. I left the group and didn't look back and it did affect how I felt about them even though they were individually very nice as they were all captured by this one particular person who just wasn't very nice herself. I started to feel a bit stressed about going out whereas before it felt fun

I think if it suits you to go, go, and if it doesn't, then don't and try to keep any individual friendships on the side. Friendship groups can change and not always in good ways.

Don’t lose friends over it, arrange individual coffees or smaller meet ups?

Different perspective (only read first few posts so might not be that different!) as we’ve had this ‘sort’ in our group. Rather than that you’ve offended her, if you spent time upfront and supported her, you’ll be seen as ‘in the bag’ with no further effort needed. A few of us wised up to our Sue when we realised the level of manipulation going on (though it took about three years for anyone to out it). We realised that there was a ‘safe’ list and a ‘danger’ list. If you were on the safe list, the interest and love bombing stopped. If you were on the danger list, it continued or intensified. In my case, it was a couple and once a few of us outed it privately, we managed to all get on by gently breaking their power hold over the group.

Over the top "love you Sue" and then interrupt her and say - mine first!

Friend dymanics have changed and she's sussed you as the lead friend?

Treating somebody dismissively in a small friendship group isn’t on though and it’s natural OP would feel uncomfortable and wonder why. That’s not a deficiency in the OP.

I was just going to say back off the group, don't be so available and be 'busy' when they make plans, you don't need dome one making you feel so uncomfortable

This is what I thought too. I suspect she blanks you because you're not taken in by her.

Sometimes those 'big' personalities really change the group dynmaic and seek to dominate. It's frustrating when no-one else has an issue with it, but there's not really anything you can do about it except accept the altered vibe the group or step back and meet for 1:1s if you wish to continue your friendships.

I couldn't be doing with this

I'd stop any socialising with Sue in the picture

OP this happened me in a work situation. A colleague from another office used to have to call regularly to us and they’d all be having great fun and this person treated me like I was invisible. It was actually really confusing and hurtful. Anyway I happened to mention it to a colleague I really liked and asked her to observe the next time and nice colleague was actually shocked and totally agreed with me and it changed her opinion of the person after that so we turned it into a bit of a laugh between ourselves. I moved on from that company so didn’t have to deal with it longterm. It was just so weird at the time when it happened

You say you helped her with a problem when you first met? Maybe she showed you some vulnerabilities she now regrets and her way of dealing with your "knowledge" is to marginalise you in the group?

I had similar with a mum when our kids started reception and all the mums were starting to get to know each other. I helped her with an issue she was having, help of a professional and personal nature, which included my friend in another country helping her as well at my request. She was the alpha/social secretary of the group, and went out of her way after her problem was resolved to ensure I wasn't invited to anything. I think I knew too much about the mess behind the glossy facade.

If there’s someone in this group you are closer to, can you meet up just with her?
I’d try and keep some friendships going if you can and want to.
these domineering personality types can really change larger friendship groups. They take over , it’s all about them. I find it draining and I’ve left groups before because of it.

OK, rather than leave the group, maybe just decide to massively chill and observe. Really observe, like a stealth investigator. Love your friends. Make sure you have fun and appreciate them. Mull on the parts of her that irritate you as a mirror - is there any part of you not currently being expressed that she seems to be flinging out there.

Your irritation is a message for decoding, use it for your own growth and self awareness rather than bothering about others behaviour.

Oh God! This and your other post about having a few drinks and a laugh with her, but reverting back to ignoring you days later, sounds like me in 2002! Honestly, cut your loses, otherwise you’ll drive yourself mad!

I knew someone like this in my 20s. Gutted to hear it can still happen in your 50s! Sorry OP - really tricky situation to navigate. If they're not close friends and the dynamic is now making you unhappy, perhaps it is time to bow out. You never know, they might make an effort to bring you back in... But if not, it doesn't seem like you'd be losing much anymore.

But not everyone is going to like you and that's fine! What other people think about you is none of your business. You can't control how they feel, so there is no point worrying about it.

Went through something very similar in the workplace when I was in my twenties. Didn’t matter what I said or did, this other girl refused to acknowledge me in any way. Then she started smearing me and eventually started sending other colleagues down to my office to talk about the imagined things I’d done to her. A grade A, gold plated, card carrying narcissist. Either suck it up and carry on being perplexed that everyone else can’t see what a manipulative horror she is, or bow out gracefully. I recommend the latter for your own peace of mind.

Agree with this.
Hang on in there.
If she's not that great, they'll all go off her eventually. Or if she does have redeeming features, maybe you'll grow to like her?

Maybe it's as simple as you just don't like each other. It doesn't go as far as hate, but you don't click and you don't have much to say to each other. I think all of us could think of someone we just don't really like. It's not really surprising that if you don't like her, she can tell and treats you accordingly.
As to what to do, that's up to you really. As the group obviously like you too, it seems a shame to cut everyone off just because you dislike one person. It depends how much you can put up with her.

I had a former colleague like this, it was frustrating watching everyone falling for her guff.