Can’t get in touch with DSD to tell her her grandfather has passed

There's an outside chance that she's listed on 192.com - it would cost less than twenty pounds to check.

Honestly no, do not contact her colleague.

She has made a choice in not being in contact, which is of course her right. No choice is without consequence however, as I’m sure she’s herself aware. You have tried. Leave it at that.

Contacting her colleagues is bordering on stalking or harassment. She doesn’t want any of you to be in touch with her, respect that. The picture of a 17 year old spending lockdown by herself because she’d broken up with her boyfriend and for some reason she didn’t feel able to tell her dad is absolutely heartbreaking. She’s clearly got good reason for her decision to create and maintain distance from her father.

I think trying to contact someone she works with crosses a line to be honest. Bringing her personal life into a professional environment. You've tried your best. If she is angry about it at a later date, that's on her. You can't make yourself uncontactable and then be annoyed you've not been contacted.

Poor kid. I don't blame her, your bloke sounds like a really shit dad.

Tell him to get his arse down to see her if you know where she works. It's the least he can do.

What a drama llama. Leave her alone.

If you know where she works can you just send an email to her work email address?

Don't embarrass her by messaging her at work.

It sounds like she has decided to cut you off. Not surprising tbh, given that her dad doesn't seem to have bothered with her during lockdown.

If it's possible to get a message to her via her mum or another family member, then I would do that, but don't go all stalker-like on her. She no doubt has her reasons for not wanting her dad in her life.

If i knew where she worked id contact HR with a message. Then leave it at that.

I wouldnt contact a colleague.

Don’t message her at work are you crazy

I think you have all done what you can to let her know. I think contacting work colleague would be a step to far.

Messaging her colleague, who is a complete stranger to yous really is breaking boundaries. Yous don't even know if they know each other, if they get along, if the colleague would be happy getting contacted, if your step daughter would be happy yous doing this. Absolutely do not do this. She has cut contact for a reason. Send a message on fb, if she gets it, great, if not, then at least yous tried.

I wouldn't go through a work colleague. I get why you want to contact her though. I'd contact someone on her mum's side of her family to ask them to pass on the message. Apart from that I don't see what else you reasonably can do. She'll have to accept it's part of the parcel of deciding to have no contact with Dad's side of the family and that you did indeed try to tell her.

The second it’s a dad then it’s understandable.

In what world does losing contact with your children mean ah forget it?

Maybe my bar is way higher. My dd is 16. COVID or not I wouldn’t fuck off and leave her. Or maybe I misread your point?

Can you not contact her through her place of work rather than a colleague?

Messaging a work colleague is going a bit too far as it is mingling work and personal life which she is unlikely to want. I would send a recorded next day delivery letter for her attention to the office with the death notice and a short note saying “Condolences, if you need to talk your dad’s number is xxx. Funeral is at x time on x date.”

Absolutely do not message her colleague, are you insane?? Do you know how inappropriate that is? I'm sorry but it's her grandfather, not a parent! She decided she didn't want to hear this news when she went NC and I'm sure there's more to the story so it's best that you respect her wishes and don't bother her.

I wouldn’t contact a colleague - that puts her in a position where she could have people at work gossiping about her, or force her to share personal information she isn’t comfortable with.

I would consider writing to her at work if you’ve now found out where she is working - this can go to her directly so maintain privacy. I would make clear that you understand she doesn’t want contact and don’t intend to force anything, but felt she had a right to know about her grandfather and make informed choices about whether she wanted to attend the funeral.

I wouldn't attempt to contact her through a person at work, but if you know where she works and her job title you could write to her there.

There are also companies that find people you've lost touch with but I'd expect to pay around £500-£600.

If she is in touch with other family members - her mother? - then I think it's fine to pass on the message via them. But don't go trying to track her down online and involve third parties - that's not on, because she clearly has decided to be no contact, and part of the trade off is that it means she will necessarily be out of the loop in terms of family updates - sad and glad.

Don’t contact through her work. That would be the last thing she’d want surely. If youve told her on FB and on her last number what more can you do.
(Sounds like you could have checked in more during lockdown though, how could you not know she was living alone during such a hard time!)

Where is mum? Surely she’s the person to reach out to?

Leave her alone. She doesn't want contact from you so respect her wishes, it's not about what you want.