Can’t get in touch with DSD to tell her her grandfather has passed

Leave her be. She's made her feelings known so respect that. She's hardly likely want to attend. If she did she'd have kept some line of communication open.

Just send a message to her facebook and instagram asking her to call her dad. Pretty awful he has lost contact with his own child after leaving her to live with you during covid.

Whyyy another day another story of a woman picking up a looser of a man- did her father move in to your home like all the other waste of spaces? He abandonded his daughter when she was still a child and even now- its you making a post, your son trying to find her- where is he? Why is he not in a police station asking if they could help to locate her as he should be worried about her welfare- since years ago.

She doesn’t want to hear from you. Leave her alone.

She's obviously made herself difficult to contact for a reason

Another person who can't believe your Dh just let his 17yo daughter go live with a boyfriend during covid and then seemingly just shrugged his shoulders when she stopped replying to his messages. Your DH basically abandoned his daughter, its no surprise she doesn't want contact

I wouldn't contact the work colleague, you have no idea as to her relationship with this person. Can your DS not find her on any other social media? It's unusual for a 23yo to not have any sm

Absolutely staggered at the way your husband treated his child. What a disgrace of a man.

I find this appalling. When did you try and reach out last? I'm honestly flabbergasted that a girl who lost her mother has just been left like this- she must have felt totally abandoned.

I personally can't think of anything worse than feeling so unsafe that I can't even tell my own DF about a relationship breakup, and then the only massive effort that my DF makes to reach out is to tell me via electronic means that a family member DIED? She lost her mother FFS.

Does he care remotely about her sense of safety and wellbeing? Where is the sensitivity and empathy? She's a human not an animal. It took someone dying for him to take notice.

Amazed that so many posters have replied to this without pointing out the real issue here- that this appalling father abandoned his motherless daughter at a time of national emergency. Not surprising she wants nothing to do with him.

My son is a student OP. (Older than 17, too.) A parent is meant to love and support his child and see and contact him/her regularly. Because they’re young and vulnerable and that’s the role of a parent.

And yes, it’s on the parent to do that. You don’t just wait for your 17 year old child to respond to the occasional text message. You stick around. That’s what basic parenting is about.

This poor girl, treated like an unwanted pet dumped at a shelter. I hope she finds some security in her new life, and more reliable, caring people, & a new family. It must have left her very damaged.

It's not about the money.

You could do this. She has made it hard to be contacted though, her own choice so if you can't do this, I would leave it be until she contacts you. No need to go overboard. She will find out herself when she tries to reach out to her grandfather eventually. All you can do is try the most obvious routes to contact her, that's enough really

If you know the company she works for. Leave a msg with the headoffice / HR about her grandfathers death and his funeral details

Contact her HR department so they can ask her to contact her family?

Send a message via LinkedIn to her? Where were you getting the snippets of information from?

Jesus, OP, leave her alone. She’s estranged herself for a reason - and a good one at that. I couldn’t forgive a parent fucking off and leaving me to sort myself out at 17 during a terrifying pandemic lockdown.

Is this a reverse?

Wow this is one of the saddest things I've read, and not for the reasons you might think, OP. Any decent father would have control of his daughter, know where she is, etc. He has basically left a 17 year old child to raise herself and be on her own. He hasn't bothered with her - and no - the occasional texts is not the same as actually parenting his child, and being their in her day to day life. I don't know any father that would just let his 17 year old child move in with her boyfriend and not try to stop it or do anything. He really is very passive isn't he. Your husband is absolute rubbish. Deadbeat. Sorry but he is. This story of neglect just horrifies me. How can you stay with someone like that? You seem completely oblivious to how bad this looks. She lost her mum as a child, and didn't even have her father there as an actual parent. She had no one. She probably felt so alone. No wonder she's gone no contact. This story is truly heartbreaking, you have no idea how bad this makes your husband look. She really had no one to care for her and it seems when you came on the scene, she was pushed out, and left.

As for contacting her, yes, I would take every avenue because she deserves to know. She's been pushed out of her own family but she deserves to know. At least your son seems to care about her, which is nice. That poor girl!

Good lord! Poor girl. Just leave her alone now, don't drag her workplace into it.

Sounds like she is better off without any of you contacting her.
What a useless dad

Your response about not being in contact with her during covid confirms exactly why she doesn't want contact with you. Leave her alone. Let the poor girl live (hopefully happily). She's had a rough start to adulthood and clearly doesn't have any family involved in her wellbeing so she's hopefully got a good group of friends.

This!!! How did he not check on her when he was all she had. This is heartbreaking, The poor girl has just been completely disregarded. Hopefully she is safe and happy and can remember her grandparent in her own way when she receives the news.

I don't think you should contact her colleague, she is likely to be embarrassed and angry that you would drag someone she works with into her personal life.

You could contact the Salvation Army who run a service for locating family members. They might agree to pass on a message or letter, without revealing information about her whereabouts, if the important thing is to tell her about her grandfather.

God, the poor girl. Lost her mother young, her father moves in with a girlfriend at a frightening time for all, leaving her moving in with a boyfriend, all while she's still legally a child, then her father fails to move heaven and earth to keep a relationship with his daughter - so she doesn't feel able to share with him that they've split up.

I reckon there's something in her conclusion that he 'didn't check in' with her. She must have felt so abandoned, and having to look after herself for so long will have built emotional armour around herself for protection.

Contacting the colleague would be a mistake and could get her gossiped about. You've already messaged her. At a pinch if you have found her workplace, you could send her a letter there.

You could also put an In Memoriam post on your own social media remembering her grandfather with photos and sharing the funeral details. That might prompt her to reach out.

If she wanted to be found she would make it easy. She doesn’t, so leave it be. The last thing she’ll want is people hunting her down at work or to face everyone she’s avoiding at a funeral.

I can't get past DH leaving his 17 year old to fend for herself during Covid. Did he not check on her when he wasn't getting replies to texts? What was she living on, was she even getting enough food?
For context, my son was in another city by himself, he'd just started his first job when Covid started, in his early 20s. We were in contact every day, and visited regularly, sitting in his garden in the rain sometimes under a gazebo. If there had been no garden we would have broken whatever rules there were to see him and make sure he was OK.
I'm not surprised she's cut herself off from the whole family.. was no one looking out for her? This is heartbreaking, she'd already lost her Mum.
What DH can do now ( not you, him) is write to her at her place of work and tell her what's happened to her grandparent. And also apologise.