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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think most people “help others” for the ego boost, not actual compassion?

58 replies

QuietMotiveFinch · 09/11/2025 17:27

We love a good deed when there’s a photo or story attached. Charity has become a kind of performance. I’m not saying people never care but the self-promotion often feels louder than the empathy. AIBU to think that real compassion is quiet, not branded?

OP posts:
Tryingtobeslim · 09/11/2025 17:47

Yes - we have a couple of very active do gooders in the local community and they aren’t very nice at all. It’s all for show it’s like some kind of performance for validation. They both act like the mayor of Halloween town .

QuietMotiveFinch · 09/11/2025 17:46

clearveil · 09/11/2025 17:40

Some people get a boost from doing charity work but if it works to serve a good cause then who cares? Also the majority of good deeds and kindnesses go unreported, unphotographed and uncelebrated and yet people do them anyway. So you are being entirely unreasonable.

I don’t doubt plenty of people do genuine, quiet good every day. My point was more about the cultural trend where visibility and branding have become such a big part of “doing good”. You’re right that the outcome still helps others but it’s interesting how much focus now goes to being seen helping, not just helping.

OP posts:
3hairspastfreckle · 09/11/2025 17:45

I agree that a lot of people do good deeds to be seen to be doing good deeds. A lot of animal rescue videos you see the person either struggling to rescue with one hand because their other hand is holding their phone to record, or a person struggles to rescue while another stands aside and videos it all. Put the camera down and rescue them ffs! If it were instructional, or promoting a particular charity, that would be different.
Doing good deeds can make you feel lifted, and I dont think that has to take away from the fact you have done a good deed

HansHolbein · 09/11/2025 17:44

BallerinaRadio · 09/11/2025 17:36

Does AI feel compassion? Makes you think 🤔

So boring isn’t it!

QuietMotiveFinch · 09/11/2025 17:41

BallerinaRadio · 09/11/2025 17:36

Does AI feel compassion? Makes you think 🤔

If AI ever figures out compassion, I hope it skips the selfie stage.

OP posts:
clearveil · 09/11/2025 17:40

Some people get a boost from doing charity work but if it works to serve a good cause then who cares? Also the majority of good deeds and kindnesses go unreported, unphotographed and uncelebrated and yet people do them anyway. So you are being entirely unreasonable.

BallerinaRadio · 09/11/2025 17:36

Does AI feel compassion? Makes you think 🤔

Sillysoggyspaniel · 09/11/2025 17:36

I agree. But obviously the people who have the same approach fly beneath the radar so the ones you hear about are doing it for themselves.

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