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AIBU?

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Original poster

Having sex straight after baby

116 replies

hummous123 · 09/11/2025 14:09

I don't understand those who can be arsed.

Aibu

Edit - I don't mean straight away but generally. So tired, house is a rip, fat belly, body is tired, mind is tired. I just don't care if I don't have sex again

OP posts:
Babybirdmum · 09/11/2025 18:04

hummous123 · 09/11/2025 14:09

I don't understand those who can be arsed.

Aibu

Edit - I don't mean straight away but generally. So tired, house is a rip, fat belly, body is tired, mind is tired. I just don't care if I don't have sex again

First baby, episiotomy, vagina broken for 4 months. No sex for me and I was scared to try ever again! Had to have a smear to test it out first before I was brave enough.
second baby, home water birth, 2nd degree tear no stitches, vagina healed in 2-3 weeks (still waited the recommended 6 for sex though)

CandiedPrincess · 09/11/2025 17:58

No @Dibminoupqh what you said was that the women who had sex so soon after birth were pressured. It was a sweeping statement and it's bullshit.

CandiedPrincess · 09/11/2025 17:57

Iliketulips · 09/11/2025 17:41

Guess we're all different. It literally took two hours to stitch me up after birth, so that took a bit of recovery.

But that's the point isn't it. It's different for everyone.

First two births were vaginal with a lot of bleeding and stitching, it was about 4 weeks.

Third birth was a c-section, easy recovery, two weeks.

There's no right or wrong.

Iliketulips · 09/11/2025 17:41

Guess we're all different. It literally took two hours to stitch me up after birth, so that took a bit of recovery.

TotHappy · 09/11/2025 17:38

Peridoteage · 09/11/2025 17:27

I breastfed, i always assumed that because that kills your fertility for a bit it probably went hand in hand with not fancying it.

I wonder if there's any correlation between being more keen for sex within a short time frame & not bf

I would have been up to it between 3 weeks - 2 months I reckon but husband never wanted it. Not while pregnant, not in early days of constant breastfeeding. I felt very hurt and rejected but can only assume it was some sort of Madonna complex? He couldn't see breastfeeding me as also wife me?

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 09/11/2025 17:32

Honestly those first few weeks were such a blur I couldn’t tell you what we did or didn’t do - not does it matter even a tiny bit now.

I think other than avoiding infection risks, individual couples need to do whatever they need to cope whether that’s avoiding each other entirely or getting it on 🤷‍♀️

billandtedsexcellentadventure · 09/11/2025 17:28

I would have jumped my husband 24 hours after birth both times. But obviously didn’t and waited six weeks.

TheIceBear · 09/11/2025 17:27

Depends. First baby I had no interest for 6 months at least. After 2nd I was happy to after 6 weeks. YANBu though .

Peridoteage · 09/11/2025 17:27

I breastfed, i always assumed that because that kills your fertility for a bit it probably went hand in hand with not fancying it.

I wonder if there's any correlation between being more keen for sex within a short time frame & not bf

Praying4Peace · 09/11/2025 17:25

Never felt like it afterwards!

OmNomShiva · 09/11/2025 17:23

A gentleman would wait until after the placenta is delivered.

Dibminoupqh · 09/11/2025 17:14

CandiedPrincess · 09/11/2025 17:11

Weird take.

Maybe some women ( gasp ) like sex?

Show quote history

Did I say they didn't?

Not really a weird take, I have several friends who have been pressured or gutted by their partners 🤷‍♀️. Weird you would assume these type of men don't exist

CandiedPrincess · 09/11/2025 17:11

Dibminoupqh · 09/11/2025 16:10

I genuinely believe the ones who do are pressured or guilted by their partners

Weird take.

Maybe some women ( gasp ) like sex?

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 09/11/2025 17:06

Dibminoupqh · 09/11/2025 16:10

I genuinely believe the ones who do are pressured or guilted by their partners

Nope

Namechange2567 · 09/11/2025 17:06

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/11/2025 16:11

I was told to have sex whenever I felt ready, I was never told to avoid sex for a certain amount of time.

Show quote history

Same! Even with episiotomy and a tear they only recommended 2 weeks until stitches dissolved

MintTwirl · 09/11/2025 17:05

I wasn’t given a set time to wait, even after my very complicated c section, I was just told I could start again whenever I was ready.
I wasn’t pushed into it by DH(that is actually really insulting to both of us) he is however a very hands on dad who did his fair share and our eldest in particular was a really easy baby so we weren’t exhausted at all.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 09/11/2025 17:04

It really depends on the birth. Not everyone feels like shit. I think as long as both parties are comfortable, it is their choice.

DeedlessIndeed · 09/11/2025 17:02

Straight away, I could not think of anything worse.

By the end of week 3, it didn't seem such a bad idea.

Week 4 and 5 is was climbing the walls. Never have I wanted it more 😳. I did wait until week 6 but I can see why people don't.

I think seeing DH look after me and the baby like an absolute dream husband and father was part of it. He exceeds my highest expectations so that I get all the time I need NOT to be always tired emotionally or physically. That along with hormones perhaps, however it's been 18 months and I still have a ridiculously high libido compared to prebirth.

I guess the boring answer is, same as everything, everyone has different situations/support available and experiences. So you might struggle to see why some women would, whereas others might struggle to imagine how they would not want it.

BettysRoasties · 09/11/2025 17:02

Agree 7days to 2 weeks bleeding with each child.

Which is exactly why it should be down to each women. There is no hard fast rule about when you can feel ready to have sex.

Namechange2567 · 09/11/2025 17:00

BluntPlumHam · 09/11/2025 15:47

Now that remember, midwife told me light exercise only no power walking or major lifting etc because you’re at risk of haemorrhaging whilst your uterus is shrinking. So yes there is a recommended healing period and you do also bleed for about a month.

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I bled for less than 48 hours after my forceps delivery, definitely no where near a month. We waited 3 months to have sex again though

Cookingupmyfirstbornson · 09/11/2025 16:57

Dibminoupqh · 09/11/2025 16:10

I genuinely believe the ones who do are pressured or guilted by their partners

Or women could shock horror actually enjoy and want sex?

BauhausOfEliott · 09/11/2025 16:53

Northquit · 09/11/2025 16:29

I think I read a book - possibly Empire of the Sun - where a man has sex with his wife very soon after the birth of their child. It really made me feel sick.
I have never re-read that book.

OK. But that isn’t really what the OP is talking about, is it?

flowertoday · 09/11/2025 16:52

It just depends doesn't it. I think the main thing is to have support and a choice.
Men that are pushy about sex post partum should have something violent and painful done to their genitals and abdomen so they can be helped to reflect on the physical aspect of childbirth .....
I think the OP is having a hard time here. There is so much pressure on women to snap back / recover ASAP after having a baby.
There is also the aspect of fluctuating hormones and breastfeeding. It can all add up to less of a wish to be intimate potentially.

Hope you are OK OP and getting the support you need ❤️

RubySquid · 09/11/2025 16:52

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 09/11/2025 15:49

I did not bleed for anything like a month. Not everyone is the same.

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A max of 7 days each time for me

MumWifeOther · 09/11/2025 16:47

I always felt really close to my husband in the weeks after giving birth. I think with all 3 we had sex about 4 weeks after, there was no pressure from him. I was fortunate enough to have straight forward deliveries so that may have helped.