Page 2 | To think some people work hard at suppressing their emotions, almost like it’s a badge of honour?

TheTaupeMoose · 2025-11-09T13:15:26+00:00

It’s like there’s a whole group of people who pride themselves on not feeling anything. Or at least, not showing it. They downplay sadness, anger, even joy sometimes, as if being “unemotional” means they’re more stable or strong. But AIBU to think that this kind of emotional suppression isn’t strength? It’s just bottling things up and eventually, it leaks out in other ways: passive aggression, burnout, coldness, detachment. Not saying everyone has to cry at work or overshare in group chats. But isn’t never expressing anything just as unhealthy?

Cynic17 · 09/11/2025 14:28

OP, as you say we are indeed all different. But many people choose to keep their emotions hidden because they don't want to make everything about themselves. Offloading one's own emotions us the height of self-indulgence and incredibly boring for others. Most of us don't feel the need to live in our own Hollywood movie! Rather, restraint, self-control and consideration for others are all admirable qualities.

FOJN · 09/11/2025 14:27

Maybe or maybe people who are not you experience the world differently and express themselves differently. Thank god we're not all the same. I'd probably be a murderer if there were 8 billion clones of me in the world.

Original poster

TheTaupeMoose · 09/11/2025 14:26

clearveil · 09/11/2025 14:21

I think I am fairly emotionally stable. This doesn't mean I don't feel things, I do very deeply but I have always been someone who processes things internally and privately. I am fairly self aware and have good coping skills for dealing with strong emotions in the moment and in the aftermath which help me to respond to situations and events rather than just react or act out.

I don't think it's a badge of honour but I think it is a good character trait. If you look at almost any system of wisdom in western or eastern traditions they are almost all geared to training you to not just let your emotions ride roughshod over you so that you can respond to life's challenges in a more skilful way. Its an ability that can protect you from certain mental health issues, from falling into unhealthy coping mechanisms and can help preserve your most precious relationships and assets in life.

Rather than being angry at other people OP perhaps work on yourself and how you deal with your own emotions?

Not angry, just observing. Emotional regulation is great, emotional suppression is the part I was questioning.

OP posts:

EmeraldRoulette · 09/11/2025 14:23

relieved I'm not the only one who misses the days when people didn't talk about their emotions constantly, to people they hardly know!

Especially at work

clearveil · 09/11/2025 14:21

I think I am fairly emotionally stable. This doesn't mean I don't feel things, I do very deeply but I have always been someone who processes things internally and privately. I am fairly self aware and have good coping skills for dealing with strong emotions in the moment and in the aftermath which help me to respond to situations and events rather than just react or act out.

I don't think it's a badge of honour but I think it is a good character trait. If you look at almost any system of wisdom in western or eastern traditions they are almost all geared to training you to not just let your emotions ride roughshod over you so that you can respond to life's challenges in a more skilful way. Its an ability that can protect you from certain mental health issues, from falling into unhealthy coping mechanisms and can help preserve your most precious relationships and assets in life.

Rather than being angry at other people OP perhaps work on yourself and how you deal with your own emotions?

RatsAss · 09/11/2025 14:20

Reality tv is full of emotionally unstable people, this causes many people to conclude that constantly crying/shouting/swearing is normal behaviour and being stoic and calm is indicative of being repressed or uncaring.

OldBeyondMyYears · 09/11/2025 14:15

Jesus! I bloody wish more people would self-regulate…this current ‘trend’ of over sharing every bloody emotion is draining!

OP…regulating your emotions IS healthy!! It’s not ‘suppression’ ffs! 🤦‍♀️

I am so over the ridiculous ‘heart on sleeve’ drivel that the current gen-whatever are so obsessed with posting online. Get a grip of yourselves 🤦‍♀️

shhblackbag · 09/11/2025 14:14

Fedupofwimps · 09/11/2025 13:19

I'd rather we went back to having a bit of 'stiff upper lip' than the current trend to over-share every little emotion 🤷‍♀️

Agree with this. I will never understand, for instance, crying about your issues on the Internet. Imagine setting up a camera and crying about your life to strangers. Genuinely cannot relate.

Original poster

TheTaupeMoose · 09/11/2025 14:09

CornishGem1975 · 09/11/2025 14:03

But how would you know which is which in my case?

Am I forcing myself to hide my grief

or

Do I genuinely not feel it

Maybe nobody really is forcing themselves.

Show quote history

I couldn’t possibly know in your case and you might be completely at peace with how you process things. I just meant more broadly - some people describe feeling pressure not to show emotion, even when they’d like to. That’s what I meant by “forcing.” It sounds like for you it’s just genuine steadiness, which is different.

OP posts:

IPM · 09/11/2025 14:06

It can also depend on age.

I was far more emotional before peri menopause hit, yet I've never felt the need for public outpouring or suppression.

It's just how I am.

CornishGem1975 · 09/11/2025 14:03

TheTaupeMoose · 09/11/2025 13:50

Some people are genuinely less emotional by nature and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. What I meant was more about people forcing themselves to suppress what they do feel, rather than those who simply experience emotions differently. There’s a real difference between being naturally steady and actively shutting down emotions out of habit or pride.

Show quote history

But how would you know which is which in my case?

Am I forcing myself to hide my grief

or

Do I genuinely not feel it

Maybe nobody really is forcing themselves.

Original poster

TheTaupeMoose · 09/11/2025 13:57

IPM · 09/11/2025 13:52

How do you know who's forcing it and who isn't?

Show quote history

I don’t “know”, it’s an observation based on patterns of behaviour people describe or show. That’s kind of the point of the discussion

OP posts:

JustTakeTheCakeJake · 09/11/2025 13:55

I think i know what you mean OP..
I'm a sharer of emotions but only with people close to me.

Dh doesn't express emotions but has struggled i think to feedll joy and has had depression.

I'm conscious i probably burden him a bit to much

IPM · 09/11/2025 13:52

TheTaupeMoose · 09/11/2025 13:50

Some people are genuinely less emotional by nature and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. What I meant was more about people forcing themselves to suppress what they do feel, rather than those who simply experience emotions differently. There’s a real difference between being naturally steady and actively shutting down emotions out of habit or pride.

Show quote history

How do you know who's forcing it and who isn't?

Original poster

TheTaupeMoose · 09/11/2025 13:50

CornishGem1975 · 09/11/2025 13:44

Why assume people are downplaying their emotions? Some of us genuinely aren't emotional as people.

For example, death doesn't bother me. My mum died this year, but life goes on. I've not found it distressing, I've not had to pour out my grief for weeks or months on end. I'm fine. That's not me downplaying or suppressing or hiding any emotions. It's weird to suggest that just because someone feels things different to you.

Some people are genuinely less emotional by nature and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. What I meant was more about people forcing themselves to suppress what they do feel, rather than those who simply experience emotions differently. There’s a real difference between being naturally steady and actively shutting down emotions out of habit or pride.

OP posts:

CornishGem1975 · 09/11/2025 13:44

Why assume people are downplaying their emotions? Some of us genuinely aren't emotional as people.

For example, death doesn't bother me. My mum died this year, but life goes on. I've not found it distressing, I've not had to pour out my grief for weeks or months on end. I'm fine. That's not me downplaying or suppressing or hiding any emotions. It's weird to suggest that just because someone feels things different to you.

Original poster

TheTaupeMoose · 09/11/2025 13:41

Meadowfinch · 09/11/2025 13:35

OP, everyone is entitled to manage their emotions in whichever way they like.

I prefer to keep mine in check because I don't want to burden my child, my family or my colleagues and friends when they very probably have their own worries and problems. I regard that as a matter of consideration and good manners. I don't regard it as a badge of honour. How can it be when others don't see what I'm feeling?

If you want to share your emotions, that is your choice.

I actually agree that being considerate of others is a good thing. I don’t mean that everyone has to share or offload constantly, just that there’s a difference between managing emotions and never allowing yourself to feel or express them. The latter can really take a toll over time, even when the intention is good.

OP posts:

TeenLifeMum · 09/11/2025 13:37

I’m surrounded by people with competitive feelings, grief and drama vampires, everyone with anxiety because no one can just feel anxious anymore. Just lots of emotions everyone needs medication for. I find it baffling and very different to the op so can’t relate.

IPM · 09/11/2025 13:36

TheTaupeMoose · 09/11/2025 13:30

It’s a general observation, not a census.

Show quote history

It was a statement.

Meadowfinch · 09/11/2025 13:35

OP, everyone is entitled to manage their emotions in whichever way they like.

I prefer to keep mine in check because I don't want to burden my child, my family or my colleagues and friends when they very probably have their own worries and problems. I regard that as a matter of consideration and good manners. I don't regard it as a badge of honour. How can it be when others don't see what I'm feeling?

If you want to share your emotions, that is your choice.

Original poster

TheTaupeMoose · 09/11/2025 13:30

IPM · 09/11/2025 13:25

And also

"It’s just bottling things up and eventually, it leaks out in other ways: passive aggression, burnout, coldness, detachment."

Why are you talking about over 8 billion people in the world as though they're all the same?

It’s a general observation, not a census.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheTaupeMoose · 09/11/2025 13:30

Catonacoldfridgefreezer · 09/11/2025 13:16

YABU for keep coming out with this claptrap!

Rest.

OP posts:

OriginalUsername2 · 09/11/2025 13:25

HappyNewTaxYear · 09/11/2025 13:20

You’re quite wrong. This country has been a maudlin mess since Diana died.

LOL

IPM · 09/11/2025 13:25

And also

"It’s just bottling things up and eventually, it leaks out in other ways: passive aggression, burnout, coldness, detachment."

Why are you talking about over 8 billion people in the world as though they're all the same?

DiscoBob · 09/11/2025 13:22

It depends on the emotions you're suppressing. If it's a negative one like anger, jealousy, rage etc then to function in polite society a certain level of suppression is arguably fairly essential.