Page 5 | Is what my Mum said I appropriate?

Original poster

clickyteeclick · 09/11/2025 07:41

BreakingBroken · 09/11/2025 07:38

It can be a lovely compliment regarding her build.
Yes parents grandparents etc have always commented on children’s appearance. It’s not a sin to say and think that a child is growing up to have a nice stature. Boys tall broad shoulders, athletic build etc Girls as well nice proportions graceful lovely hair etc etc etc.
This generational faux outrage over comments like this is weird.

But would you not agree that when performing a dance, that she’s worked on for months and overcome lots of shyness to perform, something else positive could be mentioned instead of her appearance? Surely that’s the least interesting thing about it?

OP posts:

TorroFerney · 09/11/2025 07:39

How old is your mum? She's obviously of an opinion that, for a woman, thinness is currency - which it was at some point (well and still is according to some discussions on here). Women having no agency and needing a man etc which I assume would be easier if you were slim and attractive.

My daughter has had from grandma - men are better teachers and boys are better at maths. She's predicted to get a 9 in GCSE (which grandma doesn't know but why let the facts get in the way of a good cliche). Mine is 83 though and not the brightest button with a bit of a personality disorder thrown in.

It will just be reflexive the comment, it will be out of her mouth and she won't see the issue - it's a compliment she will think. I am not saying it's right of course, the fact that she didn't even comment on the event itself is bonkers. Did she do so when talking to your daughter as I suppose that is the important thing.

I wouldn't get cross I would question her - why is that important, why are you commenting on a childs body - she will get huffy probably and think you are being highly unreasonable and "I can't say anything" and she will still think the stuff but will probably stop saying it. Which is what you want - well what you want is to not have her say it in the first place but that ship has sailed.

Original poster

clickyteeclick · 09/11/2025 07:38

That’s lovely of you to protect your niece like that. I pulled her up on it and it turned into a row so not sure she’ll heed it as well as your Mum did!

OP posts:

BreakingBroken · 09/11/2025 07:38

It can be a lovely compliment regarding her build.
Yes parents grandparents etc have always commented on children’s appearance. It’s not a sin to say and think that a child is growing up to have a nice stature. Boys tall broad shoulders, athletic build etc Girls as well nice proportions graceful lovely hair etc etc etc.
This generational faux outrage over comments like this is weird.

TamarindCottage · 09/11/2025 07:32

clickyteeclick · 09/11/2025 07:02

At a dance show with my youngest who is 10. She danced in front of 100 plus people. She’s very self concious and shy and did brilliantly. As we were clapping while she came off stage my mum said…. “Her figure is lovely, compared to what she used to be like”. Nothing about the dance…. Discuss 🙏🏻

Your mum’s comment was a dig and OOO

My late mum was brilliant in the main but tact wasn’t in her strong points. She criticised one of my elder nieces’ weight to me and having been the recipient of many of her “helpful” comments, I warned her off her saying anything similar to my pubescent youngest niece. If I heard Mum said anything like that in my younger niece’s presence, I told her I would not be responsible for my reaction. She took my advice and kept her unkind comments to herself

Original poster

clickyteeclick · 09/11/2025 07:31

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 09/11/2025 07:27

Who the fuck says this about a 10 year old

Yanbu OP, especially as she didnt even comment on the dancing which is what she was there to watch

Show quote history

Thank you. There was no comment at all on her dancing, or her costume, or the other dancers - that was literally the only thing she said.
I think previous posters are right when they’ve said she was trying to compliment her but she hasn’t been overweight for 9 years because she was a baby.

OP posts:

MrsEMR · 09/11/2025 07:30

I really think this was a totally unnecessary comment for your DM to make.
She sounds like my aunt who prefaces the first mention of someone with a comment on their weight/figure. Very “Mean Girls” in my opinion

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 09/11/2025 07:27

BallerinaRadio · 09/11/2025 07:05

I'm not sure how much discussion you'll be able to get out of this but was it just a crass clumsy way of saying she's lost weight and looks better for it?

Who the fuck says this about a 10 year old

Yanbu OP, especially as she didnt even comment on the dancing which is what she was there to watch

MaryBeardsShoes · 09/11/2025 07:25

I always think it’s best not to comment on a person’s weight. Your mum should have praised her dance not her looks. It’s so sensitive.

lynnebenfieldshandbag · 09/11/2025 07:24

This is the kind of shit my eating-disordered mother comes out with and it drives me mad. Talking about a young girl’s “figure” is completely inappropriate and unhelpful.

Original poster

clickyteeclick · 09/11/2025 07:24

NotForTheMoneyandNotForTheApplause · 09/11/2025 07:22

Why the instruction to discuss? We're not your pupils

Without knowing your mum or the full background and context who can say, I imagine it's not an isolated incident

Ok jeez 🙄. I put a little pray emoji as in a ‘please can someone talk me through this”. Consider me told off, won’t do it again.

OP posts:

ohdearmemummy · 09/11/2025 07:24

Catonacoldfridgefreezer · 09/11/2025 07:19

I don’t want to reply to anything when someone tell me to ‘discuss’.

I agree with this. Sounds like mum was being innocent and the op is just argumentive.

MaryBeardsShoes · 09/11/2025 07:23

NotForTheMoneyandNotForTheApplause · 09/11/2025 07:22

Why the instruction to discuss? We're not your pupils

Without knowing your mum or the full background and context who can say, I imagine it's not an isolated incident

Now you’re still all in discussion, just not about the actual topic. Don’t be so boring.

Original poster

clickyteeclick · 09/11/2025 07:22

SparklyGlitterballs · 09/11/2025 07:10

Has your DM ever made a comment in front of your DD about her weight? If so, it's no wonder she is self conscious. It's sad when someone feels it's acceptable to comment on a young child's body, but I agree with PP, it could have been a clumsily delivered compliment about her weight loss (assuming she was overweight previously). I would have been miffed if that was her only comment, and she had nothing positive to say about DD's performance. What did you say in response OP?

She has tried to say it to her before but I’ve always shut it down so she doesn’t hear.
Not overweight at all. She was a really chunky baby, all the rolls and has been super slim since she could walk really.
It turned into a row 😬

OP posts:

NotForTheMoneyandNotForTheApplause · 09/11/2025 07:22

Why the instruction to discuss? We're not your pupils

Without knowing your mum or the full background and context who can say, I imagine it's not an isolated incident

Inilp · 09/11/2025 07:22

Catonacoldfridgefreezer · 09/11/2025 07:19

I don’t want to reply to anything when someone tell me to ‘discuss’.

Ha same. It makes me feel like I am at school and irritates me!

thepariscrimefiles · 09/11/2025 07:21

Catonacoldfridgefreezer · 09/11/2025 07:19

I don’t want to reply to anything when someone tell me to ‘discuss’.

But you have replied. Just not helpfully.

Catonacoldfridgefreezer · 09/11/2025 07:19

I don’t want to reply to anything when someone tell me to ‘discuss’.

SparklyGlitterballs · 09/11/2025 07:10

Has your DM ever made a comment in front of your DD about her weight? If so, it's no wonder she is self conscious. It's sad when someone feels it's acceptable to comment on a young child's body, but I agree with PP, it could have been a clumsily delivered compliment about her weight loss (assuming she was overweight previously). I would have been miffed if that was her only comment, and she had nothing positive to say about DD's performance. What did you say in response OP?

CharlotteSometimes1 · 09/11/2025 07:06

No not appropriate and just the sort of thing my Mum would say. I haven’t worked out how to tell her, but she’s in her 80s and I don’t think I’m going to change her so have given up.

BallerinaRadio · 09/11/2025 07:05

I'm not sure how much discussion you'll be able to get out of this but was it just a crass clumsy way of saying she's lost weight and looks better for it?