DS not home yet

Presumably he was sleeping when you were messaging him, OP!

Glad he is safe and messaged you!

I’d not be happy either OP.

When he’s moved out and at uni he can be thoughtless. When he’s still living at home and you’re funding it, a text message to avoid an embarrassing mum moment is entirely within his control.

I have dc also 17 and we have an agreed curfew and time home. It is midnight. We usually pick up.

I personally think 1am is much too late, they are not adults yet and you need more boundaries not less. You want dc to have fun and freedom - but they are only 17 and still a minor. I wouldn’t be happy either op.

Glad he’s safe OP - these threads always make my stomach drop as I remember only too well that worry when they’re late teens and out for a night!

😵‍💫
the op didn’t go around to his friend’s

Yes yes, I know lots of mumsnetters had moved out, got three jobs and bought a property by 17

but I hadn’t
and my children haven’t
and at 17…. Bloody hell id have been in my car without a thought

Sweet Jesus I’d have woken up, seen he wasn’t there, waited 15 mins for a response and then pulled my jumper on and gone for my car keys.

Strange he does answer after you showed up at his friend's place. Ground him. Your house, your rules. Explain that if he does not pick up once again, there will be no going out at all.

As the person with a perfect party house who always has quite a few teens over, I can say to you if he’s in a right state the parents will let you know. They won’t want responsibility for any overly drunk teenagers.

My son is 17, it’s that age where they’re experimenting with alcohol a bit, they’re mostly amusingly ridiculous, not in danger.

He’s 17! Stop tracking his phone and let him live his life. Surely he can change his mind and come home later if he wants to? You sound suffocating.

That’s good op. Maybe have a conversation along the lines of, ‘If you don’t let me know what’s happening, I will want to come and see that you’re ok. I don’t want to have to do that as it’s worrying for me and probably a bit embarrassing for you. So could you please ensure you let me know what’s going on?’ Then if remind him before he goes out next time and he doesn’t, it’s on him not you.

If he still doesn’t do that next time, it’s possible to give him a curfew and consequence. Ground him for the week for example.

That's good! Sleep well, OP.

I understand your worry, but don’t go round. He might have fallen asleep and that’s why he’s not replying and you turning up will feel embarrassing for him. I would also worry that he will block me from seeing his location in the future if he thinks you’ll turn up.

he should have let you know, but unfortunately our teens don’t do what we want them to. Hopefully he’ll message you back as soon as he sees your message.

For future nights out tell him you expect him to let you know if he’s staying out with friends.

@Cliveatnight Do you have teenagers? I don’t know a single parent who doesn’t expect their under-18-year-old to let them know that they’re staying over with someone. We’re still responsible for them.

As you say, once they’re at uni, that’s the end of it. I have no idea what my DD (20) does but she’s learnt that it’s a good idea to always tell someone trusted where you are- so she and her flatmates communicate instead. They always know when someone’s not coming home that night. Better that than one of them getting into a dangerous situation.

My DS is 19 and had form to do this kind of thing between the age of 16-18. Every single time he was coming home this late and not answering his phone, he was absolutely pissed. He needed help getting home, so his friends or friends parents would take him home or phone me.
So OP, I'd say if you know where your son is right now, go and pick him up. He will likely be drunk and not be able to come home by himself.
I know how worried you must feel. Good luck!

Oh dear, that's worrying. Frustrating for you. I would not go round though! He is over the age of consent. If he's with a girl, he would be utterly humiliated if you go there. Having his friends/girlfriend know his mum tracks him would be so embarrassing he may turn off location sharing!

Just wait for morning, then call him. If he's hungover you can than insist on picking him up.

I’d be annoyed too. He’s probably asleep but tomorrow, I’d ask him to please always send a quick text to let you know that he’s staying over.

That’s what I asked DD (now 20) to do before she went to uni and DS (17) is expected to do the same. Just a quick “I’m staying over at John’s house” is fine.

DS wasn’t great at this for a while so a few months ago I explained to him that I only ask him to do this because as his Mum, I worry about him and just want to know that he’s safe. He actually seemed to get it and gave me a hug, said that he knew that I loved him.

So if your DS gets stroppy, I’d advise being honest. Underneath the teenage attitude, they do love us !

What is the problem with him getting drunk though?

OP I would find that so difficult too. I hope you hear back soon.

If he had texted to say he was okay and staying over he could still be drunk though. So think clearly about what you want from him - is he not permitted to stay out because he can’t be trusted to stay within the safe limits of drinking? Or do you really just want to know that he’s safely at someone’s house so you can sleep?

He’s old enough to be away at uni in another year and you wouldn’t have a clue what he was up to then. I think you need to loosen the apron strings