DS not home yet

Because I call bull shit on you having zero means to contact your mother

and this happened regularly. Your mother never said “you know what love, you’re 17 and I’m worried when you go out on a Friday and then I hear nothing from you until Sunday with no idea where you are or who you’re with. Could you give me a buzz on friend’s phone or from one of the many public phone boxes (that used to be around!)”

I’m with you on this pp , blows my mind some of the responses here being honest ..

Why do you want to know my exact age. I was a teenager in the 1970’s.

Are you for real ??
She doesn’t need to know whose house he is at !!.
As another pp has said he is 17 not 27 & it was at fuck off o clock in the morning ..
If I knew my son/ daughters location but hadn’t a notion who actually lived there & they weren’t replying to my messages , you maybe sure I’d be worried ..
Especially given the fact they could have drank too much & God knows whose house they went back to being swept along after a night out ..

He is 17 and you make sure he has done his homework? Good grief, that’s ridiculous. No wonder so many uni students are incapable of managing their own studies these days.

I was a teenager in the 80s and it wasn't that uncommon and they weren't necessarily dirt poor. I remember people being concerned about call costs then. Seemed to be phoneboxes on every corner then.

In the 70s I knew some families without TVs and a couple without fridges (PIL didn't then), but that's a whole different thread!

It’s one of the worst times to be a parent when they’re at the age of going out at night. I have spent many nights worrying myself in the early hours. It’s such a difficult time. It was a relief to me when they moved to uni campuses and I couldn’t worry about them if I didn’t know what they were doing (one reason why I didn’t want them at uni close by enough to stay home).

Glad everything is ok.

Thai should read not returned not 'returned'.

That's what I find odd, like I posted my Mum was 17 in the early 60s and they were worried about the arrangements of her going over to see my Dad and coming back on the bus about 10pm (!!) as they thought my Dad she visit her at their house more, I think he had better records which they wanted to play in his room. They would go to jazz bars and nights out at 18 as belonged to different societies etc. but if she had returned from one of those nights out even at 18 they would have definitely been alerting someone, they never would have thought nothing of it until Sunday!!

You were 17 in what year @cramptramp ?

Are you joking?

you were a teen in the 70s you say?

and did you mother literally have squat all where you were ever going? So she could not have, oh I don’t know when it hit the 36 hours later mark maybe pop around to where you’d said you’d be?

Didn't realise it was that unusual as my parents were teens in the 60's, in working class families and had phones.

Think it’s very clear the “well I didn’t have a phone and was fine and therefore you don’t need to be able to call or track” sentiment is well understood by most posters.

Can’t see any comments saying we shouldn’t have phones now.

TBH it's swings and roundabouts at all stages!

No not uncommon then. Why you were never seemed to be far from a phone box.

We have a rule in this house that no matter how old you are (I include myself in this) then you always announce when you are home, announce when you are going out and keep those at home updated on when you will be back or if you are staying out or if you are bringing guests back. Just common decency whether you are 16 or 76. It’s not about judgement or trying to restrict anyone it is purely to avoid anyone having a sleepless night or worrying needlessly.

Love the ‘back in my day there were no phones’ comments. Me either as a teenager in the early-mid nineties.

There were no seatbelts and smoking was allowed in my classroom in the 1980’s - should we still be doing that?

Population and culture were very different to today. With the benefit of age I can see I was in risky situations and a phone would have been useful.

I'm really glad your DS is home safe. I understand the worry. I follow similar rules with my son that my parents did with me: I had to let them who I was out with, where we'd be going and give them a time I would be home by. If I was going to stay out at a friends house, I had to let them know that. If I would be home later than I'd said, I had to let them know. It was just courteous. I lived at my parents place up into my 20's and still did this. If my siblings/myself were staying at our parents house as adults, we'd let them know our plans etc. I expect my son/my kids to do the same with me.

My DD is 12, my DS is 19: DS lives at home still. He finished his A Levels this summer and is working (waiting to join up). He's a sensible guy, and I know he can look after himself (he's done martial arts since he was 5 and has a black belt) but he knows that I won't sleep until he is home safe (he rides a motorbike to and from work, and does shift work). I just like to know he's safe. We all have the basic Life 360 thing on our phones: I work FT as a nurse (so I've seen enough in my >25yrs working in hospitals!), my DD walks herself to/from school, my son does shift work. I don't spend my life checking out where my kids are. I do check if my son is still at work, way beyond the time his shift has finished (just so I know that maybe his shift has over-run)...or if he's not yet home at a time he says he will be home by. And I like to see that my daughter is home safe or at school safe (she and her friends have to walk through a creepy forest path to get to/from school). They can see where I am too.

There were a few occasions where I have phoned or texted to see where he was if late, but he knows he has to let me know what's happening and that he's ok. There have been times where I've had to run out and get him/his mates and see them home safely (if they ended up getting really drunk). A couple of months back, he was out with friends and said he'd be home by midnight (a friend was also going to stay at our place). I had dosed off (very unusual for me to do that) but I woke at 1am, saw he wasn't home and checked where he was on Life 360. It showed the local hospital! I called him and it turned out that one of his friends had been set upon earlier in the evening (they'd just left the pub and were deciding whether to get a burger or a kebab for their walk home, when a random drunk guy started on the friend) and was in A+E. I dashed out to get them, and took them all home. Thank God his friend was ok: I messaged parents to let them know situ and that the boys were all safe at my place.

Another time a couple of years back, kids and I were at home one evening (it was a school/work night) and then DS got a message from one of his friends asking for his help: a couple of the girls they knew were v drunk and somewhere in "x park" (a park in town, known for where people drink/take drugs) and ANOTHER friend had messaged him to let him know (friend had been at home with his family). It was below zero temps in January. I dashed out with my son to meet the friend who had telephoned and go find the girls (my son was going to go alone with his friend to try and find them, but I insisted I'd go with them - as much to protect him/his mate as to ensure that the girls were ok) and get the girls back to their homes (about 10miles out of town - no taxi would have taken them and buses had stopped running by that point). One of the girls parents initially thought that my son/his mate had been the one that plied them with alcohol: I was able to explain what had happened to them (and that my son had been at home with me all evening). I think occasions like that have taught my son why I want to know what is happening and that he/his friends are safe...and that it is important to be open with parents about what's happening.

I don't think I'm molly coddling or being too strict. But my kids know that they can talk to me, and contact me if there is a problem, and I will be there. They also know that their friends are welcome here at the house and I will watch over them if need be.

1970’s. Lots of my friends didnt have phones in the house.

I mean, the parents would have called the police and even my Mum in the 1960s her parents would have wondered where the heck she was if she hadn't come home after going out Friday night and still not back Sunday without any communication, I know this as my Grandad was very cross with my Dad for not accompanying my Mum home across the City after they had seen each other so much so that my Dad bought a Moped to solve the situation.

Yes exactly, it is with the benefit of insight I can honestly say I really don’t want my teens expose or involved with high risk situations/people. I now work in an industry where we see firsthand the fall out. County lines, sexual offences, drug dealing, stealing cars, riding in stolen cars and a whole world of other issues that most of us are not remotely aware of. Thankfully.

I don't think it would 'would land them in care' mainly as the UK care system is not funded correctly but it isn't great that no one cares where a 17 year old is Friday to Sunday surely, in 2025? I was a teen mid to late 90's all of the parents of my friends would definitely would be worried if their DD had been missing Friday to Sunday so unless we are discussing pre second world war years it seems quite a stretch to think this!

Exactly, definitely at 17!

How do you know there are parents there? I picked dd15 up from a party last night at 1am. She had wanted to stay over but the party of 15 and 16 year olds in a city centre flat had no parents/adults present. I was shocked how many parents were seemingly ok with this as there was about 10 of them staying (mix of boys and girls too). She was slightly annoyed at not being allowed to stay but accepting. There could well be no adults at a 17 yo gathering