Kid left out of party - why?!

Some parents are such twats and do a lot to contribute to playground exclusion/ bullying.

It's likely to be a numbers thing. What's the activity at the party? My daughter is 10 and we can only really afford to invite 5 or 6 when they do activities that are about £15 a head

It might be that she's allowed a certain number and is also inviting a few from outside school. They've been thoughtless. Sometimes people get it wrong.

That’s negligent parenting. They should teach the child basic manners. Eg small part with up to 3 female friends or include all 8 girls in the class.

She said the mum set up the WhatsApp group but fair enough they are both dicks.

If the two children were mean enough to her dd that she would not be invited to a party (absolutely no evidence she was) then would op not have known via the school. I would presume an adult brave enough to leave a child out of a party would have the balls to talk to the OP also.

I am dealing with something similar in my own class at the moment. One girl is being left out and it's bloody heartbreaking to watch. The others talk about parties and play dates while she sits silently. She is never mean just a little bit more awkward and innocent than the others .

My daughter was incredibly popular in Reception but by year 4 things were very different - she inadvertently upset just about everyone and only the most patient, kind mothers were still making an effort with her. I was completely beside myself, not understanding what was going on. She turned out to be diagnosed with neuro diversity. Basically her social skills weren't keeping up with the other girls, whose friendship skills were becoming increasingly sophisticated, whereas she was still wanting to play horses! Her party invitations dried up too and attempts to invite girls over for activities didn't get us very far either, sadly.

That doesn't seem too unreasonable. I get they talk to each other but that's quite common when there aren't many children to socialise with and doesn't mean they are too close.

This happened to my DD

When I thought about it, I realised the party mum probably felt obliged to invite kid A and B because she’s friends with their mums, kid C because party child’s dad plays football and drinks with Kid C’s dad, Kid D because they live on the same road, and kid E because kid E’s family are hugely sociable and host lots of parties themselves.

Whereas they didn’t have a “reason” to invite my DD

Maybe the child chose the list? Maybe the host said a limit of X number could be invited? Wealth or house size is not necessarily relevant.
This happens, all the time. Often we never know the reasons why and it is harsh when you've hosted that child yourself. But this is so common - no point even trying to second guess, will only drive you mad. Nowt queerer than folk!

DS was in a very girl-heavy class in his second primary, 20 girls, 7 boys. Of the six other boys, DS only invited four to parties, because they were his friends. I don’t think he felt negatively towards the others, but they weren’t people he wanted to spend time with outside of school.

No-one here can tell you why your DD hasn't been invited OP. I would tell DD that it's not a nice feeling to be left out but it happens sometimes and we just have to roll with it. Maybe you could invite the other little girl to tea and take the girls out for a fun activity instead?

How small a group of girls is small? If there are only 5 or 6 other girls and she’s invited 3 or 4 and left out 2 I wouldn’t say that’s a big deal, she might just want a smaller gathering and inviting two-thirds isn’t unreasonable. If we’re talking 10+ girls then leaving out just two is obviously a bit more of a big deal as then it does feel like there is an overwhelming majority invited.

1. Why only the mother not the father?
2. how on earth do you know - maybe the ops dd has been unkind? We don’t know.

This happened to my DD, same age almost same circumstances. I was upset (actually really fucking irrationally angry) on her behalf. The party girls mum plastered it all over Facebook as well which pissed me off at the time. There isn’t anything you can do though apart from tell your DD she’s wonderful and these things happen to everyone at some time. The feelings pass and everyone moves on. My DD ended up being really close to the girl in question in sixth form.

Honestly, they're 9 years old. They haven't learned how to be friends yet - not in the way that adult friendships work anyway. They have wierd logic. .. Maybe leaving one girl out was too mean, so another really nice one was left out too, to make it less personal for the one that definitely wasn't invited. Who knows? All you can do is be sympathetic, and make plans for a great weekend when the party is

How would anyone here know why she’s one of the girls not invited?

Could it be that your DD and the other girl not invited will be going to a different senior school to the others and the birthday girls mum is future planning? There may be other girls, outside of the class, attending.
I agree with Genevieva
plan a fun activity for your DD and the other non-included girl- and maybe a few of the boys! Nasty behaviour...

I think you may also need to work on some things. Such as your grammar if you want, as it would seem you do, to make scathing comments.

This is a very good idea! Take the two girls to the cinema or they could have a sleepover just the two of them..

If it's a small class and boy heavy I have to wonder just how many children we're talking about here? If she's only invited a handful then leaving two out doesn't seem as unreasonable as inviting more than 10 and leaving out two?

Absolutely shitty on the mothers behalf. I totally understand why you are upset. Id love to say ye are better off without such a horrible person in her life but I can imagine how much it hurts.

I did this accidentally. We have mixed year group classes and I told dd she could have 4 girls over for a sleepover. I hadn’t realised there were only 5 in the year group (because of the mixed classes).

How do you know about the WhatsApp group?