Kid left out of party - why?!

Excluded.

But it isn't all of the class except for 2 girls. It isn't a full class party in the first place.

Definition of excluded- to be denied access to a place (and other things). The OP’s daughter was excluded from this party.
If my work team had a party and all but me and one other person were invited I’d be hurt and wondering why.
Feels like there are some people on here trying to justify their own shitty behaviour

Perhaps write a little clearer and correctly, before attacking the OP?

If you do that every time she's not invited somewhere then you'll be doing a lot of pandering.

Most give their children a set number and your daughter isn’t on the favourites list, it’s life and you and your daughter need to get use to it, as it won’t be the last time.

My daughter has picked an activity for her birthday that is 10 people max so only 9 kids can be invited. If she invited two cousins or friends from after school clubs that would leave 7 to pick from school.
It’s most likely a situation like that.

I was not invited to lots of parties, and even had other kids say they weren't going if I was invited. I've also been bullied. I still think it's fine to not invite every child to every party. Your child is sad, of course it's not nice, but it's part of life. Sit down together and watch Inside Out (the first one, not the second one).

It stings. I remember having the same thing with my daughter and my heart broke for her. My advice is to plan a fun day with her. Take her out shopping, to get her nails done or for an afternoon tea. Do silly things like photos in a photo booth. Treat her to a jellycat or whatever she is in to. Honestly in years to come she won't remember being left out of the party but will remember having a fun day out with mum.

Excluded or not being invited to everything/part of everything?
They're two different things.
People are allowed to spend time with who they choose - the general rule for me is not to exclude someone just because they're ND, but also not to include them just because they're ND either. Also, some people (not necessarily you) think everyone sees their child in the same 'lovely' way they do, when in reality some kids can be quite horrible at times. Specifically with ND, it's also much harder to have a party if you're constantly wondering if one child (not your own) is ok, or if it's too much. Other people don't know your child as well as you do.

Birthday girl and her parents don't sound very nice imo

Where money isn't an issue, and OP says it isn't, I just don't see how they can be to invite 7 out of 9 girls in the class when there are no reported issues and the girls all get on and spend breaktimes together generally.

I’d assume parent hasn’t thought about it/realised/thought they wouldn’t find out.

Id tell dd she gets invited to lots of parties/does nice things it’s no big deal . But I wouldn’t invite the girl to your DDs next party.

Not being invited to every party isn't being excluded. Patents need to stop framing it that way.

Oh gosh, the drama on this thread!
It must be very stressful to live like this, always looking for the worst motives and analysing every aspect of something as simple as a party invite... must be hard for the children to be wound up by their mothers over nothing too.

Reading your responses, it could be that one of the other girls, perhaps jealous in some way of your daughter or wanting to exert her power over the party girl, or within the group (adults do this as well as children in friendship groups) has asked the party girl not to include her. Its like an extension of the child who exludes another from a group in the playground. The other children might want the excluded child to play but are afraid to stand up for them in case they become the excluded one.

It's a tough one. It's expensive having parties so maybe it was a limit on numbers. I think it's important to help our kids manage disapointment and unfortunately we can't be invited to everything all the time. My son is nearly 7 and has had no invites from school only family and it can be difficult but that's life!

There is something called common courtesy and manners. If you aren’t going to return the invite, decline the invite!

Exactly, I agree. Having a big house and lots of money doesn't necessarily mean you should always have big parties.
OP, saying they could afford it isn't a valid point. Some kids prefer smaller parties (my DC certainly did) that are more personal, and this is more common as kids get older.
Some parents give their child the autonomy to choose who comes, and don't interfere at all with their child's choices... this can lead to issues like your situation where the birthday child chooses on a whim and it might not always be the most thoughtful process.
I'm sorry you and your DD are feeling hurt. Try to let it go and not take it personally.
x

I agree. My DD would invite the whole class if she could, but 7 small children running around is too much, I can’t handle more. Also, I don’t really keep track of how many girls vs boys there are in her class

I would find it embarrassing to ask. Plus what if the answer is one you didn't want to hear. No my daughter didn't want yours at her party as she has been laughing at her/making fun of her at school with the other girl who isn't invited. No your DD isn't invited as last year she misbehaved and we had to tell her off.
No your DD isn't invited. We didn't have the space to invite an extra child.
No DD isn't invited as my daughter isn't really friends with her and I said to invite close friends only.
No your DD isn't invited as our children don't really play together anymore/aren't interested in the same things.

Will hearing the reason make it any better? People seem to assume that maybe the mum will suddenly change the guest list on knowing that two girls weren't invited, when if they have been in school the whole time together she is very likely to know.

Even if the mum or daughter did ask the parent or child might just lie about it anyway e.g. the child could easily just blame her mum for not allowing everyone to come.

There are all sorts of reasons really.No one can say why without knowing the dynamics .Kindly ,in a couple of years she will be going to senior school and meet lots of new kids there .You can rack your brains but never come to an answer . Just say to DD that you have something special in mind for that day anyway.Then treat her to swimming /shopping/whatever /lunch out .Im sure your girl is lovely ,but girls have a habit of splintering off as they come towards the end of primary school .Does she have other friends from activities outside school? Maybe widen her friendship group a little

My experience was that by this age most girls in dad's class had a firm best friend, and then these combinations would get together, and the girls who were not in a "couple" were often left out. Partly this was because these were the girls with less advanced social skills (asd in some cases, like my daughter), special needs, serious illness etc. But also a spare girl is a threat to a couple. So the couples won't invite them, and the mums of these girls can be very focused on helping their daughters maintain their status - that means supporting the best friend thing and only inviting other sets of best friends. They don't want a random girl to suddenly take their daughter's bestie away. And this is a real issue at around age 9 where some of the younger girls haven't cottoned on yet that they need a best friend, and "poaching" will happen as they realise it, and the mums are often heavily involved.

I remember several of these best friend couples, where the girls were clearly drifting apart, but the mums were doing all they could to keep it going. They eould never have allowed spare girls to come to a party.

I accidentally left out a child from the class a few months ago. I set up a WhatsApp group for my child’s birthday and added the wrong mum (same name!) who never responded. It crossed my mind that it was weird I hadn’t heard from them but I was so busy I didn’t follow it up. I absolutely mortified. The wee girl was so upset to have been left out. I had her over a few days later for a play date (and made the nicest lunch ever!) to make up for it. I really, really wish the mum or someone would have asked me for clarification. Better to know if there’s a reason for not being invited.

Quite. And it’s very painful. Lucky you if you’ve never experienced it, but the effects are long-lasting. I once read an article which said that this age( 9/10) is a pivotal one and what happens to children socially at that age is highly influential in their future social and psychological health.

(And no, I can’t remember the details or source - it was a while ago.)

I think you will never know unless you felt like you could ask the parents who organised the party (which I could never do!). My DD was the only girl in her class left out of a party aged 10. I didn't know anything about it but we walked past the pizza restaurant in town one weekend and saw them all sitting in the window. My DD then told me that the birthday girl had handed out invitations to all the girls in class during class except her. Although she wasn't great friends with the girl, they got on ok and I can never understand the mindset of leaving only one person out.

The Mum had always been nice whenever I encountered her and my DD is kind and gentle so would not have been left out because she had been mean or nasty to the birthday girl. I assumed it had just been an oversight as my DD is pretty quiet. I made sure not to make a big deal out of it with her. She's at secondary school now and has made new friends. She doesn't keep in contact with any of the girls from primary school and I'm sure never dwells on missing out on the party.