AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

Wow. His teacher advised against taking history. His tutor has advised that your son is not really suited to the course. Your son can't tell the cold war from his arse. He was late for his first session. You acknowledge he's "not very good at it". And the tutor is at fault? Fucks sake!!!!!!!!

Exactly this. I’d stop wasting money and stress on a GCSE he’s going to fail, and focus efforts on the really important ones. What are his other predictions?

Ive been following your comments on this thread - but not everyone else’s.

In terms of the way the tutor is handling communication with you - it doesn’t sound like the best currently with tone and temperament being poor. However, what he is actually saying regards to the issues seems to be accurate - there are huge gaps in both subject knowledge and skills required at the current time.

It very much sounds though as if you haven’t found the right tutor for you or your son to have a good working relationship with moving forward.

Yes he’s offered extra sessions ( at a price ) but will these make a difference long term - and it also sounds like it really isn’t a great idea for history to be one of his subjects at A level given the current struggles.

I think you have decisions to make for the next little while

1. review current thoughts about a level subjects
2. decide whether continuing tutoring is going to be worthwhile longer term
3. if so decide whether the tutor you are currently employing is the right fit for you and your son.
4. would face to face tutoring work better for your son rather than online ?
5. how much commitment you want to make to your sons history gcse in terms of time and money - what sacrifices would you and he need to make to make it work.
6. is your son really into increasing his history grade or is it all lip service to keep you happy.

good luck as you decide how to move forward !

OP please read the posts from me and others who know from experience how hard A' Level History is. It is hard to explain just how different and more challenging it is compared to GCSE. Your son isn't going to be able to do it, and your continuing fixation on it is setting him up to fail.

My children have done History GSCE (9's), are doing/have done History A Level (A*),and one is doing a History degree. It is a lot of work , and that is IF YOU LOVE IT and HAVE AN APTITUDE FOR IT. Respectfully OP, your son appears to have neither based on what he you have said.

Can get the grade up from a 2/3 to a 4/5 by next summer? Yes - with a heck of a lot of work, but as he has't been taking notes etc, then really, it's going to be an uphill struggle. Certainly no likelihood of A Level. My younger child is finding the jump from GCSE to A Level History hard - and he got a 9!

Cricket and downtime ? No chance. IF he was on track , then yes, certainly. However based on what you are saying he is absolutely not and downtime & cricket are going to be a luxury.

I just don't see why history has to be treated like some impossible subject when surely if someone knows how to revise efficiently then it's a level playing field.

It's not an impossible subject, but it's very tough to grasp history unless you have an idea of how trends and events interact. I don't think flashcards and quizzes would promote such understanding, because they'd just give dates and events.

I love history, but I'd be pushed to give the dates of the Cold War, despite being ancient and having lived through most of it. But I know that it must have started in the early years following WW2 and would have ended with the break up of the Soviet Union in 1991.

I'm far from convinced that it's the right subject for your son if he hasn't got the instinct or interest for it.

Right this makes more sense -
working reception is not the same as understanding the nuance of the education system especially during thr exam years -
the tutor is not rude -
it’s more that you want to hear what you want want to hear
other than you and ‘your friend’ everyone - here, your DH, the tutor are all saying the same thing!!!!!

Your kid can only revise what he bothers to learn & not making notes in class because he's decided his teacher isn't good is your kid refusing to learn, as evidenced by him not even retaining the topic of his most recent lessons. All the flashcards, mindmaps & quizzes in the world can't fix the fact that you & your kid want people to magically insert knowledge into his head while he resists doing any actual learning. That's not revision, he has to make the effort to learn something before he can revise it.

Almost a perfect ending to the sorry tale! Let’s hope the tutor/student was doing the same syllabus/ same exam board and kept all his notes, because it doesn’t sound as though either the tutor/student or the OPs child have the foggiest idea what they are doing.

OP - you're an engaged parent and care a lot. As does your husband. Your son is very lucky.

Many of the repliers are in the education world, I think, and replying with that hat on.

Tutoring is so expensive and I'm anxious on your behalf that you shouldn't throw money at solutions that will not work unless your son changes his own behaviour.

It's like sport - you will only run a 5k if you can run 30 seconds, then a minute, then 10 minutes without stopping. You can't run a 5k just by paying for a personal trainer and waiting for the results to follow.

Your son is what, 15, 16? It's time for him to start grafting, to make progress towards whatever it is that he wants to do for the longer term.

If he's sporty, could he look at A-level PE? It's quite academic, though - not an 'easy' subject.

There is a lot of work in the sports world.

Otherwise, think of trades or professions or occupations that would suit his strengths, and work systematically in those directions, keeping options open wherever he can, so that he can go 'more academic' or 'more vocational' as and when things change.

Think about what you can do to scaffold your son's learning practice every day. Time on gaming, TV, social media should be rationed - because they're drawing time and attention away from learning and exercise, and perhaps sleep. And they're all spending so much time on them.

Keep checking in with him about how he sees his future. Many young people seem to have a vague sense that they would go into similar jobs as their father or uncle - but doing 'better'. This is especially so since they tend to be better-taught in high school and get better grades than their fathers might have done.

However, it's tougher now for young men to get into good universities compared with their fathers - because it's so much more competitive, and the gender gap in achievement has got so much bigger. And the world of work has changed a lot too.

So, he needs to have a plan, and to be realistic about what it takes to 'do well'.

Whatever his plan is, he needs to be doing a solid couple of hours every evening, at least, on study and homework. He's young and this is the best time to be learning - much easier than learning skills at 30 or 40.

I assume he's in school from 8.30 until about 3. Even allowing for a commute, he has a good 6 hours in the evening to himself.

If he wants a 6, he could certainly catch up if he puts say an hour a day into it - he could use ChatGPT to write a catch-up plan out for him - but he will have to do lots of reading, learning and note-taking.

Actively taking notes, in long-hand, is absolutely crucial.

He may well be very smart, but with slow processing speed. He might be a slow reader, or slow at drafting. If useful to know, screen readers work really well now. But these are sadly reasons why he has to work harder than others - not put in roughly the same amount of time (getting only half as much done) and expect to get the same marks as friends. Even where extra time is made available in exams, or deadline extensions, markers have to mark what is on the page.

Turning up to school every day, even when a bit under the weather, also matters a lot. Every day missed will affect his final grade expectations.

I do believe that training and technique matter a lot, so if he works hard, he will definitely improve. For his GCSEs, this really is the last minute. You may feel that you are doing all that can be expected as a parent - but paying eye-watering amounts for a tutor will just be a sticking plaster if the work hasn't been done.

I agree. OP why have you started this thread ? Your attitude is combative and you’re not prepared to listen to anyone. And putting cricket practice above his GCSE tutoring when he’s clearly so far behind in his studies is indefensible. Why are you so clueless as to where he is with this ?

I'm a bit baffled by you saying he needs to be taught to make mind maps and flash cards op. He will have been doing these in school for several subjects since year 7.

Op it sounds like you want your ds to do things that “look good on the CV” rather than work to his strengths. Which he probably hasn’t had any opportunity to explore because his mother is completely fixated on highly academic A-Levels.

The tutor cannot teach revision techniques to someone with huge gaps in knowledge. There’s zero chance he’s going to get from 2 to a 6 with his attitude. I mean, it’s not unheard of, but is unlikely.

A predicted 6 in English is a B grade in old money, so that’s perfectly respectable. A 2 or 3 in history will not get him on a history A-Level. Sorry op.

The more you reply the more I pity DS. I have three DCs. Our two DSs were average students (scored an average of 5/6 in their GCSEs). With our support both chose vocational courses in college. This lead to good engineering apprenticeships, and subsequently great careers in an industry they love with no student debt.

I would never have pushed either DS into A levels, it clearly wouldn't have suited either and they'd have struggled academically. If either had been only achieving 2/3s with extra tuition, I'd have actively discouraged him and pulled the tuition, which is presumably costing around £400 a month.

DD ( again no extra tuition and didn't attend a selective school) is self-motivated and knew it was down to her to get the grades to hopefully progress to her chosen career. She knew anything under an 8 at GCSE would likely be reflected in her A levels at grades lower than were needed to get into a decent university and the degree she needed.
Your job is to be realistic. You keep going on about the rudeness of the tutor when you must see they're irrelevant because it's unlikely DS will even be accepted into any sixth form. I'd be more concerned that A levels weren't the right fit anyway if DS needed three hours of tuition a week to scrape in.

I am a History graduate and have taught GCSE - honestly OP son should not need coaching for history GCSE if he had listen in class, taken his notes in class and done about one essay a week - usually from old exam papers. What has he been doing?

This is one of the most enjoyable threads I've read for ages.

Mum claims to be "in education" herself... A couple of posts later, when she's called on it... Turns out she's a school receptionist. 😂

Tutor kindly offers 3 sessions a week, in any attempt to get DS up to speed, but he can't possibly manage that because of... cricket. It's not even cricket season!

Priorities babe. Priorities.

The decision about whether to do A level history will likely be taken out of his hands anyway. The decent sixth forms here are pretty strict about who they let on their courses. You need strong passes in maths and English and absolute minimum 6 preferably 7 plus in the subject. They know from years of experience that students not of that standard will likely fail A levels.

What’s your job in the school? If you’re a teacher or an LSA you may well be better placed to support your son with his history than a university student given that you think it’s his study skills he needs help with more than subject knowledge. If you’re office staff then maybe you can’t do it yourself, but you’re surrounded by people who know what they’re doing and might be able to point you in the right direction.

Either way, telling the tutor how to do his job was only ever going to annoy him. I think it’s likely that relationship has turned sour now so you’d do better to look for a new tutor if you plan to continue with tuition.

I got the top grade at GCSE for history and then failed the A level entirely in spite of doing a fair bit of revision. I would take seriously what this tutor is saying. You may not like it now but honestly, sometimes tough advice can save you further down the line and A levels are very different from GCSEs.

@SoCloseToNothing1981 Yes, revision techniques are important - of course! - but that really isn't for a private subject tutor to focus on, it's to teach and ensure knowledge and understanding.

Revision techniques are taught at most schools, even when it's not obvious but I'm actually gobsmacked you would think private tutors are there for revision techniques. If it's revision technique that you after, there are such tutors too (less common).

I don't often say this on MN but - goodness me!

Why don't you tutor him then if you know best.

Can you imagine someone who worked at a hospital as a receptionists telling a patient they need a different type of surgery?

Tbf I think this is what is needed. Teachers and tutors have said that history is not for him but both OP/DH/DS have persisted, mock grades are suboptimal (politely), they are disorganised, disrespectful and deluded. Harsh but fair, IMO - not sure who will tell them that IRL, that’s partly why people turn to anonymous forum.

OP at the base of it you need to understand that moving up 3-4 grade levels at this point is completely unrealistic.

You are asking the tutor to compensate for years of underperformance in a very short time.

Everything the tutor has done which you deem as rude is to make you realise these facts.

At this point there is almost no way any school would allow him to take history as an a level with a 2/3 failing grade.

Stop blaming the tutor and realise your son isn’t taking notes, isn’t capable and doesn’t know how to pass history. Your tutor is trying to tell you this repeatedly in different ways but you can’t see it.

Choose another subject.

Perhaps he confused the Cold War with the Cod War.