Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

759 replies

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 21:22

First time posting on here (long-time lurker). I'm not sure what I'm looking for here tbh, maybe just a hand-hold or just (brutally) honest opinions, but I'm just feeling a bit weird about a Zoom call I had with my DS' history tutor yesterday. I might be overreacting but it's just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Me and DH decided to get DS a tutor for GCSE History. He's in Year 11 and he's had a bit of a shit time with the course. When he was choosing his options in year 9, his history teacher did recommend that he do geography instead because his essay-writing and memory surrounding dates was not good (he did roughly the same in terms of achievement in both history and geography). The thing is he is interested in it, but he just can't remember key dates very well. The thing is he wants to do history at A Level. I feel bad for him because he likes the subject, but he's just not very good at it and obviously that's problematic if he is considering this subject as a potential academic or career pathway.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise. The tutor says that he likes to do a baseline assessment with the students so he can determine their areas they need work on, which again I found a bit overkill because why are you already testing DS when you haven't taught him how to revise yet?? We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

The tutoring has been going on for 2 months, and the tutor scheduled a Zoom call with me to basically tell me that we may want to reconsider choosing History as an A Level option. This really caught me off guard, and it came across as him telling me how to parent my child! He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations, and whilst he is totally happy to support DS with this he can't ignore the fact that if these skills aren't being mastered in Year 11 history then this is going to severely set DS back when he starts Year 12. I ask the tutor about what revision methods he has taught DS, and the tutor said that the subject knowledge is a key area of weakness, and DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good. I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in. But I'd prefer him to prioritise teaching DS how to revise history, and if I'm asking for a particular service surely I should receive it?

So, AIBU to think this tutor has a bit of an attitude and is overstepping the mark a bit? I don’t need him to tell us which subjects DS should or shouldn’t do at sixth form, I just want him to teach DS how to revise properly!

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 08/11/2025 22:15

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 22:13

The thing is I can't really get rid of this tutor because my DS has had 3 history tutors because the other 2 let him down

Did they not agree with your idea about how they should be working either?

FunkyBiddyPop · 08/11/2025 22:14

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 22:13

The thing is I can't really get rid of this tutor because my DS has had 3 history tutors because the other 2 let him down

Let him down how?

Bitofashock · 08/11/2025 22:14

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 22:13

The thing is I can't really get rid of this tutor because my DS has had 3 history tutors because the other 2 let him down

maybe it’s not the tutors??? Just an idea….

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 22:13

Whyherewego · 08/11/2025 22:12

He's not replied because that's not what he's tutoring. He's a tutor who has a particular way of tutoring. Doesn't work for you/DS and that's fine. Just move on and find another. Stop obsessing over this one.

The thing is I can't really get rid of this tutor because my DS has had 3 history tutors because the other 2 let him down

OP posts:
Whyherewego · 08/11/2025 22:12

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 22:08

I do see your point about baseline assessments but I just feel like it could have been done after teaching him some strategies rather than at the very start of the tutoring journey.

As for the charger and being late, yes, I did talk to him about being more organised but the he had been up early the day before to revise.

I appreciate your point about hobbies. That said, I really think the key is that he learns how to revise properly. If he masters that, I genuinely think he can catch up on the subject knowledge.

I have sent the tutor a sample mind-map template my friend uses with her class as I thought it might help him see what I mean. He hasn't replied yet, which again is frustrating.

He's not replied because that's not what he's tutoring. He's a tutor who has a particular way of tutoring. Doesn't work for you/DS and that's fine. Just move on and find another. Stop obsessing over this one.

VickyEadieofThigh · 08/11/2025 22:11

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 22:08

I do see your point about baseline assessments but I just feel like it could have been done after teaching him some strategies rather than at the very start of the tutoring journey.

As for the charger and being late, yes, I did talk to him about being more organised but the he had been up early the day before to revise.

I appreciate your point about hobbies. That said, I really think the key is that he learns how to revise properly. If he masters that, I genuinely think he can catch up on the subject knowledge.

I have sent the tutor a sample mind-map template my friend uses with her class as I thought it might help him see what I mean. He hasn't replied yet, which again is frustrating.

Mind maps are how a student organises the knowledge they have covered in order to help them remember it. Your son can't remember what topic he's doing.

blacksax · 08/11/2025 22:11

You can't revise what you don't know. That's not called revision, it's called learning.

InterestedDad37 · 08/11/2025 22:11

Listen to the tutor, he's being honest with you. And a baseline assessment is absolutely the norm.

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 22:10

FiveGoMadInDorset · 08/11/2025 22:05

i very much doubt he would be able to do History at A level with a grade 5

the requirement at his school is a grade 6

OP posts:
Skybluepinky · 08/11/2025 22:09

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 21:55

It's interesting because I spoke with my friend this week who's a teacher. She doesn't teach history but still it's good to have her opinion.

She said she completely agrees with me that revision techniques are important, and she gave me an example she did with her own class where she set her year 10's a task where they had to make a mind-map of key themes from An Inspector Calls and then use it to plan an essay. She said even her weaker students improved loads because they could visualise the connections between characters and themes. That's exactly what I've been trying to get this tutor to do! I don't see why it's so hard to integrate something like that into a history topic and then create an essay plan afterwards. I mentioned this in the call I had yesterday with the tutor, and he was fixating on how he is not confident of DS hitting his target grade of a 5 in his mocks in December!

I'm not saying my friend is some sort of education guru, but it does beg the question of whether we're dismissing revision techniques.

I still think there's a bit of a difference between tutoring and just telling someone they're bad at essay writing, and I feel like I'm going round in circles trying to explain this to the tutor.

Getting a 6 for English would tell you that essay writing is not a strong skill for them.

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 22:08

Whentosayitsover · 08/11/2025 22:01

Tutor is not the problem here.
Using a baseline assessment is EXACTLY what a tutor should do! Also, not having the charger and sleeping in are terrible excuses for being late and you should have been on at DS to get his act together.

The tutor sounds completely professional and realistic on the feedback he has provided. You need to listen to him. If your DS lives history why not let him go along to local history societies or other groups where he can do this as a hobby and support your son in gaining qualifications in subjects where he stands a chance of achieving a decent grade.

I do see your point about baseline assessments but I just feel like it could have been done after teaching him some strategies rather than at the very start of the tutoring journey.

As for the charger and being late, yes, I did talk to him about being more organised but the he had been up early the day before to revise.

I appreciate your point about hobbies. That said, I really think the key is that he learns how to revise properly. If he masters that, I genuinely think he can catch up on the subject knowledge.

I have sent the tutor a sample mind-map template my friend uses with her class as I thought it might help him see what I mean. He hasn't replied yet, which again is frustrating.

OP posts:
WiseSheep · 08/11/2025 22:08

Revision requires extant knowledge. It is RE-vising.
I would be disappointed if the tutor wasn't doing revision skills and practice at the end of a unit however a full unit needs to be covered first. Have they done this?

And your question about why History needs to be treated differently to other subjects is that in current GCSEs it is very different. In English, Maths and Science there is a big focus on skills and the ability to synthesise information. In History the current setup is know this textbook inside out so you can write about it in detail and use skills to analyse it. You cant really revise skills without just doing endless exam questions.

Owly11 · 08/11/2025 22:07

Omg you have hired a professional to do a job but you think you know better. How can you revise something that you haven't even yet learnt. Stop being a nightmare parent and listen to the tutor.

VickyEadieofThigh · 08/11/2025 22:07

CarlaLemarchant · 08/11/2025 22:06

Two professionals with knowledge of teaching GCSE and A Level History are telling your son not to take it at A Level. I think you would be mad not listen to them. If he’s good at other subjects, tell him to take them. Nothing to say that this needs to be the end of his interest in history, he can still learn for enjoyment.

By the sound of it, the decision will be out of his hands because I seriously doubt he'll get a good enough grade next summer.

andfinallyhereweare · 08/11/2025 22:06

@SoCloseToNothing1981 I taught history for 12 years and when it comes to GCSE I agree being taught how to revise is paramount, however, revision comes after the content has been taught/learned sufficiently. It seems that your son isn’t at the revision stage yet which is fine, perhaps concentrating on content for a few months will help?

Being blunt op if it gets to Easter and his knowledge gaps are still the same history a level won’t be for him. See how he goes in his mocks. Also sign up for Seneca if he hasn’t already, a great revision tool.
senecalearning.com/en-GB/

Skybluepinky · 08/11/2025 22:06

He doesn’t have the skills required, school have told you this, and now the tutor is, they can’t even remember what they have been taught!
Listen to them, your child needs to do another subject unless failing is their aim.

CarlaLemarchant · 08/11/2025 22:06

Two professionals with knowledge of teaching GCSE and A Level History are telling your son not to take it at A Level. I think you would be mad not listen to them. If he’s good at other subjects, tell him to take them. Nothing to say that this needs to be the end of his interest in history, he can still learn for enjoyment.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 08/11/2025 22:05

i very much doubt he would be able to do History at A level with a grade 5

Hundies100 · 08/11/2025 22:05

Going to leave the thread as your denial is off the charts.

“Look I spoke with a friend who completely agreed with my opinion” despite 2 independent professionals telling me otherwise and all the data supporting their view.

But no, if only they did mind maps.

HonoriaBulstrode · 08/11/2025 22:04

she gave me an example she did with her own class where she set her year 10's a task where they had to make a mind-map of key themes from An Inspector Calls

Sit your son down and ask him to make a mind map of key themes from whatever topic he is currently studying in history. If he can do that, maybe you have a point.

But the tutor is telling you your son doesn't have the fundamental knowledge required to be able to practice revision techniques.

You need to know the stuff in the first place in order to be able to revise it!

(Oh, and not being ready to start because you can't find the laptop charger is not good. That sort of thing should be sorted the night before if it's a morning session.)

Bitofashock · 08/11/2025 22:03

Your friend’s advice only works because her students have that subject knowledge to start with and revise and build on the knowledge. If you don’t know anything then flash cards (which you really don’t need to pay a tutor to be able to create - use the internet and ChatGPT) will be absolutely pointless. Plus if he can’t write essay answers then how will he manage the exam?

Whentosayitsover · 08/11/2025 22:01

Tutor is not the problem here.
Using a baseline assessment is EXACTLY what a tutor should do! Also, not having the charger and sleeping in are terrible excuses for being late and you should have been on at DS to get his act together.

The tutor sounds completely professional and realistic on the feedback he has provided. You need to listen to him. If your DS lives history why not let him go along to local history societies or other groups where he can do this as a hobby and support your son in gaining qualifications in subjects where he stands a chance of achieving a decent grade.

FunkyBiddyPop · 08/11/2025 22:01

Every sentence of this just made it worse! Poor tutor is being honest (where he well could just keep quiet and take your money). That's not being rude, it's just being honest. He will have worked with potentially 100s of students with varying degrees of skill/knowledge and has observed that your son lacks necessary skills to excel as the learning expectations grow harder.

I'd have an attitude if the pupil was 30 mins late for the first lesson because they slept in, it doesn't really demonstrate a good work ethic going ahead! On top of that, giving the tutor the wrong information about what he's been studying wasted his (and ultimately, your son's) time.

Regardless of whether the tutor "has an attitude" or not, it sounds like he's not a fit for your what your son needs. As others have suggested, look to get a study skills tutor if you feel he needs to improve on his revision skills but it may just be that history isn't for your son as a long term plan.

VickyEadieofThigh · 08/11/2025 22:01

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 21:55

It's interesting because I spoke with my friend this week who's a teacher. She doesn't teach history but still it's good to have her opinion.

She said she completely agrees with me that revision techniques are important, and she gave me an example she did with her own class where she set her year 10's a task where they had to make a mind-map of key themes from An Inspector Calls and then use it to plan an essay. She said even her weaker students improved loads because they could visualise the connections between characters and themes. That's exactly what I've been trying to get this tutor to do! I don't see why it's so hard to integrate something like that into a history topic and then create an essay plan afterwards. I mentioned this in the call I had yesterday with the tutor, and he was fixating on how he is not confident of DS hitting his target grade of a 5 in his mocks in December!

I'm not saying my friend is some sort of education guru, but it does beg the question of whether we're dismissing revision techniques.

I still think there's a bit of a difference between tutoring and just telling someone they're bad at essay writing, and I feel like I'm going round in circles trying to explain this to the tutor.

Schools have been teaching GCSE students revision techniques for decades - quite why you think a private tutor would do this is beyond me.

Your son is so disinterested that he can't even remember the topic they're currlooking at and slept in for his first tutor session - please explain what makes you think he even likes history?

HappyGilmorex · 08/11/2025 22:00

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 21:55

It's interesting because I spoke with my friend this week who's a teacher. She doesn't teach history but still it's good to have her opinion.

She said she completely agrees with me that revision techniques are important, and she gave me an example she did with her own class where she set her year 10's a task where they had to make a mind-map of key themes from An Inspector Calls and then use it to plan an essay. She said even her weaker students improved loads because they could visualise the connections between characters and themes. That's exactly what I've been trying to get this tutor to do! I don't see why it's so hard to integrate something like that into a history topic and then create an essay plan afterwards. I mentioned this in the call I had yesterday with the tutor, and he was fixating on how he is not confident of DS hitting his target grade of a 5 in his mocks in December!

I'm not saying my friend is some sort of education guru, but it does beg the question of whether we're dismissing revision techniques.

I still think there's a bit of a difference between tutoring and just telling someone they're bad at essay writing, and I feel like I'm going round in circles trying to explain this to the tutor.

But it sounds like your tutor's point is that even if he suggested your son make a mind map of key events leading to an important historical event, your son wouldn't be able to do it because he lacks fundamental knowledge, doesn't make notes in class, can't analyse the information and can't assess sources. It's a bigger problem than a mindmap can solve.

Agree with PPs that what you're describing is a study skills tutor - perhaps you should look for one if you really think that's the issue.

What's your son like in his other subjects? Is it just history where there is a blind spot or is he struggling across the board?