Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

759 replies

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 21:22

First time posting on here (long-time lurker). I'm not sure what I'm looking for here tbh, maybe just a hand-hold or just (brutally) honest opinions, but I'm just feeling a bit weird about a Zoom call I had with my DS' history tutor yesterday. I might be overreacting but it's just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Me and DH decided to get DS a tutor for GCSE History. He's in Year 11 and he's had a bit of a shit time with the course. When he was choosing his options in year 9, his history teacher did recommend that he do geography instead because his essay-writing and memory surrounding dates was not good (he did roughly the same in terms of achievement in both history and geography). The thing is he is interested in it, but he just can't remember key dates very well. The thing is he wants to do history at A Level. I feel bad for him because he likes the subject, but he's just not very good at it and obviously that's problematic if he is considering this subject as a potential academic or career pathway.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise. The tutor says that he likes to do a baseline assessment with the students so he can determine their areas they need work on, which again I found a bit overkill because why are you already testing DS when you haven't taught him how to revise yet?? We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

The tutoring has been going on for 2 months, and the tutor scheduled a Zoom call with me to basically tell me that we may want to reconsider choosing History as an A Level option. This really caught me off guard, and it came across as him telling me how to parent my child! He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations, and whilst he is totally happy to support DS with this he can't ignore the fact that if these skills aren't being mastered in Year 11 history then this is going to severely set DS back when he starts Year 12. I ask the tutor about what revision methods he has taught DS, and the tutor said that the subject knowledge is a key area of weakness, and DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good. I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in. But I'd prefer him to prioritise teaching DS how to revise history, and if I'm asking for a particular service surely I should receive it?

So, AIBU to think this tutor has a bit of an attitude and is overstepping the mark a bit? I don’t need him to tell us which subjects DS should or shouldn’t do at sixth form, I just want him to teach DS how to revise properly!

OP posts:
PeopleWatching17 · 08/11/2025 22:39

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 22:08

I do see your point about baseline assessments but I just feel like it could have been done after teaching him some strategies rather than at the very start of the tutoring journey.

As for the charger and being late, yes, I did talk to him about being more organised but the he had been up early the day before to revise.

I appreciate your point about hobbies. That said, I really think the key is that he learns how to revise properly. If he masters that, I genuinely think he can catch up on the subject knowledge.

I have sent the tutor a sample mind-map template my friend uses with her class as I thought it might help him see what I mean. He hasn't replied yet, which again is frustrating.

You’re kidding, surely? You sent the tutor a mind map to show him what to do? I’d cut you and your son free.

ScaryM0nster · 08/11/2025 22:39

Key question for you OP.

Do you want someone to tutor your DS in History? Or do you want someone to tutor them in study skills.

You keep saying history, but then everything you’re saying you’re disappointed in the tutor with is study skills rather than subject specific.

Most tutors tutor the subject, with the aim of filling knowledge and subject technique gaps. That’s what this person is trying to do. You sound like you want your child to be taught revision skills. In which case you may have the wrong tutor.

It would also be totally remiss of a tutor to allow a parent or child to continue under an illusion that Theyre likely to get good results or succeed at A level if all the signs is that they won’t.

DaisyDoodler · 08/11/2025 22:39

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 21:55

It's interesting because I spoke with my friend this week who's a teacher. She doesn't teach history but still it's good to have her opinion.

She said she completely agrees with me that revision techniques are important, and she gave me an example she did with her own class where she set her year 10's a task where they had to make a mind-map of key themes from An Inspector Calls and then use it to plan an essay. She said even her weaker students improved loads because they could visualise the connections between characters and themes. That's exactly what I've been trying to get this tutor to do! I don't see why it's so hard to integrate something like that into a history topic and then create an essay plan afterwards. I mentioned this in the call I had yesterday with the tutor, and he was fixating on how he is not confident of DS hitting his target grade of a 5 in his mocks in December!

I'm not saying my friend is some sort of education guru, but it does beg the question of whether we're dismissing revision techniques.

I still think there's a bit of a difference between tutoring and just telling someone they're bad at essay writing, and I feel like I'm going round in circles trying to explain this to the tutor.

Friends tend to support and agree with what you think/ want to do, and they will add whatever they think will be helpful to that. But ultimately friends support.

I would suggest that the feedback you get from an anonymous online forum is more free and impartial. You may not like what posters are saying but they are giving their honest opinions.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 08/11/2025 22:39

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 22:30

I know what baseline means thank you very much! I was saying that I just didn't agree with it

🤣🤣🤣

NessShaness · 08/11/2025 22:38

Why are you so focused on revision techniques when it’s clear he has huge gaps in his knowledge?

He can’t revise what he doesn’t know! Honestly OP I think you’re at risk of this tutor ending the agreement, sending him examples of techniques is madness.

If your son is struggling with GCSE History, he is not going to be able to cope with A Level history. YOU need to be realistic here and accept what everyone is telling you.

ThatChristmasMug · 08/11/2025 22:38

I am amazed the tutor didn't run a mile from you! That tutor is a saint to prioritise your child, despite you being involved.

I know they're paid for that, but tutors are in high demand, they have more clients than they can take...

The best you can do is butt out. Either you trust the person you employ, or employ someone else, but you don't know better and your points are completely ridiculous.

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 22:38

MumChp · 08/11/2025 22:35

I think the best you can do is to realise that tutoring your child is a waste of time and choose another A-level subject.

tbh we have been thinking about this a lot. DS really wants to do history, but if worse comes to worse then we have got some backup options available. For example, he's quite keen on Economics or Philosophy & Ethics (so I'd appreciate opinions on this)

OP posts:
CryMyEyesViolet · 08/11/2025 22:38

Okay so let’s say you’ve just appointed me to tutor your son. In the first session I say “let’s mind map what you’ve been learning in class this week, and then use that to form an essay on the topic”.

Your son can’t even write the title of the topic in the middle of the mind map, as he thought it was the Cold War but it’s actually something different (?!). Then what is he going to put into the mind map if he doesn’t have any notes from class. Where is the structure of this essay coming from?

Ignoring all of the tutors expertise here, it sounds like you want your son to do a mind map (or flash card or other relevant revision tool) and then for the tutor to critique it and help him do those things better - but your son fundamentally can’t even start the mind map as he doesn’t have any knowledge.

Vocab flashcards, writing out verb endings, reciting the different declensions and reading basic texts are a great way to revise Latin. Are you now equipped to revise your way to a Latin GCSE in a year? Or do you think you might need some more initial knowledge to be able to get there?

Superhansrantowindsor · 08/11/2025 22:37

Right - if you want to help him this is what you do. Find out what exam board he’s doing and then which units his schools is doing. Get on Amazon and get the revision guide for the units he’s doing. The school should be able to suggest the best guide for his paper.
Go through all of the activities and do the practice questions. I can’t stress enough how important the practice questions are.
If he struggles to understand any of the content use bite size to help. When he comes to the end of each topic make flash cards. On one side of the flash card write the big theme eg Battle of the Somme. On the reverse write down key bullet points of info. Once he has this knowledge secure get him to write about the topic in extended paragraphs.
Thats my advice.

MumChp · 08/11/2025 22:35

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 22:28

Honestly, I'm starting to get a bit upset at some of the replies saying this is a wind-up, and I know I asked for brutally honest opinions but it gets to a point where it's just straight-up mean. I'm genuinely trying to do what's best for DS and I feel like some people are completely missing the point. I want to make sure he is getting the right support.

i feel like the focus keeps drifting away from the key issue which is about how DS is revising and whether he's getting real, structured guidance. That's all I care about. It's upsetting to feel like people are questioning my motives rather than the actual problem here.

I think the best you can do is to realise that tutoring your child is a waste of time and choose another A-level subject.

pikkumyy77 · 08/11/2025 22:34

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 22:13

The thing is I can't really get rid of this tutor because my DS has had 3 history tutors because the other 2 let him down

Oh come ON.

Merryoldgoat · 08/11/2025 22:32

This is truly one of the maddest threads in a while.

FlorenceAndTheVagine · 08/11/2025 22:32

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 22:30

I know what baseline means thank you very much! I was saying that I just didn't agree with it

You said it wasn’t fair he’d assessed your son without teaching him any techniques first. So no, you don’t know what baseline means.

Superhansrantowindsor · 08/11/2025 22:31

You can not revise history if you don’t know the content. Your son doesn’t even know what units he’s doing! He thought he was doing was the Cold War but it wasn’t. Imagine if the tutor therefore did a revision task on the arms race, Korea, Vietnam etc and then your son said -actually I’m doing WWI. It would be a complete waste of time.
You need the basic facts first. What happened and when. Then you can start looking at cause and consequence etc.
If your son is in year 11 and doesn’t even know if he’s doing the Cold War or not then A-level is definitely NOT for him.

Whatnowsheila · 08/11/2025 22:31

Mate, if he isn’t on track for a 5 and his best prediction is a 6, should he even be looking at doing A-Levels? Perhaps and apprenticeship might be better.

Also, he can’t revise if he doesn’t have the knowledge, what would he be revising? Mixing up the Cold War with whatever else is a little worrying….

Kettledodger · 08/11/2025 22:30

Your child by year 11 should NOT be needing revision skills they should have already been taught these and if not then why have you waited so long to get help?

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 22:30

FlorenceAndTheVagine · 08/11/2025 22:28

Just tutor him yourself, you know everything. Except what ‘baseline’ means, or how to be believable.

I know what baseline means thank you very much! I was saying that I just didn't agree with it

OP posts:
McSpoot · 08/11/2025 22:28

SiobahnRoy · 08/11/2025 22:26

You’ve employed a tutor for his expertise which you are ignoring. Tutor him yourself since you know best, save yourself some money. Maybe eventually you’ll realise that the school and tutor do actually know what they’re talking about.

Or get you all knowing teacher friend to do so.

FlorenceAndTheVagine · 08/11/2025 22:28

Just tutor him yourself, you know everything. Except what ‘baseline’ means, or how to be believable.

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 22:28

Honestly, I'm starting to get a bit upset at some of the replies saying this is a wind-up, and I know I asked for brutally honest opinions but it gets to a point where it's just straight-up mean. I'm genuinely trying to do what's best for DS and I feel like some people are completely missing the point. I want to make sure he is getting the right support.

i feel like the focus keeps drifting away from the key issue which is about how DS is revising and whether he's getting real, structured guidance. That's all I care about. It's upsetting to feel like people are questioning my motives rather than the actual problem here.

OP posts:
MumChp · 08/11/2025 22:27

ForPearlViper · 08/11/2025 22:24

No-one could be this bonkers but I wouldn't mind it running for a bit for the entertainment. I am imagining the he tutor sharing this in the pub. "And then she sent me details on how to do mind maps..."

Edited

We have teachers in our family. It's actually pretty much 1:1 what they experience from entitled parents.

SiobahnRoy · 08/11/2025 22:26

You’ve employed a tutor for his expertise which you are ignoring. Tutor him yourself since you know best, save yourself some money. Maybe eventually you’ll realise that the school and tutor do actually know what they’re talking about.

Polyestered · 08/11/2025 22:24

Bloody hell, what have I just read? I feel even more sorry for teachers now if this is what they have to put up with.

ForPearlViper · 08/11/2025 22:24

CypressGrove · 08/11/2025 22:19

Yeah this can't be true.

No-one could be this bonkers but I wouldn't mind it running for a bit for the entertainment. I am imagining the he tutor sharing this in the pub. "And then she sent me details on how to do mind maps..."

ForZanyAquaViewer · 08/11/2025 22:24

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 22:13

The thing is I can't really get rid of this tutor because my DS has had 3 history tutors because the other 2 let him down

Is this a windup?! 🤣