AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

I’m a tutor and this all sounds very reasonable. You sound like you’re trying to blame the tutor and tell them how to do their job. A tutor certainly can help give revision and exam techniques, but if your DS’s subject knowledge isn’t good, no amount of revision will help.

I have adhd and so do my kids. I think you should get your son assessed for it

Unfortunately if he hasn’t worked out how to revise by Year11 then a tutor isn’t going to be able to teach that.

As for the charger and being late, yes, I did talk to him about being more organised but the he had been up early the day before to revise.

Being up early the day before is no excuse, will that wash when he's employed?
I still remember the gcse revision timetable I made myself, I started at 7am and finished at 10pm. Every day.

It sounds to me like you're hoping study techniques such as mind maps are what will teach your son the subject?

You can use a mind map as part of your note-taking, eg instead of writing down bullet points you frame them in a mind map, but that won't help when your son won't even in engage.

And he doesn't engage. He doesn't take any notes, can't be bothered to turn up, doesn't pay the slightest bit of attention in class - to the point that he can't even say what the topic is.

That isn't a "bless him" moment.
The history topic won't be changing lesson to lesson, if he has no idea what they are studying for the whole term then he's never paying attention.

Ultimately, your son needs to put in the work, the effort. No one else can do that for him. I'd be really interested to see what his tutorial sessions are like if he's not engaging with the tutor at a basic level.

A study skills tutor might do what you want them to but you son will be taught a framework for learning and will have to apply that himself to a topic. I can't see him managing this if he can't even remember what topic his classes are on.

To be honest, if he can't remember that then I'd be amazed if he passes his history gcse.

I'm left to conclude two things here: either you need to read your son the riot act about his attitude and give him a huge kick up the bum, or (and I mean this both kindly and respectfully) you ask the school if its possible he has undiagnosed learning difficulties.

Nothing the tutor has done sounds at all unreasonable to me. A baseline test is the best way to determine where a student is currently so they know what to focus on and where to pitch the sessions. If your child is struggling to this extent at GCSE then it's good advice to reconsider whether A-level history is a good option for him (it's a hard A-level - there's a huge amount of content, answering the questions requires a lot of writing skills and nuanced thinking and the coursework is not to be underestimated either). It's also really sound advice to make it clear that tutoring isn't a substitute for independent revision.

On the other hand, turning up to the first session so late that there's only 30mins left is incredibly rude.

Have you thought about you showing your ds a mindmap? I'd also suggest you try mapping key dates onto a timeline - when my youngest was revising for GCSE history we printed out key dates on bits of paper and practised putting them in the right order on the carpet. It seems to me those would be easy things for you to help with, leaving the tutor to focus on gaps in content, how to answer questions etc

The fact that your DS (or rather you) has been through 3 tutors and has had issues with all of them suggests to me that the tutors are not the problem.

You’d done quite well in terms of believability up until this point.

I have tutored for years and, I don’t think you realise that you’re doing it, but you were the worst type of parent to work with. You need to be realistic and you need to listen to the tutor.

Tutoring is designed to be supplemental. Too many parents would think that they could book a tutor for an hour a week and then the job of exam prep for that subject was done. Absolutely not. Of course the child must be still be studying in their own time. Think of if a bit like sports. Who would progress more: the gymnast who did 3 hours a week of training with an additional hour working with a coach to refine their technique or the gymnast who had just one hour of perfect coaching a week. You still need to put the hours in.

You need to stop making excuses for your son. It certainly sounds like he has struggles and maybe SEN is a factor (might be worth a dyslexia test if he struggles with executive planning, essay formation, and time keeping). But if he wants to do history A level then he needs to work for it. It’s really poor that he hasn’t taken notes in class. What is he planning to revise from? Do you have the CGP book or equivalent? He should be finding out his curriculum and setting himself catch up time to make notes and actually learn when he needs to for the exam. It would be better to do this now, e.g. 3 hours every Saturday morning, when he has more time and is less stressed than closer to the exam.

You keep talking about revision but to be clear revision is assimilating and refreshing your existing knowledge. If he doesn’t have that knowledge in the first place then there’s no point in revising. It’s a bit like making a cake - if only 50% of the ingredients are present then it won’t turn into a cake, the other basic ingredients (topic knowledge) must be added. It sounds more like you think he needs study skills? He needs help to actually learn things? So in that case a study skills tutor in conjunction with the history tutor. The history tutor will obviously focus on history, and history specific study skills, not global study skills. If anything pings on a SEN assessment (you can pay for a private assessment with an educational psychologist) then you can get tutors specifically designed to help students with say dyslexia, or ADHD, target their areas of weakness and teach them specific skills to help them.

DS did history A level after messing up GCSEs (Covid years) and being unable to take 3 sciences. He likes history and did well enough at GCSE but struggles with essay writing. Like your son, he not know how to take notes (dyspraxia), nor how to revise, and he didn’t learn how to do either of these in sixth form. He did not enjoy the course and no longer reads history for fun. He got an D, for which he had to work unbelievably hard. we also had a tutor for him for much of year 13. .

Essay writing is crucial for History. And for A level, they study one topic in breadth and one in depth. DD (who enjoyed the course because she is naturally a good writer) did the war of the roses in depth and would be set questions about events during 3 specific years. So being able to remember dates is also crucial.

If there are subjects your son would find easier, he should go for one of them.

I feel like some people are completely missing the point. I want to make sure he is getting the right support.
i feel like the focus keeps drifting away from the key issue which is about how DS is revising and whether he's getting real, structured guidance.

I’m not sure that your understanding of the situation is giving you the best insight into it.

First of all, the baseline is the starting point, so it has to be done at the beginning of the tutoring journey, as you put it. It informs the tutor’s planning for that journey.
Secondly, revision is for when you learned the stuff a while ago and need to freshen your knowledge. But it sounds like your son hasn’t learned a lot of what he needs to know at all, so revision is impossible and revision techniques pointless. He needs to learn it.
Thirdly, from what you are saying about his grades and performance, he will struggle with all the essay subjects. It doesn’t sound as if he is motivated to do what needs to be done in the lessons (like make notes) and his skills are ok for GCSE but poor for A level (English predicted grade 6).

I don’t say this to be mean, but I have taught an essay subject at A level to people with grades in the 4-6 range for English, and they have really struggled. It’s a big step up anyway to A level and you do need those basic skills in making an argument, and if at this point in Y11 you don’t even have the facts and awareness to base your argument on, you’re on an uphill journey. I do wonder whether you and your son both expect him to be handed his results on a plate (he doesn’t make notes in history because the teacher isn’t very good!? Really!?)

As he’s not that academic in the humanities, maybe you should start looking at the sciences, maths, or more vocational pathways like T levels? A levels are not for everyone, even if they’re intelligent: they assess a very specific set of academic skills.

But this is all about you and your son. You should not have been late. You should have had the laptop set up and your son set up at least five minutes ahead of the Zoom call. You are making excuses for your lack of organisation. It is not the tutor's fault. From the rest of what you have written, your son is no good at history or else he would be getting a grip by now. It is quite a tough subject and you have to be fairly academic. Brushing off the basics with he is not very good at remembering dates is a big red flag. The tutor is doing his job and being brutally honest with you for which you are paying. Dear me, if I had pupils and parents like you when I was tutoring I would definitely refuse to continue. He is not a servant or a service you can buy for your historically inept son. He is someone who probably has a first degree, if not second, in history and he takes pride in his work. Are you sure your son would not be better of doing a subject he is good at or possibly concentrating on getting good results in English and Maths to give him some sort of a start re A levels or an apprenticeship, if he can get on.

How can the tutor teach him to revise when there is nothing to revise as your child has not absorbed any content?

There is no gain in the tutor behaving this way. Think about it. If he was just after regular sessions and money, he could do exactly as you said and keep your child struggling with A-level history and have a regular income coming in. But he has been clear and open and honest with you both rather than misleading you both and taking your money. I think it’s quite impressive.

It sounds as if the tutor is giving entirely appropriate advice. It also sounds as if your son is simply not suited to studying history. Is your son good at any subjects? It is really odd to want to study a subject at A level when he clearly struggles with that subject.

I have sent the tutor a sample mind-map template my friend uses with her class as I thought it might help him see what I mean. He hasn't replied yet, which again is frustrating.

The tutor knows what a mind map is. The issue is your son will have no information to put on the mind map.if he doesn't have the subject knowledge.

I do see your point about baseline assessments but I just feel like it could have been done after teaching him some strategies rather than at the very start of the tutoring journey.

The baseline assessment enables the tutor to see exactly what your son does and doesn't know. Exactly where the gaps in his learning are. Otherwise, how can he plan what he teaches?

He needs to get a feel for what any student can do himself. I'd be more concerned about a tutor who didn't do a baseline assessment because where would they be planning on even starting?

You should have made sure your son got up early enough for his first tutoring session. That was very rude.
Revision techniques are taught in school, that’s why they have tests all the way through.
The upcoming mocks will give you an idea of his knowledge, anything below a 6 at this stage then forget doing it at A level.
If he doesn’t make notes, what is he revising from? Just the revision guides?

Is your son in the first or second year of A level? (I may have missed this if you have said already.) If the second year, it is worth considering starting a different A level, and doing a 3rd year of A levels. Or even starting A level history again, if he is really set on doing it. If it is his first year, it is not too late to change things; make sure he takes notes, talks to the teacher when he needs extra help etc.
Any tutor worth their salt will do a baseline assessment in their first session. They don't know if they are working with a whizz kid or someone who needs the basics otherwise.

The tutor is giving you the heads-up that they think your son will struggle. Does the school agree?

To ask for revision help is fine, but your son needs to have something under his belt to revise in the first place. If he doesn't know key facts and possible essay arguments, what would he put on a mind map? Or are you asking the tutor to create a mind map for him with those facts and arguments to give your son something to revise in the first place? There is a difference.
It is ok to change your mind re A level subjects. People do it all the time. A tutor will not be a magic fix. It has to be a two-way process between student and tutor. It sounds like your son is out of his depth, to be honest, and that is ok too. It can be sorted by Plan B!

I haven’t read all the replies so apologies if this has been said already.
I understand that you value revision, it is a key tool in allowing children to show the best of what they can do in exams. However as the tutor has said, if the knowledge isn’t there, you need to learn it before you can revise it.
To compare it to the example your friend gave about the mind map for English. Say he was writing about the Roman invasions of England (primary history) and he began to mind map about the different attempts, the emperors, dates etc but found he knew there were 3 could only remember 2 names, one of the dates etc. Before he can write an essay of decent quality he needs to know these facts to then do anything with them.

Perhaps he is struggling with retention, in which case regular revision on material quickly after the point of learning and repeatedly may support him. Could you try asking him about what he learned straight after the session and you make notes on it while it is fresh in his head, modelling how to make flashcards and notes. Then ask him again in the morning about it and again at least once before his next tutor session?
I teach primary so don’t know much about the skills needed by GCSE though. But you can help him with this aspect while the tutor teaches him the knowledge and then once he is building that can teach him what to do with it. Apologies for the essay!!

And you can’t revise stuff if you know nothing about it. Your son sounds like he’s actually quite lazy- not concentrating in class or taking notes.
You’ve gone through 2 tutors already who aren’t right for your clearly ‘perfect’ boy.
How about looking at the common denominator in this situation and stop blaming everyone else??
I do wonder how people like yourself never look inwards and contemplate whether this might actually be a ‘you’ problem. It’s like people who fall out with everyone and never consider if the problem might actually be them and not other people.

But any history grad will know one of the first things you learn at uni is that to be a good historian, you don’t need to memorise dates. It goes much deeper than the dates and precise facts. It’s core and critical analysis, close to English in that sense.

I started off as dual honours English Lit and History but didn’t enjoy the History side as much because the writing style was different, they were more pedantic with backing up every single point you made with evidence. In English I could just write a really banging piece filled with my own critical analysis which I enjoyed greatly. The two subjects are still interlinked e.g I lecture in American Lit so I’m always linking back to colonialism, civil rights, Jim Crow etc. I need to know a few core dates but I don’t expect and would not want my students to reel off dates in an essay. It isn’t enough at that level.

Anyway beside the by, OP’s DS needs to rethink his A Level subjects unless he’s willing to put in hard graft to practise essay writing.

Good god. School have advised it isn’t the right subject for him at A level, your son struggles (which you admit) and now the tutor has advised against it and you get in a strop about it?
You are NOT helping your son. I was a teacher and my good friend teaches History at A-level. It’s an essay-heavy, difficult subject if someone is struggling at GCSE level. Do you want him to fail miserably? That’s where you are headed.

Your son isn’t right for it. You need to have that conversation with him.
The entitlement from you is actually mind blowing.

YAB(hugely)U @SoCloseToNothing1981

We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions

So many things wrong with this paragraph in the absence of SEN. None of this is acceptable even in a younger child.
And “ bless him”?!! No wonder he is struggling. How can he not remember the topic he studied the previous week? Stop enabling him.

I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise

Your son needs to know the subject material in order to revise. He can’t write mind maps and flash cards with blank information. He really should have be told by you/your DH that he is in charge of his own learning - if he doesn’t understand a topic, look it up, there are huge amount of resources out there. He can’t be passive in his education especially once he gets to A level.
Are A levels suitable for him? Such a big jump from GCSEs.

Harsh words warning but it’s not the tutor that has the attitude, it’s you & your DH for enabling your son to be disorganised, not taking ownership of his learning & disrespectful of his teacher’s & tutor’s time.

In the kindest way possible, you need to listen to the tutor here. He’s reached year 11, getting close to the mock exams next month and he’s still struggling to retain basic information but more importantly, to structure and write essays.

He needs to practise the essay writing more than revise the topics imo. It obviously isn’t just history, it’s definitely English and possibly some of this other choice subjects (I know my DS writes a lot in photography for example).

Enjoying a subject isn’t enough to study it at a higher level. He needs to work on his writing and comprehension skills.

The arrogance, the entitlement, the demands, the insistence on being right, the enabling of what sounds like a lazy, passive, unmotivated student...as someone who used to tutor id run a fucking mile. If you do insist on banging a very worn drum, I would:

• start respecting your tutors expertise, advice and judgment (especially as you so clearly know nothing about tutoring)
• work on your manners
• show some humility
• start expecting (a lot) more from your son
• teach your son some manners
• stop blaming the world around you for not bending to your demands and turn the spotlight on yourself. There's a very loud, obvious, common denominator here
• be aware that if you keep disregarding professionals, the result will not be good
• start listening to other people, namely the 98% who think you are being entirely unreasonable know that your name will be known in circles now as being that* type of parent and child
• grow the fuck up. I genuinely cannot believe some people navigate the world with this attitude. Fascinating.

Hth.

Definitely do not take history at A Level! If he needs tutoring at GCSE, he will not cope with A Level.

Stop messing the tutor about when it comes to lesson times. It’s really rude! I’m not surprised that he’s been a bit off with you.

It can be hard to get the balance right between supporting your kids and letting them get on with things to build up their own resilience and independence, but my guess is that you are possibly doing too much for your DS at this age and stage. You are just a mum trying to do her best, but you have had some good advice on this thread, even if it has been blunt at times.

Do you have someone IRL who you trust to be honest with you?

How can the tutor teach your son how to revise when DS has not learnt the content of the course work? You should be asking DS to take down notes from his lessons so that he has something to revise.
You should learn, yourself, what the topic and content is each week. Have DS tell you and show you his notes. Encourage your DS to reread texts and rewrite out key points from his notes.
Your DS has to motivate himself to do things better.

You can do that and also ask his teacher what it is that DS needs to know.

The tutor doesn't seem unreasonable at all.
You should expect that DS is not suited to History; you have been told that already.
Does your DS also need to have intense lessons in how to construct sentences and write in precise English?