AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

Op I’m so sorry to hear your dc is struggling with history GCSE. Stepping back from the tutoring issue, what is he good at and what does he enjoy? It sounds like getting him to do history A level would likely be setting him up to fail.

Is there any non-essay based subject he’s better at? Or is he good at essay based subjects which don’t involve this type of factual recall?

You are the one who has an attitude @SoCloseToNothing1981. You have said your son was late again in half term. Tutors have timetables, they are not just hanging around for your child. I expect it won’t be a problem much longer if this tutor has any sense.

You can't revise something you have no knowledge of, that's not what revision is. Revision is compounding, reinforcing, developing the knowledge you have from class and or prior study. Your example from your friend worked because the pupils knew the book but struggled with connections and analysis. Your son doesn't know the basics. The tutor is telling you this - that he has huge knowledge gaps, you can't revise what you don't already know, that's just learning not revision!

You don't understand and your son doesn't seem to care, late for the first session after a lie in, not bothering to take notes in class, you then pushing back an hour because you underestimated when you were able to get back to the hotel, charisma questioning his skills and expertise from a position where you don't seem to really understand the learning process. I'm very surprised the tutor hasn't fired you already.

I was a straight A student and did A level history, it's not for the faint hearted. I would say with a 6 in English he should focus away from essay based subjects.

I haven't read the replies and I don't want to sound harsh (I have two boys myself of differing abilities) but his History teacher advised him to pick Geography and now his tutor is advising him to rethink it as an A-Level. He's not judging your parenting, he's trying to manage yours and your son's expectations based on his professional experience as a History teacher. The thing is, it may not even be your son's choice. If he does not get the grades then he will not be able to do History at A-Level. My DH's nephew wanted to do History but he got a 4 in his GCSE so he couldn't. It was all pretty embarrassing as my MIL had been banging on about him taking after her as she has a "Master's in History" (she has a BA in History and a PGCE, and thinks we all have short memories), and she had been tutoring him.

I didn't take History at A-Level but the subjects I did take really cranked up at A-Level. I could be wrong, but it sounds like the tutor is trying to teach him about History but you want him to teach him to remember the key facts by rote to pass his exams. Which is not a good foundation for A-Levels. How will your son feel then?

I don't know what you're expecting, but the fact is that not every subject is suitable for every student. Your DS mixed the Cold War up with what?? Sorry but that's a pretty big mix up. And no, a tutor isn't just there to help him to learn how to revise.

Did I also read it right that he missed half of his session because he didn't get out of bed? If he was mine there's no way I'd be paying for a tutor if he couldn't even be arsed attending the sessions. It's not even like he has to go anywhere!

Hello
It sounds like your son isn’t sure how to revise/make mind maps / flashcards etc.

At this point before mocks I would buy him the appropriate set of History flashcards (don’t bother with making them) and give him a quick quiz in the topic he is studying at the moment eg Cold War. Every one he gets correct put on one side of you in an pile, every one he gets wrong put on the other side of you in a pile. Then his job is to start memorising the facts on the cards he got incorrect. This way he will get the facts into his head. Keep testing him (or get him to test himself and move cards to the correct pile as he memorises more) Don’t forget to keep going over ALL the cards weekly to “keep the facts in his memory” Hope that helps a bit.

Do this with all of the areas he is studying for the mocks eg medicine, WW1 etc

Keep the tutor as they do sound really good but perhaps don’t have great social skills if they are talking to you in a rude way? Try to look past this and think that your son is getting extra help.

For A level it’s best to choose the subjects you find easy at gcse as the step up is huge.
Goodluck!

The "key issue" is actually that you cannot "revise" something you have never known. Revision techniques are no use to your son if he never knew the history facts in the first place.

You don’t seem to be understanding that, despite the number of people who have told you. The value of mind maps is that they help remind a student of all the different aspects of a topic. But suppose your son used a mind map and it reminded him he needed to mention a particular aspect of a topic - if he doesn’t know the facts he needs to mention, that’s not going to do him any good, is it?

When you are on your third tutor and 99% of the respondents here are telling you YABU, I really think you need to start questioning whether your approach is mistaken and your confidence that you are right is misplaced.

He shouldn't go near chatgpt. He needs to learn how to engage and think for himself, chatgpt will reinforce the opposite

I have tutored in the past and the likes of OP and her ds are exactly the reason why it wasn't worth it. Children (boys in particular) who aren't prepared to do work and parents who think one hour tutoring a week will get them an A*. When you try to be realistic about the child the parent takes it very personally and assumes you have some sort of personal vendetta.

I think this is a serious problem. The essay is the medium through which history is done - a structured and reasoned argument using evidence and sources. It’s not an easy technique to master but if your son is really keen I’d suggest you get him to watch history documentaries on TV (or on YouTube because they are pretty dumbed down nowadays). These documentaries have an essay structure and they will also help him to remember events and dates etc - with all he accompanying visuals.

He will struggle unless he has a genuine interest in the subject (which doesn’t tally with not being able to retain information) and get to grips with arguing a point effectively. Maybe also get him to argue historical points orally with you?

As a side note @SoCloseToNothing1981 you don't need a tutor to teach your son to do quizzes etc. Chatgpt will do that for him in a second.

I assume the South Africa timing fuck-up was a different session to the initial late one because your son overslept and couldn't find his charger. If you've only been with this tutor for 2 months and I'd guess are doing one session per week that's a one-quarter strike rate of you messing his timing around. (Contrary to what some parents think, tutors are not in fact at your beck and call to work around your last-minute timing mishaps.)

And you're patronisingly sending him mind-map examples on top of this?! My jaw dropped at that one.

You're wasting precious time by fighting against what the tutor is advising @SoCloseToNothing1981 . Things are not going to work the way that you think they should, you need to drop that idea and help your DS (and the tutor) with the reality.

I think you are being a bit of a nightmare customer for the poor tutor.

That's not what begging the question means.

How can your son revise what he never knew/understood? That's not what revising is.

I try not to be a judgey fuck about people's parenting on here but you sound so entitled, and you're letting your son get that way too. He doesn't take notes because the teacher isn't good? That's still the primary resource he has, he needs to take notes whether the teacher is good or not - and how would he know anyway when he is not strong in the subject himself?

I have sent the tutor a sample mind-map template my friend uses with her class as I thought it might help him see what I mean. He hasn't replied yet, which again is frustrating.

Oh god this can't be real. That poor man. Reverse? Surely?
If not, then you need to realise that your friend who is a teacher and agrees with you that revision techniques are important, is NOT agreeing with you that the mind map will help them clearly visualise and connect concepts and information that they HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO LEARN AND UNDERSTAND YET.

Also, stop calling it revision, and if you want someone who is able to teach your kid study skills ask for that.

DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good.

I beg your pardon? He doesn't seem interested in history at all (as you claimed) or he would be taking notes regardless of his opinion on the teacher. He should not do history A-levels due to the fact that he's not good at it AND he's not interested enough to try to compensate for his lack of ability. The fact that he erronously thought they were studying the cold war just proves that he's not paying attention at all.

There are tutors who teach how to revise in general if this is what you want. Subject tutors do their subjects.

My DS year 8 who is a fairly good student is struggling with history as well. His teacher is not terrific this year and even though I make up for this at home with flash cards and talking it through with him there is no way I can compensate for his lack of ability and lack of interest to the point that he will be a good student in this subject. He's aiming for average which will take lots of effort already. I go through with him how to analyse a document and make a coherent response/text which I think is all your tutor can do at this stage.

For your DS (and mine) they will be better off picking a subject they like AND that they are good at. (Maths/Physics/French/Italian for mine).

You are setting your son up for failure @SoCloseToNothing1981 and a tutor is not your remedy. He can't help your son with more than revising so don't blame him.

I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in. But I'd prefer him to prioritise teaching DS how to revise history, and if I'm asking for a particular service surely I should receive it?

I don't know where to start with how wrong this approach is to learning in a subject like history. What's your academic background @SoCloseToNothing1981 ?

It sounds as though your DS is pretty lazy - not taking notes in class? He has nothing to revise, if he hasn't bothered to learn it in the first place.

Your attitude is a bit like someone buying a gym membership, never actually going to the gym, then whining about being fat & unfit.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise

It was a mistake to continue believing that you were both on the same page. Tutoring must complement revision because otherwise you're relying on the odd hour or two a week with a tutor to teach your son everything he needs for the exam - thats not enough for gcse. Your son needs to be putting in the work outside if the sessions too.

Can I ask why you didn't approach his teachers for extra help with revision techniques? They'd be best placed to help him with those.

OP you clearly want the best for your son, want to support him to undertake a subject that he is interested in and are prepared to do everything in your power (tutoring) to enable him to achieve to the best of his abilities. However, I think you are missing the point of what his teachers and the tutor are saying. In history the ability to interpret, analyse and form opinions based on the evidence presented to you, then convey that in your writing is a key component of the syllabus. Simply bring able to regurgitate the information, dates, times, facts is not enough. While him gaining a better understanding of the subject knowledge and retaining that is important it is equally important to be able
to present his analysis in writing. Why don’t you trust the tutors methodology and support him to develop revision strategies separately to the history tutoring either though your friend, the school or separate tutoring which specialises in revision strategies.

The tutor isn't there to just grab a coffee while you get your son up!! The entitlement of that is unbelievable, get the child out of bed and ready for his session, the tutor probably has others booked in,he can't sit waiting for you.
The lap top should have been charged and ready to go night before.
Your attitude to the tutor says you can't be arsed, what a way to start.
I'd of said a patronising comment too!
I think to be brutally honest you child isn't as bright as you think, not everyone can remember things like dates etc.

The other thing to remember (I'm not wading into the is-he-good enough / interested / pushy parent part of the debate) is that good GCSE tutors are 1) Like needles in a haystack and 2) Inundated with offers of work.

So if your tutor is offering advice, it is probably genuinely well meaning.

The other thing of course is that since you have an idea as to the revision techniques you'd like your son to undertake, why don't you sit with him and help him make the resources you think would help him?

YABU.

You don't trust this tutor, but it's clear from everything you write that you are pretty ignorant about the whole process, and resistant to sound professional help.

I don't get the mindset of paying for professional help, but every point you write in your OP saying "I don't agree". And your son was 30 minutes late for the first meeting, and gave the tutor completely misleading information. Rude & disorganised.

I'd have sacked you at that point. Life's too short to work with a lazy child and a parent who cannot see that she's wrong.

Nothing the tutor has done is out of order. The "attitude" is yours - you sound like a nightmare parent.

Watch some YouTube videos on mind maps - that's a general skill that your ds can use across the board in all his subject. Use the history tutor to do what he is specialist at - filling those gaps in your son's knowledge (he can't revise knowledge he doesn't have)

I’m curious what your level of education is - as surely you understand that you can’t “revise” something you don’t already understand in the first place?? History is a full on subject at A-Level as covers a lot of information in different time periods. If he’s struggling with GCSE he isn’t going to be able to do the A-Level.

I think the tutor sounds great - he’s doing himself out of money if your son stops tutoring with him as he pulls out of history GCSE. He sounds very professional. You seem pretty defensive about the whole thing.

Doesn’t sound like you want to listen to any of the good advice given here. You may or may not be reading the post anymore, or you’re a troll. But anyway my two cents as an ex teacher and tutor:

1. baseline assessment is essential, or at least a look at recent mock exams. You can’t help someone if you don’t know what they don’t know
2. tutoring is pointless if the student isn’t engaging with the teacher too, tutoring can’t make up for not trying in lessons.
3. knowledge first then revision techniques second. You can’t revise what you haven’t originally learnt.
4. If a tutor has rung you to tell you that your son shouldn’t take a level history then listen to them! They’re potentially doing themselves out of a job, so they must really mean it and are just trying to do right by your son.
5. Be on time for tutoring lessons. It’s just good manners!