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Original poster

AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

759 replies

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 21:22

First time posting on here (long-time lurker). I'm not sure what I'm looking for here tbh, maybe just a hand-hold or just (brutally) honest opinions, but I'm just feeling a bit weird about a Zoom call I had with my DS' history tutor yesterday. I might be overreacting but it's just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Me and DH decided to get DS a tutor for GCSE History. He's in Year 11 and he's had a bit of a shit time with the course. When he was choosing his options in year 9, his history teacher did recommend that he do geography instead because his essay-writing and memory surrounding dates was not good (he did roughly the same in terms of achievement in both history and geography). The thing is he is interested in it, but he just can't remember key dates very well. The thing is he wants to do history at A Level. I feel bad for him because he likes the subject, but he's just not very good at it and obviously that's problematic if he is considering this subject as a potential academic or career pathway.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise. The tutor says that he likes to do a baseline assessment with the students so he can determine their areas they need work on, which again I found a bit overkill because why are you already testing DS when you haven't taught him how to revise yet?? We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

The tutoring has been going on for 2 months, and the tutor scheduled a Zoom call with me to basically tell me that we may want to reconsider choosing History as an A Level option. This really caught me off guard, and it came across as him telling me how to parent my child! He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations, and whilst he is totally happy to support DS with this he can't ignore the fact that if these skills aren't being mastered in Year 11 history then this is going to severely set DS back when he starts Year 12. I ask the tutor about what revision methods he has taught DS, and the tutor said that the subject knowledge is a key area of weakness, and DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good. I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in. But I'd prefer him to prioritise teaching DS how to revise history, and if I'm asking for a particular service surely I should receive it?

So, AIBU to think this tutor has a bit of an attitude and is overstepping the mark a bit? I don’t need him to tell us which subjects DS should or shouldn’t do at sixth form, I just want him to teach DS how to revise properly!

OP posts:
Laura95167 · 09/11/2025 13:49

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 09/11/2025 13:32

I just had the zoom call with the tutor and honestly I think I could cry.
he has said that the knowledge gaps are severe. DS has got no notes at all from the beginning of the year, and all his mock results he has got 2s and 3s (I didn’t know this in fairness), and he also doesn’t know where to start with sources. The tutor has said he is willing to give us 3 hours a week of tuition, but this will require our full commitment. The thing is, DS also plays cricket after school about 2 times a week so will be difficult to fit in a session. The tutor said “take it or leave it” which is rude tbh. I said that DS needs some downtime and the tutor proper started shouting at us saying that “DS isn’t doing himself any favours blaming others”. The tutor is also a uni student and said that he has done A Level History himself and the jump from GCSE is huge. I’m shaken up and just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

OP.

I think the truth here is you spoil and fuss DS alot. And in a way its lovely, hes clearly very lucky. But you not only need to give him security you need to teach him independence and accountability.

DS may be saying he loves history because he thinks you want to hear that? But to be clear hes not taking any notes; despite yr 10 and Yr 11 being told to do that, despite loving the subject, despite knowing hes behind in it...

Since hes been tutored (by 3 different people) hes made no changes to his approach to the subject. Hes not even taking notes now.

Tutor isnt rude, hes managing your expectations that if this has any chance it needs prioritising. That less wont make a difference. And if you and DS would rather prioritise cricket, and downtime then accept he will probably get a 3 in history or you can try a 4th tutor.

But tutor is right, A level prepares you for high school. Its less spoon feeding. It requires diligence, note taking and planning off your own back. And DS isnt doing when hes being instructed when and how too.

It sounds like this is more important to you than DS. Tutor is right, he cant learn this for DS. And you need to stop facilitating DSs excuses

barbrash · 09/11/2025 13:48

My daughter did some GCSE tutoring while she was at uni too. She spent a lot of time preparing and marking etc and gave it up because it was too much work. Some uni tutors are very good. Her students wanted her to continue but she just couldn't make it work as her degree was very intense too.

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 09/11/2025 13:47

I'm surprised you didn't know his mock results, but if they are grades 2 and 3 (what are his other subjects like?) then getting that to a grade 4 is a priority. Put thoughts of A level to one side. If his other subjects are also at that level, it may be that he needs to focus on maths/Eng/science instead.

This.

If it's just History much less an issue - ideally get it to a 4 - but as long as 5 others at decent grades includjing maths and English lots of options.

I'd really check how other subjects are going TBH as it could be a more general attitude issue - though hopefully just this one subject he was TBF warned off from doing at GCSE.

MrsHamlet · 09/11/2025 13:46

Several problems here, one of which is you're paying a student rather than a teacher.

The other significant one is that your child doesn't care enough.

You are wasting your money.

Icepop79 · 09/11/2025 13:46

How did you not know your son’s mock results? Your priority needs to be contacting the school urgently to check your son’s progress in all his courses, because if you are so blissfullly unaware of how badly he’s doing in his favourite subject, then you might be in for a rude awakening with the ones he doesn’t like so much.

Original poster
SoCloseToNothing1981 · 09/11/2025 13:46

Saharafordessert · 09/11/2025 13:43

What exactly does your son want to do, OP?
Stop making decisions for him and give him some responsibility in all this. History clearly isn’t working out….. you’ve been through 3 tutors, missed or been late for sessions and disregarded the advice you’ve been given. It seems like you’re forcing something that just isn’t going to happen.
(Your tutor deserves a medal to be honest!)

He’s not quite sure tbh, which is why I want him to do a subject like history which has a lot of interdisciplinary skills because it sets him in good stead on a CV

OP posts:
Denim4ever · 09/11/2025 13:45

There are 2 main things to address here. Firstly, the assertion that History may not be a great choice at A Level for him is reasonable. It's a lot of work as an A Level, our DS did well in it but it totally put him off History as a subject of study.

Secondly, if revision skills is what you and he want the tutor to focus on primarily then that's what their main focus should be. You are paying. However, that doesn't mean that getting an overview with an assessment etc. isn't needed.

As regards no notes, do they not have a booklet (online or actual) they are working through? If they are meant to be making notes, does teacher at school have no input or overview as would be norm?

barbrash · 09/11/2025 13:45

I'm sorry you've had such a shock. It seems that your son was drowning and so keeping his results from you. The tutor is probably frustrated. You're not even prioritising the boy's GCSEs at this stage, the bloody cricket can wait. Just drop the idea of taking it at A Level, ask him to buckle down and learn the content. I don't think a tutor will make any difference to be honest. Your son just isn't interested in putting in the work. He needs to lock in.

herbaltincture · 09/11/2025 13:44

I'm wondering if he watched Game of Thrones and, as a result, thinks he likes history...

He likes history so much, he has no notes at all from the start of the year onwards. (That is of course his teacher's fault, for not being good enough!)

missmollygreen · 09/11/2025 13:43

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 08/11/2025 21:44

I see all your points and I'm not going to deny that there is an issue regarding his knowledge. I think I was just not expecting the tone the tutor spoke to me in.

The first lesson where DS was late, it was mainly down to the fact that we couldn't find the laptop charger (and DS sleeping in meant we had minimised time to find said charger). I did message the tutor that we were going to be late if he wanted to grab himself a coffee or something. DS did toy with the idea of skipping the lesson altogether, but I said "no, we will still be charged" so he logged on and the tutor let out a sigh and said "right, let's get started". Just found it a bit unnecessary.

i hope the tutor is charging you enough to make all this BS worth his while.

Saharafordessert · 09/11/2025 13:43

What exactly does your son want to do, OP?
Stop making decisions for him and give him some responsibility in all this. History clearly isn’t working out….. you’ve been through 3 tutors, missed or been late for sessions and disregarded the advice you’ve been given. It seems like you’re forcing something that just isn’t going to happen.
(Your tutor deserves a medal to be honest!)

ForPearlViper · 09/11/2025 13:43

I cannot be the only person who is utterly baffled about this obsession with history. Does OP come from a long line of historians? It's one GCSE. Cut your losses and put the extra focus on the other exams where, I suspect help might also be needed.

AlertCat · 09/11/2025 13:42

I don’t usually cite the American system as a good model, but they do require their sports teams to maintain a minimum grade average. It sounds to me as if your DS has been farting about at school for some time (quite possibly in his other subjects as well as history) and cricket should be off the table until he sorts the academic side out. with this update any discussion about post-16 is pointless, as he’s going to be looking at resits rather than A levels.

It’s bound to be a shock @SoCloseToNothing1981 but maybe this can be the moment your DS wakes up, pulls his finger out, and realised that exams need his effort and input if he wants results he can be proud of.

clary · 09/11/2025 13:41

OK so the tutor is a uni student, not any kind of qualified teacher? I guess if they are young their EI is not fully developed, hence comments like "take it or leave it".

It sounds as tho the tutor knows a fair bit about what is needed so even tho they are not a teacher, it doesn't mean they won't be a helpful tutor. My DD did a bit of tutoring after she did very well in the first exams on the new English spec.

Do you feel that your DS has any decent rapport with the tutor? bc that is important as well.

I'm surprised you didn't know his mock results, but if they are grades 2 and 3 (what are his other subjects like?) then getting that to a grade 4 is a priority. Put thoughts of A level to one side. If his other subjects are also at that level, it may be that he needs to focus on maths/Eng/science instead.

Steeleydan · 09/11/2025 13:41

notquiteruralbliss · 09/11/2025 13:34

So the tutor isn't an actual tutor just an 18 to 21yo doing some tutoring while at Uni?

What's wrong with that? He's obvs alot more switched on than this mother and her son!
Good on him to earn some extra ££ to get him through university.

AlphaApple · 09/11/2025 13:40

Failing history gcse is really not that big a deal OP.

Stop making this about the tutor’s manners.

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 09/11/2025 13:39

Righ well I think if nothing changes he's looking at 2 and 3 next June in Histroy at least.

If you get him to stop arsing about you may be able to get that up to 4+ - so cricket and downtime excuses have to go. There are two way it goes when you start to struggle - you disengaged and do badly - or you ask for help knuckle down and work your arse off for results others find easy. It's possible with enough support you can get him into second categrory but it will be hard and if he doesn't comply you are stuck.

If tutor a uni student they are likely still saying what other tutors would be but much more bluntly - being less experienced with life and parents and delivering bad news. I think he done you a massive favour being so blunt TBH.

Also I'd check in with other subjects - as this may not be the one off you clearly hope. If he can't get results good enough for A-level course look now at other options - and get him to college open days and think. There are alternative routes into most things but now time to make it clear to him and start looking.

Calliopespa · 09/11/2025 13:39

Steeleydan · 09/11/2025 13:37

I think the tutor has been more that patient with you and your lazy over indulged child, he's told you the truth and you don't like it basically!! I wouldn't even bother my time with you if I were you!
By your own admission you've had 3 tutors! I think the common denominators here is you think your son is cleverer than he is and your son is just lazy and not very clever!!

Show quote history

Oh how some people relish the opportunity to punch from anonymity with unvarnished responses.

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 09/11/2025 13:39

Not everyone is academic. Some people end up.getting medicre grades and making cricket ( for example) their career.

As you seem.to blame everyone else except your son for him not being good at history it's hardly surprising he does the same! I feel for this tutor who is clearly tying his best with both of you.

Steeleydan · 09/11/2025 13:37

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 09/11/2025 13:32

I just had the zoom call with the tutor and honestly I think I could cry.
he has said that the knowledge gaps are severe. DS has got no notes at all from the beginning of the year, and all his mock results he has got 2s and 3s (I didn’t know this in fairness), and he also doesn’t know where to start with sources. The tutor has said he is willing to give us 3 hours a week of tuition, but this will require our full commitment. The thing is, DS also plays cricket after school about 2 times a week so will be difficult to fit in a session. The tutor said “take it or leave it” which is rude tbh. I said that DS needs some downtime and the tutor proper started shouting at us saying that “DS isn’t doing himself any favours blaming others”. The tutor is also a uni student and said that he has done A Level History himself and the jump from GCSE is huge. I’m shaken up and just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

I think the tutor has been more that patient with you and your lazy over indulged child, he's told you the truth and you don't like it basically!! I wouldn't even bother my time with you if I were you!
By your own admission you've had 3 tutors! I think the common denominators here is you think your son is cleverer than he is and your son is just lazy and not very clever!!

justasking111 · 09/11/2025 13:35

He's going to fail history with or without the cricket. Make your peace with that @SoCloseToNothing1981

herbaltincture · 09/11/2025 13:35

SoCloseToNothing1981 · 09/11/2025 13:32

I just had the zoom call with the tutor and honestly I think I could cry.
he has said that the knowledge gaps are severe. DS has got no notes at all from the beginning of the year, and all his mock results he has got 2s and 3s (I didn’t know this in fairness), and he also doesn’t know where to start with sources. The tutor has said he is willing to give us 3 hours a week of tuition, but this will require our full commitment. The thing is, DS also plays cricket after school about 2 times a week so will be difficult to fit in a session. The tutor said “take it or leave it” which is rude tbh. I said that DS needs some downtime and the tutor proper started shouting at us saying that “DS isn’t doing himself any favours blaming others”. The tutor is also a uni student and said that he has done A Level History himself and the jump from GCSE is huge. I’m shaken up and just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

I'm sorry you're so upset, but the tutor is only serving up the facts. Blind Freddy could see your son is lazy and disinterested. You can't turn him into a history buff by force of will.

The thing is, DS also plays cricket after school about 2 times a week so will be difficult to fit in a session. The tutor said “take it or leave it” which is rude tbh.

I am surprised he has agreed to continue on, in this impossible situation, with both of you blaming everyone and making excuses rather than facing the obvious fact your son has little to no interest in history, or study, and is wasting the tutor's time with this pretence.

WLnamechange · 09/11/2025 13:34

He's going to have to drop the cricket then isn't he for a while.

harriethoyle · 09/11/2025 13:34

Why didn’t you know your own son’s mock results?

I really think that you are concentrating your firepower on the wrong thing here. Don’t shoot the tutor messenger…

notquiteruralbliss · 09/11/2025 13:34

So the tutor isn't an actual tutor just an 18 to 21yo doing some tutoring while at Uni?

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