AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

I though she meant tests/exams in history rather than all subject got 2/3 in mocks.

If all the subject mocks were 2/3 the advice would be to focus on maths/english language GCSE and 3 best other subects get to a 4 preferable 5 and look at alternatives to A-levels.

I think it's just history - though she'd be very wise to check directly with school staff with rest of the subject lack of effort in Y11 boys isn't a unknown problem - and it seems his Y9 history teacher thought it a bad choice from off.

Usually, I think parents tend to not get involved enough in their children education, for instance with advice and guidance when it comes to choosing A levels or uni degree.

You're the first parent I would advise to stay away from their child's studies! Please stop, and let him be guided by his teachers, tutors and his dad. You are not helping him here.

A clearer picture is emerging!

From the outset of this thread it has been clear that your son isn't interested in history himself - he has shown no motivation or even a vague inclination.

You want him to do history because you think it will look good on his CV. Drop that notion now, because a fail in history will look much worse than a pass in a subject you think is less academic. From what the tutor has said he's unlikely to even pass GCSE history; there is no chance he could get an A-level.

Let your son do subjects he's interested and has a vague competency in. If you keep up with the tutor in hopes of getting a pass at GCSE, listen to what he says and follow his lead.

Abandon the idea that because your non- teaching job happens to be in a school you know better than the tutor what is required for you son to pass.

Well ... I dunno: I might find it entertaining - BUT I'm sure OP doesn't want to!

@SoCloseToNothing1981 What good is a failed subject going to be on his cv? It doesn't matter who you get to tutor him he's unlikely to pass.

The pushing for learning how to revise is irrelevant because your son has not learnt anything to revise.

I doubt she even realises 2's and 3's are D's & E's.

And she thinks he's still doing History A levels?!!

The delusion here is staggering.

Hi, OP -

Academic here. I did tutoring as an undergraduate though in STEM subjects and not in the UK. I enjoyed it and could be selective. I am not sure whether I would think it was good for your DS to continue either the subject, for his sake, or the tutoring, for mine.

It is a difficult situation all around. IMO there are pros and cons (aside from the financial advantages) to working with undergraduate tutors. Plusses include that a YP is close to the A level material, can in theory empathise, can often relate to the tutee’s life, etc.
Against this, a tutor who found the material interesting and/or easy, and who has a strong work ethic, may fail to appreciate that many differ on one or all counts. That is a recipe for disaster.

Whatever your DS may say, his actions are telling you that he has some real problems with History. To run through various possibilities, are essay subjects in general a weakness? Could dyslexia/ADHD or a similar issue be a factor? If so DS will need to decide whether the extra effort is worth it, even with the mitigations he would be entitled to. Even if he loves History there may be other subjects more compatible with the workings of his brain. I have a PhD in one of those subjects that many people find intimidating, but as much as I love Art and Music sadly I cannot draw or sing for shit. That’s life.

Also I wonder how you can be sure that DS’ interest in History is genuine? Could History be a family tradition, could he think it desirable for his career prospects, could he be romantically interested in someone who has expressed an interest in A level History, or in the teacher? I wouldn’t expect him to share all those motivations with you.

The facts that DS has no lecture notes, overslept a meeting, messed up a meeting time while you were away, had the problem with his charger suggest either a clinical condition or that he’s telling you something the only way he can.

Maybe the tutor’s comment ‘take it or leave it’ was not the most tactful, but that is the least of your problems.

I would suggest DS and the tutor work until Xmas, but only if they both see the possibility that this could be productive. Then they should mutually reassess. Given DS’ weaknesses, he needs to feel comfortable with his tutor and confident that he has an ally. But no good tutor will want to waste their time with the behaviours you have described.

Best wishes

The tutor is a saint putting up with all of this. Your son can't revise topics that he is yet to learn/understand, so I'm not sure why you're fixating on revision techniques. If you're not prepared to put the time into filling his gaps in knowledge with the tuition sessions because his sports are more important then what do you expect the tutor to do? Im baffled by your mindset on this. There's no magic wand that the tutor can wave - your son has to actually knuckle down and do the work.

Oh please--OP kept digging her grave with every new post she made! (And this, incidentally, is my varnished response; you don't want to read my unvarnished one!)

I've got a friend who does surgery on infants. I do not think I know a lot about that.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise. The tutor says that he likes to do a baseline assessment with the students so he can determine their areas they need work on, which again I found a bit overkill because why are you already testing DS when you haven't taught him how to revise yet?? We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

Classic case of good tutor, lazy child, excuse-making parent.

The tutoring has been going on for 2 months, and the tutor scheduled a Zoom call with me to basically tell me that we may want to reconsider choosing History as an A Level option. This really caught me off guard, and it came across as him telling me how to parent my child! He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations, and whilst he is totally happy to support DS with this he can't ignore the fact that if these skills aren't being mastered in Year 11 history then this is going to severely set DS back when he starts Year 12. I ask the tutor about what revision methods he has taught DS, and the tutor said that the subject knowledge is a key area of weakness, and DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good. I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in.

Why are you paying a tutor for HIS expertise but then expecting he prioritises what YOU think DS's needs are?

You sound utterly deluded.

The tutor will have seen this hundred times - * *parents who can't accept that their precious babies aren't putting in the graft and are drowning.

You'll be straight online, leaving shitty reviews for him when DS doesn't do well, and it sounds like DS isn't going to do well, but none of it will be DS's fault, will it?

In reality, he got himself into this mess.

WHY isn't DS taking notes in class?
WHY are you so quick to believe that him not doing so is the fault of his teacher?
WHY do you think DS hasn't been taught how to mind-map etc in school already? Because I don't buy for one second that he hasn't. - And if by some miracle he actually hasn't, why can't YOU show him how to mind map/make revision cards? Or are you expecting the tutor to do all that for him?
WHY are you not telling DS that he needs to pull his socks up HARD or he's going to fail.
WHY are you so ready with excuses for him?
The kid doesn't even know what topics he's covered, FFS!! He's 15, not 5!!

You're setting that kid up for a World of pain.

He, AND YOU, need to get real, and FAST.

all his mock results he has got 2s and 3s

OP, kindly, if he got 2s and 3s in his GCSE mocks then A levels probably aren't the route for him.

Not if the tutor you've employed is not a teacher, you don't!

These are my thoughts. If this is a real person, she should be studied closely and have a sitcom built around her. Ideally by the writers of Motherland or similar.

When he was choosing his options in year 9, his history teacher did recommend that he do geography instead because his essay-writing and memory surrounding dates was not good (he did roughly the same in terms of achievement in both history and geography)

This was in the opening post.

Then subsqently says:
The thing is I can't really get rid of this tutor because my DS has had 3 history tutors because the other 2 let him down

The secondary teacher tried to put him off taking it - he's had previous tutors to this one who've dropped him - while a more experinced tutors would likely be better I don't think dissmissing what this tutor is saying is helpful to the OP - he's identified the issue a lack of subject knowledge and proposed a solution - 3 hours of tutuoring.

If he at 2/3 mark currently then the turor right - it's not an option for doing at A-level. Perhaps the turtor a bit blunt - but at least he's been very clear and direct with OP - which TBH it sound like she needs.

This whole post is very odd.

YABVU and honestly sound like a nightmare. Don't you think that maybe, just maybe, if this is your third tutor, the issue might just be with you and your DS, not the tutor? Wanting to curl up in a ball shaking and crying after a conversation with the tutor is also a bit weird, OP.

If I were the tutor writing a post about you, it might go something like this:

Took on a new student recently and honestly, it's all been a bit difficult. Sessions didn't get off to a great start when the boy missed half of the first session and the mum did not seem remotely apologetic about the fact I'd been sat waiting for half an hour and in fact suggested I should get myself a coffee, which I found a bit rude and unprofessional.

It became apparent pretty quickly that the boy has huge knowledge gaps and it's going to be a real struggle to get him up to speed in time for his exam. He's a bit disorganised and hasn't taken any notes in class for months. The parent didn't want me to baseline test him, which I find really strange, because it meant I couldn't get a good grasp of where he most needed support. She just wants me to teach him how to revise, which isn't really what I do. Plus it's difficult to teach him how to revise and create revision resources with him when he really doesn't know very much and is lacking in some of the really basic skills you need to be successful in the exam. Having studied to a high level, I can see what he needs to have a chance of getting even a pass grade, but the parent seems adamant that she knows better.

We don't seem to be getting anywhere as she just doesn't seem to understand what is needed or to have any respect for my knowledge and experience and it would be a tall order to get the boy up to standard even if I could just get on with what's needed, let alone with all the interference and demands. I've advised the family to reconsider him taking History for A-level because I just don't see that it is in his best interests and, after thinking about the best way forward, I've offered them 2-3 hours of tutoring a week so that I can support with his subject knowledge and skills and try to get him where he needs to be. I can't work with this family as things stand and am wary of continuing the tutoring arrangement as things stand, as I can't get him where he needs to be on one hour a week and with the parent constantly contacting me and not seeming to understand how tutoring works. AIBU?

This is a comedy thread yes?

Many, many tutoring agencies / parents use - very successfully - high end undergrads and postgrads. We used a final year honours chem student for my son - recommended by their school - who was extraordinary and helped him from a B/C in A-level to an A*. This student was herself spending every day learning (and doing) an intense chem course, and even my son's (highly academic) school recommended this route as the uni students are fully engrossed in their subject, in the moment, rather than a step removed as a teacher/tutor. I don't mean in any way that a teacher/tutor isn't highly experienced and also brilliant, I'm just saying don't knock the student route as it can be highly successful.

I'm sorry you are going through this op. It can be tough parenting.

What I would say is I don't think History is unusually embellishing of a CV - and it certainly isn't if the grade isn't good. It's why they won't allow all students to take Further Maths, even though that really does look good.

Choose the subjects you think he will do best in. It's the soundest advice.

And your DS needs to get with the programme here and give you a hand by applying himself properly.

There have been lots of rude comments about him being not capable enough, but actually none of us can know that in a situation where he is sleeping in through tutoring sessions, has no notes etc.

He needs to pick his strongest subjects and work hard.

The thing is; you can't easily revise the skills you've been told he's lacking. It's weasy to revise facts, dates, names and places, it's a lot harder to revise analysing a source or how to write an essay. Those are skills that, if he was good at history and serious about it as a subject, he would have by now. He's going to massively struggle with A Level work if he's finding GCSE this hard.

Also some kids might actually connect better with a younger tutor.

My ds did some mentoring with younger students when he was in 6th form, which seemed to work well.

I think OP's son just isnt interested in history, he doesnt really sound that academic and may be better off going down a btec or apprenticeship route.

What is his predicted grade for History? He will struggle with A Level History unless he achieves a Grade 6 or higher at GCSE. Also, I agree that revision methods are important, but your son has to know the content first and also the exam techniques that are specific to the History GCSE course. There are specific skills needed for History and a little overlap with essay writing for English, but not much, it’s not all about writing essays.

I assume as a TA or similar.

Honestly OP, your DS needs to focus on his GCSE's at the moment and maybe wind down the extra curiculars for a bit.

My DS is also in yr 11 and needs to get 7's in maths and physics to study them at A Level. He has dropped his after school clubs until his GCSE's are finished as the school work and extra revision sessions take up a lot of his time.

There's truth in that. But I am starting to feel for her ...