AIBU to stop sending my kids to help my pregnant SIL now that she’s said she can’t pay?

Same here.

“Setting up a rota wasn’t the easiest thing to manage”.

But you manage to run a household with 9 children usually? How hard can a rota possibly be.

15 children between 2 households.

“Things are very tight, so I thought this would be a way for the kids to help out”…

Reading this as they earned the money from babysitting, and gave it to you?

God…..it’s parent like you OP.

But your kids are happy to help aunty even if she doesn't pay...you are unreasonable to stop them going if they want to, after all they were the ones who benefitted from the money, but happy to do it without. I'd say its up to them

Same

Op didn’t say she also gave them pocket money. She said they were earning pocket money. So it helped her out because the extra things children like such as treats she couldn’t afford, so the kids could buy themselves treats if wanted

My MIL (who’s in her 70s, incidentally) had the sort of upbringing OP is giving her daughters. My MIL was the second oldest of 7. The boys never lifted a finger. The girls did everything. Dad worked and drank - nothing else. Mum did what she could.

MIL and her siblings went on to have children of their own. MIL never allowed her children to lift a finger, she so hated her upbringing that she waited on her children 24/7. She wanted them to enjoy their childhood.

As a consequence, two of her children didn’t know how to boil pasta aged 24 and 27. One of them has never washed a dish in his life. They all do well enough to pay other people to cook/clean for them.

MIL is now trying to do the same for my DC and I absolutely do not stand for it. She will try to stop them taking their dishes to the sink, would stop them helping to clear the table after a meal, will jump up to get them a drink or a snack if there’s so much as a suggestion from them that they’d quite like one.

It’s so fucking dysfunctional. Having children isn’t a human right. We in the west don’t live a societies where child labour is required or desirable. This fucked up messaging that girls and to a lesser extent boys are exposed to has repercussions down the generations. You can’t expect a communal or shared existence when you live in a society that values and prizes the individual as highly as Europe and North America does. It’s the worst of all worlds - and utterly, completely regressive for girls and women.

Your SIL helped you when you needed help with young dc. Your dds would like to help their aunt now that she is in need of a bit of support. How lucky you are that you have dc who are happy to put themselves out for their aunt and cousins.

😱😱😱😱😱😱 i did not understand but now i get it.

Ohhhhhh and erghhhhh

Poor girls!

I did think it was kinda weird a 10 yr old was helping her aunt put kids to bed but some kids "love babies".

I change my vote: the mother and aunt should both leave those poor fuckers alone so they can be children not free labour...

Did you pay your sister when she was a teenager and helped you out?

I think OP meant it saved her having to pay for things the girls wanted.

Why should it make a difference to you then if the girls still want to do it? Let them decide

Then why did you say the money helped you out as well as giving them pocket money?

So you've answered the question: you haven't kept the money.

Tjis makes for such a depressing read — so much to unpack. Multiple children, yet so little accountability from the adults who chose to bring them into the world. My heart aches for those children. They deserve so much more, and I wish better for all our women and girls. No mention of dads who should be helping around more.

I’m grateful that I have the choice, discernment and perspective to see things differently, and the strength to fight for a better future for my own child — not in terms of money or possessions, but in recognising her as a sentient being with emotions, wants, and needs.

I want my child to have a bright future. not one full of material goods, but one full of dreams, choices, and self-belief. If I can help her hold on to those dreams and pursue them, then I will die a happy mother.

It’s so sad to read stories from others who had to take on the burden of caring for numerous siblings from such a young age. Children should be allowed to be children.

My sympathies. My eldest aunt was a wonderful woman, but she was hard done by.

In her case she was rewarded for being 'clever at school' by being told to take her leaving certificate when she was 12 - instead of the usual 14 in those days - so that she could go into service on a farm. She was saved by the outbreak of WW2 - she joined up and became a nurse.

You took her free labour when it suited you because you couldn’t manage your own situation.

Your own children give you so much free labour to the point you notice when one isn’t there to assist you in parenting your own children.

Your older children are raising your younger children.

You have now sent your children to do paid work for the person who previously worked for you for free.

You are profiting from your children’s labour, and profiting from someone you took unlimited free labour from.

You and your husband are struggling to financially provide for your children.

You can’t look after your own children without enlisting some of the children to care for the others.

Yes you very much are being unreasonable. And neglectful, and are a user and only see yourself in any of this.

Selling your 10 years old time by making her help a mother of four children who cannot medically look after her own children? Shame on you. And shame on her for letting your 10
year old do the work. Let your child be a child.

You said the money helped you out, and also gave them some pocket money. Sounds like you took some of the money

Hmmm. You don't understand? Okay. I'll play.

Is it the case that your SIL paid for your children to help, but that you retained the payment?

@WearyAuldWumman that's exactly what I thought the last two times. My mother asked me, the last time, why I didn't seem happy about the new baby!

You say you paid to take her on holiday as repayment - did she assist with childcare while on holiday?