AIBU to stop sending my kids to help my pregnant SIL now that she’s said she can’t pay?

I think it's reasonable that she pays the children for helping. If she hired a babysitter or whatever it would cost her a lot more.
OPs children are giving up their free time so it's not unreasonable to expect a small token of appreciation.
A few years ago my DD looked after her cousins while SIL worked (two days a week). BIL was there but working from home and she absolutely got paid.
If SIL didn't want to pay she shouldn't have offered.

The whole thing is awful.

I came from a big family and we used to help round the house when we were old enough, it was expected and my mum was expecting, but we never was asked to help anyone else, but nither of my mum and dad's family helped us. Our neighbours were nice though but money never changed hands. I love my remaining family very much and would never charge them for anything. You sound a bit like Fagin.

Charging family in their time of need isn’t the right thing to do.

Your poor DC! It is not your older childrens responsibility to look after your younger ones. Why do you keep having children you can’t seem to afford financially?! Would love to know MILs reaction when you ask her to pay! What an absolute circus

I would let the kids decide.

1. the SIL hasn’t offered holidays / meals

2. the situations aren’t the same. SIL didn’t have kids when she helped OP at a certain time, OP is the mum of 9, including a 3 month old!

Er, they’re her children? Of course it’s OP’s right to decide where her kids go.

OP says money is tight. But she still has to find the money elsewhere for pocket money. Why would she compound her situation by sending her DC to do chores at her SIL’s which they could be helping with at home? Or just playing with their siblings?

The relevance to my previous post is that I said OP should keep her children at home. SIL’s idea of what are appropriate chores for the dc may be different to OP’s. People can take advantage, I had an aunt who would have taken a mile if given an inch.

I really feel for these DC. They're not staff.or there to help parent anyone's DC, yours or their aunt's.
Yes, I'm probably projecting, but I'm one of eight siblings. Fortunately, I was one of the youngest. My eldest DSis (it's always a girl) raised me more far than DM, who without her help would have been negligent at best. If you notice a difference in the 'chaos' when one of your elder DCs is missing, then you've abdicated part of your role as a parent to them. It's not their job to parent their siblings.

This! 👆

so between you and your SIL you have 13 children and one more on the way .. can I ask is this for religious beliefs?

So then if the money went entirely to them and they are happy to help her and forgo the payment, why is it anything to do with you?!

You “repaid” her in other ways later when she helped you. Why isn’t she given the same opportunity to do that?!

Can you just have them pull back on how long they’re over there? That way she gets a bit of help and the family visit but you get them back earlier to get things back to normal.

I read it like this too.
Reminds me of that god awful 22 kids and counting family, having more and more kids for the older ones to look after.

She can’t afford to give her DCs pocket money,
not sure of the relevance to your pre ious post either.

As OP has to give her kids pocket money, and has 9 kids, don’t you think that money would be better spent giving pocket money to her kids in exchange for light chores rather than having to send unpaid help to SIL?

I also hope this isn’t real.

There seem to be a lot of young girls on your family who are used to care for younger siblings/cousins/nieces & nephews. Then they go in to have lots of kids.

are you prioritizing your daughters’ education? some of them will be in big exam years this year. do they know there are other options that having lots and lots of children?

They're not her slaves. They're not their mother's property to be farmed out. They are children who deserve a childhood. None of the responsibility for Sils household or OPs household rests with them.

All abused children defend their abusive parents, to begin with.

Op is an abusive parent.

Nothing indicates that the chores are any more onerous than the chores they get at home?

They’re keen to go.

What made you think “hid knows what chores the SIL is making them do”, she’s been told to rest for medical reasons, not because she’s being lazy.

Maybe OP can go over and help since she leaves her kids to run her house anyway.

Whatever happens it is one hundred percent NOT the fault of the slave labour children. At all.

I really hope you're no longer broody, if one child leaving to go anywhere at all, for whatever reason, result in the whole structure falling apart.

That is such an unreasonable level of responsibility for them, that I can't even get to the other unreasonable behaviour 😕.

Money and family really don't mix, do they.

It's funny that SIL said she didn't mind paying and now she doesn't want to. Twenty-five pounds a week is great for 10 hours of help. Maybe she's had to tighten her belt a bit.

I was going to say YABU because SIL helped you out so much when you were in need, but of course it's your kids helping and not you, so that doesn't make sense.

I apologise if this sounds a bit mad given that you have 9, but would you have any time to help her? You did say that your older kids are very responsible. Maybe one of them could help with dinner and stuff for one or two nights, or your DH could. Or maybe your girls could do five paid hours and you could do a bit free, as she helped you years ago. Perhaps SIL would be better able to afford 12.50 a week.

You sound like a poor mother that is just using your children for labour, you’re preventing them from socialising with family if family doesn’t pay them; and you’re saying how you need all your kids in your household to “help with the chaos”. It just sounds like your kids aren’t allowed to be kids, it’s just how much chores anyone can get out of them - and it’s free labour for your household but family has to pay. Weird style of parenting