AIBU to stop sending my kids to help my pregnant SIL now that she’s said she can’t pay?

My bet is because they’re working for free for OP, as she has 9 children. Poor kids.

Is the op posting from the 1800s?

Fuck me if this is real it sounds like an absolute shit show. It sounds as though both you and your sister have had so many kids you can’t manage without your elder children helping out. This isn’t normal.

It also sounds like you’re bouncing about just above the poverty line if neither of you can afford to pay/ lose the £25. How are you planning on getting all these kids through uni?

To answer the direct question, I would still ask my daughters to help out in the short term, for free, if they are happy to do so. Longer term I think you and your sister need to assess your finances and make some adult decisions.

Youngest is a boy. So 8 girls before him.

I got the impression op only has daughters to be fair

I imagine it's a bit of a relief for OPs children to help out in the household with 4 children than the one with 9.

Did the OP tell her sister in law that in the future she’d repay her via holidays? I doubt it. And it isn’t the OP that’s helping the sister in law. It’s her teenage children. Just like the sister in law was a teenager when she helped the OP.

I think the oldest ones should be able to choose if they want to pop over to their aunt just in general, and it would be kind if they wanted to help out. If they're not being paid then it's not an obligation to go every day but just a kind thing if they want to pop round.

I probably wouldn't have sent a 10 year old to help in the first place, money or not.

Why aren't your sons taking their turn?

And does a woman with health issues not feel that 4 kids is enough?

It all sounds a bit mad tbh. But if your kids are old enough to be babysitters, they're old enough to decide for themselves what they will or won't do (and, if they're going to be paid, what they'll accept), so just stay out if it and leave them to communicate with her directly.

17 year olds that want to help their aunt?

presumably your SIL had a partner who can patent his own kids without needing the nieces to act as skivvies?

Jesus christ. How about... Stop breeding?

And secondly, good lesson for the kids: you always help family! Until they can't afford to pay you..

Look forward to when they charge you in your old age.

It's just so awful, 9 kids, oldest are unpaid labour at home, no income stream, considering extorting the MIL, what have I just read. If this is someone's 'culture', I'm so glad not to have any part in it.

Alternatively, I'm so sick and tired of woke people tiptoeing about every medieval practice , and calling plainly harmful and abusive shit 'their culture'. It's not culture, it's madness, downright criminal in some cases.

One family has 9 and the other is on her 5th child, with what sounds like a high risk pregnancy. This is one of those things where you need to be responsible/accountable for the choices you make. Ten year olds should not be relied on for providing regular support for another family.

I have mixed views here. Whilst helping out family for free is nice, the sil sounds a bit manipulative. Why offer payment in the first place if she didn't intend to pay? It's unfair to tell kids they are going to get pocket money, let them do it for two weeks, and then start the emotional blackmail about cousins missing them when they don't come. She should have been upfront about asking for a favour in the first place. And unlike others who are horrified by charging family, I don't think it's uncommon for an uncle or aunt to offer pocket money for babysitting to a teen (not to a 10 year old through!!)

However, it sounds like op dictated the cost, rather than asking her what she was thinking of paying, and while it sounds very reasonable per day, £100 a month is a lot of money for someone with 4 kids, especially when what she is getting for that is sometimes a 10 year old so presumably a limit on what they can help with / how much supervision they need. And it may also sting when she helped op for free when she was that age. (I know the op says shd have her holidays, supper but if op had 2 kids under 2 I assuming those came with a fair bit of childcare helping)

I think the op needs to give the kids a choice about whether they want to do it (a genuine one where it is clear they can say yes or no without judgement and dictate how often/ when if they do want to do it). The op shouldn't be deciding based on her own wish to have them home helping her or her own household income - it was their pocket money. I get keeping track of everyone in a family of 9 must be a pain, but it's important the older ones get to do their own things (not just this) and aren't responsible for their sibling all the time. As for getting supper ready etc, surely if you are feeding everyone else you just keep their portion back for reheating? And if they are useful enough to have existed your sil to pay for their help, they should be able to sort any reheating etc themselves.

Why do you all keep having so many kids? <misses point>

This!

If they want to help let them. I don’t think you need a rota just if x I’d free on Monday and wants to help she can go round there. She helped you in the past.

I don't often comment .

But the madness of this thread sent my judgy pants into a tail spin and I looked for the YABU button to press multiple times .
1 having 9 children - fine your choice if you as the adult have the means to parent all of these children- but reading between the lines you use your children as live in nanny's / housemaids/ parents helpers - siblings should not be defacto parents because of your choice

Charging your sil in her time of need is one of the most mean spirited things I've ever heard of.

Do not have multiple children if you cannot afford them rather than charging out mothers help services so your children can have treats with their pocket money . The 17 year old can have a job. Younger children can help hear and there. I know your not pocketing the money but your gaining by not having to spend on life's little treats for your kids .

It's Christmas soon op help your sister in law out. But also make sure your kids are able to be kids and not skivys.

Well I'd have thought the kids would have been paid directly-like extra pocket money.

The kids who want to go, let them. Embrace their willingness to help for intrinsic rewards-because it makes them feel good. This should be nurtured as its so often lost these days.

Yeah. Imagine having kids so the oldest ones could raise the youngest ones. Honestly op, both of you need to stop having kids and exporting the elder ones.

Blimey. You all need to stop having children - you clearly can't afford.

SIL cannot afford the 'pocket money' you suggested she pay, and you can't afford to give any money for treats, to any of your children.

All sounds rather Dickensian. None of these children will be having a great childhood when everything must be spread so thinly, and they are being massively put upon.

But to answer your OP. Yes YABU.

This

Family should help. Especially as she’s helped you before and she’s practically begging. Since your girls are willing to help and aren’t being forced, let them go. Yes, that means you’re one helper down, but surely that’s manageable!
asking mil to pay them is downright crazy for soooo many reasons.

BUT when I expressed the same view on another thread (family helps and you don’t expect payment), everyone disagreed with me saying family should be paid, so I don’t know why you’re getting such a different reaction. Perhaps due to the circumstance?

What are the father's of all these children doing to parent their many, many offspring??

They barely get a mention! Weird

I agree with this too. I didn't grow up in a large family (I was one of 3) and my chores growing up were age appropriate ones, helping with the dusting, emptying the dishwasher, keeping my room tidy etc.

It wouldn't as said above be even in the same universe as being one of 9 with young siblings to help out with and a 100 loads of laundry to do.