AIBU to stop sending my kids to help my pregnant SIL now that she’s said she can’t pay?

If the girls want to I’d let them. At older teens if they had a part time job or babysitting gig the money wouldn’t go to you. If SIL will do them references fir babysitting this could be a good way for them to earn some of their own money.

I just think its sad that sil has helped op in the past, but now op's help is nowhere to be seen unless she gets some financial benefits from it

Also, her kids want to help their aunty. That's so lovely of them and if they are happy to do it without payment, then op shouldn't stop them.

Hi. No judgement here.

If your kids are happy to help, I'd let them. Maybe on the night of the help, they could eat at SIL so 'payment' becomes the meal? That might help a small bit. Also, if their place is quieter and less chaotic, maybe the older ones could do homework there post them helping? -Obviously only if it suits the kids, you and SIL.

I'm sorry if I've missed this - but where is SIL's husband in all of this ?

Honestly, I think some people have these dreams of having a huge family and imagine it's going to turn out to be like The Waltons when in fact it just leads to a great big mess all round.
My concern is that you don't appear to be putting the welfare of your kids first but seem to be primarily concerned about the money.
I would be more than happy for one of my kids to help out free of charge as an act of kindness for a family member in need but I certainly wouldn't expect payment especially bearing in mind the support you have also received in the past.
My other worry is that you yourself may have placed unfair demands on your own kids. I am absolutely one for kids helping out around the house and doing chores etc but I also recognise that they need to prioritise homework, sports and downtime after school in their own personal space etc.

I'd guess the implication is that they help with care for their younger siblings.

Why is the house chaotic without one of the girls? Why would you stop them going where they want to go unless they are making money there? Why would you expect MIL to pay? So much wrong in your OP that I wonder if it is a wind up.

It's this a reverse? I can't imagine anyone posting this here and thinking that others would support them.

I don't agree with people saying you don't pay kids in the family for babysitting. Of course you should - I pay my nieces for babysitting.
I do however agree with the people saying you shouldn't have nine children. There is no way they're getting enough individual attention and if your house is more chaotic with one gone then they're parentified.

So basically you want your daughters to be your free labour but you aren't happy for them to help your SIL for free despite the fact she has helped you for free.

Just help anyway. I can see that you were perhaps incentivised to have your daughters round more than was ideal because they were getting pocket money that your struggling to provide but if having your daughters away is more stressful for you then maybe just reduce how often they go.

And also consider what your daughters actually want to do as well in all of this.

Why is your DH doing a job that doesn’t meet the needs of the family? Sounds like he needs to get a second job, or you do. Surely that’s a better option than expecting your SIL to pay your children to hang out with their cousins.

Can't believe you asked for an hourly rate.

This

If your girls are still happy to go and help out without pay, it seems spiteful to stop them. Either that or it’s just selfish because you want them to help you instead, but they shouldn’t be obliged to help anyone with their children of an evening.

Ask the kids how they feel doing it without pay. If they want to do it, then offer twice a week as you need them at home.

Your SIL probably expected to offer your children a little pocket money at the end - I doubt she was expecting an hourly rate. Did you even check this with her before you decided what was a suitable rate?

It’s quite unreasonable of you to expect your older children to help with your family but deny them the opportunity to help their aunt when she really needs it!

Family helps family when there is a need. You are being unreasonable if she can’t afford it.

You have NINE children, can’t afford them, rely on the older ones to help you to care for children they didn’t choose to bring into the world, and charge your family for their labour?

Good god.

One is more than sufficient for me lol

This. Can't believe what I have read tbh.

Because the missing child isn't doing all the stuff op wants them to

You have 9 kids and no money, I think you have bigger problems.
and yes your teenagers should help out a family member for free but sounds like you need them at your house otherwise you can’t even manage? Honestly poor girls (do the boys have to help out too)… what a mess on all sides

I wouldn't want my daughters of any age doing regular childcare after school. Secondary school age kids should be studying/doing hobbies/relaxing, not being caregivers whether paid or unpaid (if at all possible - I get that it's not possible for some families). Girls in particular should be encouraged to aspire to more in life than looking after babies.

From the sounds of it, they probably enjoy the break from grafting at home instead . Even though it sounds as if they're being pimped out for labour.

Family helps each other. Let the older bairns decide for themselves.