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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have expected her to take the kid out when this happened?

186 replies

OneAmusedShark · 08/11/2025 16:53

Best friend came round for lunch today with her (just) 4 year old who my DD and DS absolutely adore.

She’s not toilet trained (nursery age, not yet at school so not judging).

To cut a long story short, she squatted down and started to take a dump in her nappy in our lounge.

It was obvious what was happening as she stunk the place out, and was grunting,
red in the face etc, and my friend asked her “have you finished” on more than one occasion.

Afterwards, my friend took her out to the bathroom to change her.

I didn’t say anything but surely the polite thing to do would have been to
remove the child as soon as it was obvious what was happening? (or even ask her
to take herself to the bathroom if she knows she’s going to fill her nappy!)

The room still stinks! 🤮

OP posts:
Celestialmoods · 08/11/2025 17:14

This is the sort of thing that seems completely disgusting when you don’t have a small child, but that mothers of small children become temporarily completely desensitised to.

If the child is over three, then I agree she should have been taken out of the room and to the toilet as part of the toilet training process.

FateReset · 08/11/2025 17:13

Is there a reason she hasn't started toilet training her yet?

I imagine your friend was embarrassed? Not very nice of her to let it happen, but maybe this doesn't usually happen out and about so she just froze?

Bit OTT to say you can't air your lounge. If you can really still smell it, perhaps there was a leak on the carpet?

HappyGilmorex · 08/11/2025 17:12

I think these things are hard to judge. Unless she's shared all her child's medical history with you etc. you don't know if she's suffering from constipation or something else which might 1) impact toilet training and 2) mean that you'd never interrupt a poo when it's actually happening.

Not many parents are happily choosing to change nappies indefinitely so the fact that she's not toilet trained makes me wonder if there is something medical going on which her mum understandably isn't sharing widely.

So yes while it's not nice I would err on the side of interpreting generously and light a candle to burn off any lingering odour.

WhatNoRaisins · 08/11/2025 17:10

Is your friend an otherwise normal functioning person? I can't imagine anyone doing this with a 4 year old.

PearlTeapot · 08/11/2025 17:09

4, no SEN? YANBU at all.

Child clearly aware they need to poo- she should have said 'oh you're having a poo, off to the bathroom' or similar.

Dacatspjs · 08/11/2025 17:09

Shes never going to be potty trained at this rate.

GeorgeClooneyshouldhavemarriedme · 08/11/2025 17:09

workshy46 · 08/11/2025 17:06

Grim in the extreme and piss poor parenting and yes a 4 year old should be potty trained assuming there is no sen. I would be completely shocked and I don’t know anyone who would think that was acceptable but I’m sure you will get loads of replies saying it is .. parenting standards seem to have sunk to an all time low

Word for word this.

Unless there's SEN how on earth is it acceptable to have your kid shitting in a nappy aged four in the middle of someone else's living room?

AmberRose86 · 08/11/2025 17:08

That’s quite surprising. My nephew is nearly 4 and still in nappies and he’s really embarrassed about it (but he’s funny with change and can’t quite bring himself to go in the potty/toilet - he’s getting there). He’d never do that in front of other people he takes himself away and hides 💔

TeenLifeMum · 08/11/2025 17:08

So she watch her 4yo poo and made no attempt to get her to a toilet. Lazy parenting. My dtds started school 3 days after turning 4. Just because she’s not in school, that’s not okay. I’d judge her.

workshy46 · 08/11/2025 17:06

Grim in the extreme and piss poor parenting and yes a 4 year old should be potty trained assuming there is no sen. I would be completely shocked and I don’t know anyone who would think that was acceptable but I’m sure you will get loads of replies saying it is .. parenting standards seem to have sunk to an all time low

Lmnop22 · 08/11/2025 17:05

She was wearing a nappy and she changed her immediately. I wouldn’t necessarily expect her to take her child out of the room to do the poo, just to change her afterwards!

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