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Original poster

To have expected her to take the kid out when this happened?

186 replies

OneAmusedShark · 08/11/2025 16:53

Best friend came round for lunch today with her (just) 4 year old who my DD and DS absolutely adore.

She’s not toilet trained (nursery age, not yet at school so not judging).

To cut a long story short, she squatted down and started to take a dump in her nappy in our lounge.

It was obvious what was happening as she stunk the place out, and was grunting,
red in the face etc, and my friend asked her “have you finished” on more than one occasion.

Afterwards, my friend took her out to the bathroom to change her.

I didn’t say anything but surely the polite thing to do would have been to
remove the child as soon as it was obvious what was happening? (or even ask her
to take herself to the bathroom if she knows she’s going to fill her nappy!)

The room still stinks! 🤮

OP posts:
ginasevern · 08/11/2025 17:40

Good grief. My son was born in the late 70's. If any child back then had effectively squatted down to poo in someone's sitting room at the age of 4, everyone would wonder if they'd been brought up by wolves in the wilderness. Children were generally out of nappies by 2 otherwise schools refused to take them and anyway, parents wouldn't dream of humiliating their kids like that. I feel so sorry for children in this position. Unless there are medical reasons, it's neglect pure and simple.

BertieBotts · 08/11/2025 17:39

Everyone is piling on the age but I would never have tried to move a non-potty-trained child who was actively pooing - the chances are they would stop and/or scream the place down D: unfortunately you do sort of have to wait while they do it and then change them.

I don't actually think that the age of the child changes that, even though the scenario I'm thinking of the child is younger.

Pollqueen · 08/11/2025 17:38

Lmnop22 · 08/11/2025 17:05

She was wearing a nappy and she changed her immediately. I wouldn’t necessarily expect her to take her child out of the room to do the poo, just to change her afterwards!

The kid is 4. Shouldn't even be in a nappy in the daytime!

Allmarbleslost · 08/11/2025 17:36

If the child can't poo on a toilet they can at least be told to go and fill the nappy in the bathroom! Grim.

Pollqueen · 08/11/2025 17:36

I'd expect her to be toilet trained at 4 and if she wasn't, move her to the loo the minute she started showing signs of wanting to go

ThejoyofNC · 08/11/2025 17:36

Well everyone has been wondering why all the kids are starting school still in nappies. I suppose it's because of parents like this.

Fundays12 · 08/11/2025 17:36

Yuck. A 4 year old shouldn't be in nappies unless they have SEN. My 3 boys trained just there 2nd birthday including my autistic/adhd child (obviously not possible for all kids with these needs but). It was really hard work in the short term but worth the effort. A 4 year old is nearly a school age child so shouldn't be in nappies.

Poodlelove · 08/11/2025 17:35

Disgusting.
Very bad parenting.

TheaBrandt1 · 08/11/2025 17:31

It’s not good for her dignity either. I can remember being 4 you are definitely sentient and should be toilet trained unless other issues which op says is not the case here.

TheaBrandt1 · 08/11/2025 17:30

She’s not that “little” she’s 4 not 2. Absolutely grim

ginasevern · 08/11/2025 17:28

justagalaskingaquestion · 08/11/2025 17:18

Yes, maybe she should be potty trained by now but what is the difference between a two-year-old doing this in a four-year-old?

Both their poo smell, regardless of age

Show quote history

The difference is that the poor child should be toilet trained at 4 years old!

Hons123 · 08/11/2025 17:26

Unfortunately people say 'this is very normal', 'she is only little', unrealistic expectations, but here you have it - some people are swine-like (her mum) and they bring their children to be swines, just like them! This is so awful, I have honestly never heard anything of the sort, and I heard a lot of stories of awful kid behaviour.

Newmeagain · 08/11/2025 17:24

That is really grim. When my dd was 2 I suddenly realised that she was aware before she was about to go so next time I observed I picked her up and ran unto the loo with her. That was it and she never did it in her nappy again. Your friend should have done that years ago.

GeorgeClooneyshouldhavemarriedme · 08/11/2025 17:24

Ddakji · 08/11/2025 17:23

I think the same, an embarrassed child wouldn’t have stayed there squatting and straining for a while, she would have gone up to her mum and whispered that she needed a poo.

Sounds like this has become normalised in her home and is probably why she’s not potty trained.

Show quote history

Exactly.

At age four she's old to know that this is not something we do in front of an audience.

Ddakji · 08/11/2025 17:23

Zanatdy · 08/11/2025 17:19

I meant the child

Show quote history

I think the same, an embarrassed child wouldn’t have stayed there squatting and straining for a while, she would have gone up to her mum and whispered that she needed a poo.

Sounds like this has become normalised in her home and is probably why she’s not potty trained.

GeorgeClooneyshouldhavemarriedme · 08/11/2025 17:20

justagalaskingaquestion · 08/11/2025 17:18

Yes, maybe she should be potty trained by now but what is the difference between a two-year-old doing this in a four-year-old?

Both their poo smell, regardless of age

Show quote history

All poo smells.
That's why we toilet train small humans not to shit anywhere and everywhere.

Zanatdy · 08/11/2025 17:19

Ddakji · 08/11/2025 17:18

Doesn’t sound like she was embarrassed.

Show quote history

I meant the child

Bedtelly · 08/11/2025 17:19

My 3 year old was so easy to potty train when it came to wees but for poos she just absolutely refused the toilet, it's led to constipation due to with holding.

She has taken to asking for a nappy when she wants a poo and I've let her because at the moment the main thing is she poos. Now she is quite private with it and couldn't see her doing what you mention but just another perspective.

I wouldn't consider myself a lazy parent.

Hysterectomynext · 08/11/2025 17:19

I think what’s happened is that your friend does this at home and therefore doesn’t see it as you do. We get used to our own ways. It’s not great but it could definitely be worse. At least she had a nappy on.
toilet training is a funny one. Some parents and children really struggle and for others it’s an easier transition.
you’ll have to light a candle and say a prayer

Ddakji · 08/11/2025 17:18

Zanatdy · 08/11/2025 17:17

open your window and the smell will go so no big drama on that. Yes she should have taken her out of the room, she must have been embarrassed. Unless any SEN she definitely needs to toilet trained, very late.

Doesn’t sound like she was embarrassed.

justagalaskingaquestion · 08/11/2025 17:18

OneAmusedShark · 08/11/2025 17:16

I’ve literally never discussed the child’s
bowels habits with my friend (who
is otherwise perfectly normally functioning) and I haven’t said anything about this.

No SEN. Wouldn’t have even guessed

Candle is a good call!

Glad to know it’s not just me being prissy.

Yes, maybe she should be potty trained by now but what is the difference between a two-year-old doing this in a four-year-old?

Both their poo smell, regardless of age

Zanatdy · 08/11/2025 17:17

open your window and the smell will go so no big drama on that. Yes she should have taken her out of the room, she must have been embarrassed. Unless any SEN she definitely needs to toilet trained, very late.

Original poster
OneAmusedShark · 08/11/2025 17:16

I’ve literally never discussed the child’s
bowels habits with my friend (who
is otherwise perfectly normally functioning) and I haven’t said anything about this.

No SEN. Wouldn’t have even guessed

Candle is a good call!

Glad to know it’s not just me being prissy.

OP posts:
Washingbasquait · 08/11/2025 17:16

Sorry, I always try not to judge, but this is really piss poor, bone idle parenting. Unless there’s a valid reason, a four year old should be toilet trained.

justagalaskingaquestion · 08/11/2025 17:16

It feels good to admit that I’m not the sort of friend that would judge without being in a position myself. What is the difference between a two year-old doing this and a four-year-old? Yes, okay maybe she should be potty trained but I don’t know the woman or why her daughter is not potty trained yet. Poo is going to smell regardless of age

We’re not talking about a 10-year-old here

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