To have expected her to take the kid out when this happened?

Exactly- people hear a four year old isn't toilet trained and work themselves into a frenzy but surely it's a side issue? And unless you know her medical and SEN history then how do you know why she isn't?

DS wasn't until 3 and a half (the horror!) but used to go and hide himself away.

Ah sorry yes key difference: he definitely would have gone somewhere private. Actually part of the phobia was he refused to go anywhere other than his own home.

This! Surely a 4 year old would be mortified doing this in front of people. Their shits can be the size of an adult's. School will not be impressed when this giant baby turns up.

Whaaaat? It’d be ok for the child to poo in the lounge if not wearing a nappy???

I actually think in this scenario that would be being a good friend.

Did he go off somewhere quiet to poo, or just go in front of everyone?

Yeah I mean I’m sure it hasn’t occurred to her already.

Out of interest, would you judge if they WERE 10? Assuming no SEN obviously.

It’s the parents who should be embarrassed.

I actually think there are times when a little more judgement is called for, rather than less. Again, assuming no SEN or medical issues, sometimes I think a bit of social pressure/reinforcing the norm is needed when some parents are so totally clueless. Not in a way that embarrasses the child, though.

Of course there are all kinds of medical/SEN exceptions, but there are parents with kids starting school in nappies who would be perfectly capable of being potty trained and actually sometimes a bit of judgement reinforces social norms.

That said, my nephew was still using nappies at that age. He’d developed some kind of fear around it, bordering on a phobia. I think maybe because his parents are extremely germ obsessed but I’m not sure.

Parents like this need to make their child feel embarrassed if they even think of defecating in somebody's house like this. That will sort them out.

Yes, you are.

An infant is one thing; a child who can walk and talk and is nearly in reception should know to shit in private. And the parents should know not to inflict this on others, especially in someone else’s home.

Why not??

Absolutely beyond grim.

I’d wonder why the girl herself doesn’t desire privacy. She’s hardly a baby.

Well she clearly doesn’t know she needs one before it happens or she would be toilet trained. It’s not great but I wouldn’t be judging my best friend and posting on a public form about it. It’s not as if the child shit on the carpet, an open window will resolve the problem.

Yes, too old for this sort of thing, and unnecessary if everyone knew what was happening?! What an odd and uncomfortable situation OP 😅

Maybe a bit more fuss about it would encourage the girl to learn to potty train? If it's no hassle and she can carry on playing / chatting with everyone, there's not much incentive.

I judge the not being toilet trained but I wouldn’t expect her to pick the child up mid poo as once she started, she’s started

I agree she should have started toilet training by 4 but this post isn’t about that. Considering she isn’t toilet trained, I don’t think there’s a need to immediately whisk her out of the room when she’s pooing in her nappy in the same way I don’t whisk my 1 year old out of a room when she is pooing, I just change immediately when I notice the nappy is full! Unless encouraging to use the toilet; which rightly or wrongly doesn’t seem to be happening with this child at the moment, taking her away to clean her up and change immediately is good enough for me! But maybe I’m so often covered in the bodily fluid of my own small children, I’m desensitised to the whole thing 🫣

My ds was clean and dry, potty trained at 21 months.

Surely she’ll have been on proper t since she was about 6 months old.

4 year olds, whether in nappies or not, should not be pooing in lounges.

Nothing wrong with her pooing in the lounge, but it's 100% wrong that she is still in a nappy. She needs to be toilet trained already - That I would be judging! It's no wonder it stunk because she's 4 and on proper food now.

Gross, lazy parenting.

I’m in two minds, a lot of kids go glassy eyed and unresponsive when pooing so it was probably too late to tell the child to go the bathroom. And I’d be confused and annoyed if someone picked me up and whisked me away while I was pooing. But I suppose it would have been polite to take her away when it became obvious she was about to poo. I’ve never known anyone to take their baby out the room when they’re pooing though. I know several parents who won’t change their baby/toddler if they poo in the middle of a meal which I think is gross. I guess they are so used to the smell and routines that they forget it’s not normal for the rest of us

I absolutely would have said to my friend that she needs to potty train her child ASAP. No way would I have been able to keep quiet.

exactly this.

It’s pretty demeaning for a child of that age. Assuming no SEN, a 4 year old child is at a TOTALLY different developmental stage from a 1 or 2 year old still in nappies. They have more awareness of their environment and a greater understanding of what’s appropriate in different contexts.

It sounds exactly like this is normalised: kid starts to take a dump, squatting, grunting etc and mum just lets her carry on wherever she is, no attempt to take her to the bathroom and use the toilet or go on the potty. Sounds like extremely lazy parenting