To have expected her to take the kid out when this happened?

I personally think this is very judgemental of you. I would hate a friend to judge me like this. There could be a multitude of underlying reasons of which you know nothing about. Regardless, you are her friend (apparently), and friends support each other, they don't post on mumsnet about a minor incident.

This. Spot on

There's a huge difference between a two year old and four year old!

I agree, that's disgusting, OP. Most children start developing a sense of privacy about going to the toilet around two or three. I still remember my younger (SEN) brother used to hide behind the TV when he needed to go.

is it the age? As I doubt Id pick up a toddler mid poo! But that’s me mixing with other toddler mums. Is the mum just not trying to toilet train or what’s the isshw/what’s going on?

Your friend is utterly uncouth.
No excuse for not taking her child to the loo.
I would absolutely judge her.

My Dd would also scream the place down and thrash and cry hysterically if anyone tried to move her when she was pooing. She was out of nappies at 18 months, however I do remember her pooing in her knickers a little after that and trying to move her out of her corner caused such hysteria it was quite traumatic- I remember my harsh-as-hell 1980s parenting mum begging me to leave her where she was.

so the behaviour makes perfect sense, sounds like a sign she is ready to be potty trained tbh.

Don’t know what to say about the lack of potty training really, it seems daft to go on about how once removed total stranger is a crap parent.

it def doesn’t smell hours later though 😂

Grim. Is she ever going to bother to do toilet training? The poo cues are often quite blatant, l managed it with twins so l don’t see why she can’t.

Especially grim the room still stinks of poo.

i think it’s impossible to separate the two really!

I never whisked a 1 or 2 yo out of the room mid-poo, so in general I wouldn’t expect a child in nappies to be taken to the bathroom to poo. The context for a 4yo is different because of the age and it without knowing if there’s particular reasons the child is still in nappies then it is impossible to judge.

Yabu, how would you like someone to pick you up and move you while you were mid taking a shit? She removed her and changed her immediately. And the age is irrelevant without knowing the child's individual needs.

It’s very disturbing how the standard of parenting has slipped in the UK.

It’s not normal, for developmentally average child, and 4 isn’t that little. I would definitely had to say something in a kind and non judgmental way.

I thought my DS2 was late at a week past his third birthday, although he basically moved into pants straightaway, very easily, but at 4 this is truly awful. What on earth is going on?

That’s disgusting.
And in the absence of SEN, I would absolutely judge a parent who hadn’t sorted out their 4 year old’s toileting. If there was some sort of issue meaning a nappy was still needed, then they should at least be taught that having a poo is not something to be done in the middle of a room full of people.

A 4 year olds is at l last twice the volume and a 4 year old can clearly articulate that she needs to be got to the toilet.

I'm speechless that anyone lets a 4 year old non-SEN child crap in someone's lounge. She's not a bloody puppy!

What do you mean, nothing wrong with a 4 year old pooing in the lounge? What planet are you on?

Poor child, being failed by her lazy and incompetent Mother.

I would go far further than you and judge a 4 year old in nappies with no SEN.

If your husband had to wear nappies would we let this happen?

NO MA'AM I DON'T THINK WE WOULD

Part of me thinks YANBU at all. But my niece has always had issues with pooing. Shes 10 and still on regular movicol.
At 4 she was still in nappies, didnt poo regularly, and when she did, moving her would have made her stop. So we had to put up with her pooing (in a nappy) wherever we were and then moving her to change her.

I guess if that were the case with your best friend's child though you'd know.

This is disgusting. A 4 year old child with no SN should not be in nappies.
School start is going to be fun. I hope your pal has plenty of free time on her hands as teachers won't change poo accidents and she will be called in

But this ignores the fact that a 4 year old is developmentally at a completely different stage from a 1 or 2 year old. A 2 year old in nappies who isn’t ready for potty training and doesn’t know or can’t say when they’re having a poo - yeah, I get that in that scenario, the parent might not realise until the deed is done (though should then of course take them off straight away to change them.) A 4 year old NT child has a different awareness of environment, those around them etc and should understand there are certain things which are private, and it’s demeaning to them for their parents to be so lazy to allow this sort of situation to happen. It’s really disrespectful to the child. A 4 year old shitting very obviously in front of others is not ok for them

I was as lentil weavery as they come but JFC a non-potty trained non-SEN child at 4 being allowed to take a long shit in the centre of the sitting room?!

Absolutely grim

I agree with you. The fact that the child was asked, "Have you finished", shows she knows when she is 'going'. Different if she had some sort of disability but op hasn't said that she has. It's seriously weird.

Aaah, bless him. It is a bit different then, as you say.