To have expected her to take the kid out when this happened?

Sorry I do judge. It should only be a tiny minority of children in nappies at 4 and if there’s a legitimate reason why the child isn’t trained the mother should be enforcing good nappy habits but no, in the vast majority of cases it’s not normal for 4 year olds to be in nappies and we shouldn’t be pretending it’s ok

If there are any issues with constipation (which seems quite likely given your description) then the absolutely last thing you want to be doing is interrupting if they’re about to start / have started.

It’s very much a ‘getting anything out at all is major, getting as much as possible out is vital’.

If you’ve never encountered this, then I can totally see how it seems ridiculous not to whisk her out. If keeping things moving is a major issue for your child then you’ll do pretty much to enable them to finish a bowel movement.

The problem is, you can't move a child mid bowel movement (different for a baby obviously) and for those saying it is obvious when a child needs to go, it isn't always obvious. This post was obviously going to turn the way it uas and is quite outing , if wouldnt surprise me if it ends up Facebook..

My daughter is 3.5 at a large nursery. Her room is pre-school so kids who will be starting school Sept 26. There are at least 30 there. I know of one child with Downs and another SEN child who is non verbal. All use the bathroom. No one is in nappies. So no I don’t think this is normal or acceptable.

Both mine potty trained at 2, theya re 7 and 4 now. My 4 yr old takes herself off to the loo. Wipes herself and only calls us if needs a poo check (so she's sure she's fully wiped as wiping is new) or to give us a detailed description of her spikey or sticky poo..

My eldest is sen and still while harder potty trained at 2. I just can't imagine a 4 yr old, (without significant sen, my nephew who is autistic with other learning difficulties at 4 was still in a nappy but even then my sister was trying) doing what's described.

Age 4 and still in nappies? Urgh. Sorry but that is disgusting. She should definitely have been taken to the bathroom.

I’d sure judge you, and harshly, if you had not had the decency to warn me that this was your idea of ok. Even then, that 4-year old child would want to have had developmental obstacles for any such occurrence to be alright with me.
As it is, you'd be doubly damned, for your rudeness as a guest, and for your approach to childrearing.

Maybe depends on how far away their bathroom is at home. We only have an upstairs loo so I didn’t try to take DD up there to poo, either when she was in nappies or early potty training. If we had a downstairs loo we might have. In fact I still let her go on the potty in the living room if she needs to go urgently as she can’t get upstairs quickly and I can’t carry her (she does have a disability). I would avoid the living room potty if we had company or were at someone’s house.

I think people are prepared to put up with this from babies but not older children. This friends has either got very poor judgement or very odd norms if she sees this as normal.

I think you’ve missed the point. A untrained baby shits in their nappy (and is often far smellier and gross than formed poo) so how would you stop babies shitting in your house apart from… not let them in?

obviously babies shitting in rooms is acceptable… in all homes

Certainly, if you were aware that this was acceptable behaviour in her own home!

Yeah- 18 months old or a little older.

If a 4 year old can’t be ushered out of the room when they very obviously start shitting without them thrashing, screaming and being hysterical, then that’s equally as much of a problem as the fact theyre still in nappies.

4 year old NT child. Same age as kids in school.

I can’t fathom the lack of respect for their own children’s dignity that some parents clearly have. It’s lazy and neglectful to allow your child to normalise this.

That friend wants to give her head a damn great wobble, not having warned you that this child is so very poorly advanced for her age.
This may well be how mealtimes are chez elle, but to expect someone else to accept this behaviour in their own home, where she is a bloody guest, is just outrageous.
An average child of four ought to be long out of nappies by now. This attitude of allowing your children to dictate matters absolutely revolts me. And not just because of horrible happenings like this.
It never happens in a void, strictly contained within the child’s family.
It will disrupt and slow down her classmates at school, and it very obviously spills out (😳) into the lives of strangers who surely don't expect small children like this to behave like two-year olds.
Not the kids’ fault of course, but my God where does this parenting ethos come from, and who benefits? Surely it can’t be the coddled kids.
You'd fear for a future society whose 25-year olds were still in nappies, and ‘free pooing’, at the age of four.

gawd I need a Valium after this!

Yeah, we get it. The fucking kid only 4
4.

Since it's apparently traumatising for a child to be picked up and moved mid-poo maybe they should all be fitted with castors till they're talented enough to take themselves off to the loo. You could wheel them out gently whilst they're bug-eyed and straining and everyone's happy.

Good god! 4 and in a nappy to poo? Couldn’t the mum have whisked the child to the toilet? How embarrassing and lazy. YANBU at all.

The ‘baby’ is 4!

It’s important to teach all children (even those with SEND) that pooing is something you do in private for a whole host of societal and safeguarding reasons. Preserving a child’s dignity even at four is important too.

Eh? How would you stop a baby shitting in your “lounge”- just refuse to let them in?

It's lazy parenting. I had all 3 of mine toilet trained day and night by 2.5 years. We were effectively house bound for a good week to get there but you get what effort you put in. I used to run a village playgroup and all the children who started (2 years 9 months was the minimum age they could start) were potty trained. It's horrifying that any child of 4(without SEN) is in a nappy. And I'd really judge your friend for it.

I don’t care if it was a hermetically sealed space suit. Don’t shit in my lounge.

Oh come on it was in a nappy 😂😂

Exactly. The low standards exhibited here are mind boggling.

Four years is far too old to squat and shit in public.

What have the educational needs of kids got to do with this? This isn't a school.

Barring developmental delays, medical issues or neurodiversity issues which cause issues with continence, the child should be toilet trained by now. But SEN is irrelevant in a non educational setting.

Someone shitting in my lounge is farfrom a “minor issue.”