To have expected her to take the kid out when this happened?

Very surprising. My youngest does have SEN but potty trained at 3 and before he did, he would take his nappy off to poo so we’d have to quickly put him on the toilet. In ways this was how and why he trained so quickly, he just couldn’t bear the thought of doing it in a nappy anymore.

I’m surprised this girl who doesn’t even have SEN is happy to brazenly do it in front of strangers. She needs training, I would be judging at that age personally and yes, the mum should have taken her out of the room.

It’s really not a good idea health wise to interrupt a poo by changing rooms. How about you try it? Start a poo in the downstairs loo, and then mid poo….go to the upstairs loo to finish.

This is not as easy as you think at 4.
now none of us know if this child has something going on but your post is about if there is something the child suffers with.
all my DC apart from 1 were trained at 2.
1 really struggled with opening bowels and it was very traumatic. We went to do the drs multiple times and was fobbed of for years with just more and more laxatives. Dc needed nappies no matter how hard we tried and then once the more and higher doses of laxatives happened they couldn’t control when they needed to go.
now has a stoma due to it actually being a very significant bowel condition that for years was labelled as toiletry withholding, poor diets , poor toilet training etc

Obviously assuming no additional needs but where’s the dignity in that? My 2yo (potty trained) would find that very embarrassing even and retreated for privacy from very young, like many little ones do. Poor kid doing that at 4 - and in front of friends.

YANBU.

Absolutely revolting and peak lazy parenting.

She’s not toilet trained (nursery age, not yet at school so not judging).

I'd be judging the hell out of that situation.

Yawn. I don't think it matters to be honest. If it was a 2 year old doing it most people would be fine with it, the age is a red herring. Should she be toilet trained? Maybe - but she's not.

The uproar about late toilet training is also short-sighted. People congratulate themselves on doing it before 4, or 3 even, but that's only because our current societal norms make you feel better. In many places and cultures the idea of any baby of any age shitting in their clothes is not the norm and they'd judge us here as lazy and disgusting for allowing it. Encouraging it, even.

So, you know, everything's relative.

Yep. They are so absolutely disgusting.

This. It's not acceptable. We've reached an all time low.

Parents just CBA. It's easier changing diapers that toilet training your child apparently

Or the Daily Mail.

Why can you not move a child mid poo? I had a fairly urgent one earlier (sorry if that is TMI), and managed to get to the bathroom in time. A NT four year old is capable of doing that.

It sounds like lazy parenting.

My DS moved up a room in nursery at 2yrs and 11 months old and he had to be potty trained at that point. Does she wear nappies at nursery?

Apologies, posted without reading the OP's last post re a pile on.

I think you were very restrained OP!

For those who keep banging on that maybe the child suffers from constipation and can’t be moved once they start shitting, then fgs the parents should manage things at home by teaching them the appropriate place to take a shit. If they have some toilet/ potty phobia, teach them to tell their parent or give a signal that they need to shit and the parent can take them to the bathroom to put on a pull up.

a few people still seem to keep missing the point that this is a NT 4 year old! They can speak!

Yeah I think it's quite outing and if the poor kid does have SEN or a medical need (and we don't know- it could easily be constipation) then it is very unpleasant how everyone is piling on. Unfortunately people on mumsnet are obsessed with toilet training!
If it was a friend of mind and their 4 year old wasn't toilet trained I'd assume there was an issue I wasn't aware of so I'd have a bit of compassion. I'd ask for this thread to be taken down OP.

Does her daughter suffer from constipation/holding in poo?

My friend's friend's daughter has struggles in this area. She'd never try to move her when she was trying to poo because she'd then immediately stop 🤷‍♀️

I think it's quite unusual for a child not to hide in some way though, even if they're not toilet trained (both of mine used to go behind the sofa to poo).

Anyway, it doesn't sound ideal, but I'd rather deal with the smell than a little kid be uncomfortable. Just open a window and light a candle.

Child knows they are pooing and not toilet trained, that explains it all, lazy parenting.

An age 4 poo is really gross. The child should be at least being taught to go to the bathroom to do it, even in a nappy. Even with SEN unless very severe.
She hasn't got much time before school starts to sort this out.
Yep really gross as age 4 is way too old to be shitting in public.

Well said.

My god, I wonder if the child carries on shitting at the dinner table or in a restaurant!!

If that’s the case then the parent should keep the child close to home until it’s capable of shitting without making a disgusting public spectacle.

An NT child in the situation you describe can tell their parent they need to poo and can go elsewhere to have a pull up put on.

YABU. I know some children who have, for many different reasons, struggled to do poos on the potty and parents had to resort to allowing nappy wearing for poos. Sometimes, when they are moved, they may stop pooing and then the problem persists.

I also refuse to believe your room stunk for quite some time after, considering the child was removed immediately and the nappy was changed.

I’m having a shit evening and this made me chuckle though my tears, thanks for the laugh ❤️

The important word is ‘baby’. This wasn't a baby by any stretch of the imagination!

But on the matter of babies, there was a time (and in recent memory) when nobody would have dreamed of changing a fouled nappy on a café table, yet there are those who stand on their presumed right to inflict that on patrons just as this woman’s mate thought her 4year old noxiously defecating in the middle of lunch was perfectly reasonable and not even worthy explanation or apology.
Maybe OP’s generation were ‘free shitting’ children too, hence this woman’s gobsmacking disregard for everyone else’s comfort. (Probably thinks ‘decorum’ is the name for a very small Roman coin)