Was my mum wrong to do this?

I don't think either of you were wrong.

It'd be a long 9 months if she couldn't talk to you about her problems and add to that the postpartum period, we're talking about a whole year.

Unfortunately life goes on when we're pregnant and we have to deal with all sorts of other things.

Sounds tough for both of you though.

I'd want my mum to be talking about something so significant with me and I'd want to support my parents. You weren't a child, you didn't need to be protected from your parents problems.

Your poor DM has no friends, no one to talk to, and her husband is suicidal….. I get you not wanting to hear it, but I think I’d be more worried than resentful in that situation.

I think bad timing, your mum needed support about your dad's problems when you were not in a position to take on anything else. If only listening/advice i expect your mum didnt think it was too much to ask as not anything practical needed. Of course it would be a huge stress for you and I csn understand why you would rather she managed herself.

Was this all 7 years ago or am I misreading?

It was just bad timing. You can’t be insulated from the rest of what’s going on with your family just because you had a baby. It’s sounds like both you and your mum both needed support from each other at the time, and both reasons were equally valid. It’s a shame your mum didn’t have anyone else she could get support from so that it wasn’t all on you though, and I hope you were able to get support elsewhere too.

This. 🙄

What is your relationship with your parents usually like? Would you usually discuss these kinds of things and support each other through hard times? If a close family member was going through a crisis I would expect to be informed and support them through it, it wasn’t a random stranger feeling suicidal it was your Dad! I wouldn’t think somebody being 6 months pregnant would be reason enough for them to need to be shielded from the reality, I would say your father being suicidal trumps pregnancy in terms of a major life crisis even if you did have GD.

That said, I can see it was a lot to put on you when you had a new baby and maybe it wasn’t the right time for your mum to be heavily leaning on you at that point, but equally she may have thought you’d want to be kept in the loop regarding your own father. Gently I do think you are being a bit selfish here, although I do agree your mum needs to widen her support network.

She was wrapped up in her own head. People get like that especially if they are lonely sometimes. The last thing you need to be doing is overanalyzing which if you was being unreasonable. It sounds like you were just both "full up" with what was in your heads at the time and didn't have the bandwidth for each other.

People can only give what they are capable of giving. No point getting sucked into apportioning blame now. It's almost universal that people attribute more "deliberateness" /calculation/ intention into others' actions than was actually there.

Neither of you are “wrong”.
Both of you had a lot going on.
Sadly it seems you didn’t get much support from her in your time of need and she must equally be without support.
Now that you’ve taken note of this, it might be a good time to set boundaries in your relationship so that both of you can get the support you deserve.

I disagree with everyone else. You were well. Your child was well. Why wouldn’t your mum share her worries about your dad. And why after 7 years are you thinking about this. I think it’s fine to discuss worries in a family. I don’t think she was asking you to support your dad or be therapy for her. She was treating you like an adult in her closest family. Would you expect your daughter to not share issues. And you to not share with her when she’s older. I think you’re wrong to think it’s inappropriate but others may think differently. I guess if you’re not close to your mum that would make a difference. I’d be ok with it. Pregnancy and motherhood is not something that renders you incapable of sympathy, empathy or listening skills.

If my dad had serious mental health problems and had been considering suicide, I’d want my mum to talk to me about it, however busy my own life was - both because he’s my dad and I love him and I’d want to know and do whatever I could to try to help, and because I’d want my mum to have somebody to talk to. She probably doesn’t think she’s burdening you with her “problems” - but it does sound as though she needs somebody to talk to about things more regularly so that she isn’t bottling it all up and then it all comes out at once when sh’s with you. Would she consider a therapist?

I don’t think your mum was wrong, and I don’t think you’re wrong for not wanting to hear about other people’s problems.

Personally however, unless you had particularly bad PND, I would personally feel that my Dad having suicidal thoughts “trumps” the new baby exhaustion

Has she always offloaded their issues onto you or is this only since your pregnancy. ?

Your mum shouldn't be burdening you with her problems, especially not during a complicated pregnancy and when you are a new mum with a newborn to look after.

You are not being unreasonable neither are you your mums therapist, you need to have a discussion with her telling her that confiding in you is inappropriate and your not trained to advise her and perhaps give her a list of therapists. Just be honest and say your uncomfortable with her, put clear boundaries in place or she will continue to overstep if your not forceful with her