AIBU to be upset when Mum's have been banned from my child's team tour?

why?

If you are the poster I think you are, there are various safeguarding concerns about this club and the men running it.

I genuinely don’t know why you haven’t found an alternative club for your child and a few of their friends to move to. You obviously aren’t the only parent seeing the red flags here. Act on them.

They said another male can attend. They'd even assign a guardian for those who don't have one. It's still important that the son of lesbian parents has access to protected time with other males.

So no dad's around then either

Some childrens clubs are, like Brownies for example. Dads arent allowed to attend meetings as helpers because it is a female only space. They can go in quickly for things such as seeing their child make their promise but need to leave immediately after.

Why because it is women who are excluded?

Yanbu.

im a LP and ds has g seen his dad since he was 2yo.

My dad was my mums carer because she had cancer and he has his own cancer now.

Id be raging if it meant my ds missed out because none of that is within his control.

They need to get on a tour bus to the 21st century!

I think it is about the going away tour element. If a parent showed up for a game, stood in the stands and went home, I can't see how they'd be able to police that. It seems to be about staying away for nights. Let it be a boys thing ffs.

So do I, but this is not one of those times.

And for those that have one parent or have lesbian or gay parents they should not be able to take their parent. WTF!

Not everyone has a mum and a dad you know and that's before we get into personal circumstances.

But surely that’s only pertinent if multiple parents (dads) are sharing with multiple children, say in a hostel dorm, for example… and which has huge safeguarding implications? On scouts and guides tours the sex of the leaders is irrelevant - the children are grouped together in their accommodation acc to sex and age, the leaders also share rooms according to their sex. Daytime activities take place regardless of the sex of the any of those involved.

There is no proportionate and reasonable excuse for mothers to be excluded from the entire trip, just the changing rooms or showers.. where, again, there should not be any adults present anyway for safeguarding reasons. And it penalises children who do not have dads around, or even a dad at all.

I'm also guessing it's rugby. My son played rugby very competitively throughout his teens and I always ensured I was reasonably close by in case of injury.
He had one serious concussion incident where I was able to get him medical help v quickly as a result.
I don't like the gender distinction full stop but I'd be asking to see the risk assessments for the trip.

I agree that sex matters in some contexts, and think that if you have a single sex sports team it is important for them to be of the same sex, but I struggle to see how those coming to support need to be of one or other sex.

It’s hard to think of any rationale that isn’t underpinned by sexist tropes.

You know women who act inappropriately around teenage boys? As in more than one woman? Bloody hell 😱
I agree that single sex environments aren’t always a bad thing but let’s not be so naive to think that rugby/cricket/football tours aren’t - for the majority of the time - a hot bed of misogyny. Statistically.

And also, again let’s be honest, girls need single sex spaces more than boys especially when it comes to sports.

I let my kids have a private coach/player relationship. Probably why my son is likely to play his sport internationally and at the top level.

This is 100% a rugby thing that the op must be talking about.

Having been a safeguarding office for kids rugby for many years, in your position I'd talk to their safeguarding person to be certain this isn't going to be a way of encouraging the boys to drink alcohol, or even drinking fake 'dirty pints' etc, as that's what it's sounding like to me, which is strictly against all rugby rules for kids.

Yes, if this is the case, this is dodgy as hell. No way would my child be involved in any of this.

I’m guessing rugby tour too. The rugby club my daughter goes to is open to all parents and most kids take both parents. We don’t go because it clashes with other things she has on. There is a huge drinking culture with it it seems so I wonder if the coaches are hoping for a male only booze up. Either way- not acceptable.

Ok. You are the mother where the coaches set up a WhatsApp group for the kids where they specifically excluded the parents. You were told, multiple times, that this is a breach of Safeguarding rules. The same coaches have again brought in rules that do the same thing. What is going to take for you to actually report this? These coaches clearly have no idea of their responsibilities. It needs to be taken to the FA, the RFU or whichever body is in charge of this sport. Stop passively moaning on mumsnet and start doing some to protect your and the others children.

To maintain a single sex environment.

See I disagree. I know women who for a variety of reasons, act inappropriately around teenage boys. They like the attention.

I also think that is perfectly possible to have a male environment that opposes misogyny and sexism. I also think that adult men can be as safety conscious and considerate as women when it comes to safeguarding children.

I think the idea that women have to be around children for it to be safe and healthy actually foists more of the caregiving responsibilities onto us.

Men should be able to create a healthy, safe space for boys. We need to let them.

This - am going to guess it’s rugby. Am pretty sure it’s illegal (discriminatory) to ban mothers. What if a child doesn’t have a father? Why should their mum be excluded on the basis of her sex?

I think the difference between no dads on a daughters tour and no mums on a sons tour is, let’s be honest, the boys tour is going to foster an atmosphere of misogyny, sexism and no worries about safety whereas men on a girls tour is going to have concerns about safety. Let’s at least be honest about that.
My ds went on a football tour to US when he was 14 - boys/male teachers only and what he told me went on and the kind of behaviour that was deemed acceptable was actually quite shocking. But, you know, boys…🙄
I would be far less worried about a mum going on a boys tour than I would be about a man going on a girls tour which is actually really sad and probably shows more about the kind of men I have come across. I wish I didn’t feel like this.

I'm guessing rugby tour. Have known of ones where more dads than boys end up going.

No.