Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset when Mum's have been banned from my child's team tour?

190 replies

Momoftwoscallywags · 08/11/2025 10:39

I have previously posted that my DS (13 years old) plays a team sport and that his team have had some new coaches this season.

Recently, the usual tour details were posted by one of the new coaches and it was stated that Mum's shouldn't be going on tour, as apparently this is traditional in this particular sport? And that if Dad's couldn't go, and you didn't want your child going alone, then an appropriate male guardian would be acceptable in their place.

Well, as you could image this has caused an up roar and did lead to a last minute change of heart by the coaches but I get the impression that the coaches didn't do this willingly and that they were told to do so by the club, but I am not 100% sure of this.

So now there are no Mum's on this tour and, shockingly, some of the kids haven’t been able to go on the tour because of their personal circumstances.
And, setting aside all the gender discrimination in this situation, it is this which I truly think is the most upsetting part of it all, as team sport should be for all kids and the coaches should be bending over backwards to make this happen for every kid, regardless of circumstances.

OP posts:
Brainworm · 08/11/2025 11:20

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:17

Sure. I am all for tours when anyone can go. I can also understand why some might be restricted by sex.

With club tours where a child needs to be accompanied by an adult, I cannot see any circumstance where it would be appropriate to specify whether mums or dads should accompany. What do you have in mind?

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:18

bridgetreilly · 08/11/2025 11:13

So how do you know who is in the WhatsApp group?

What whatsapp group?

Op: other people have alluded to a whstsapp group of this team where parents weren't allowed.

My son's team: I said I am not in it. I dont know about other parents.

WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 08/11/2025 11:18

Guessing it’s rugby. It’s a single sex space which is quite justifiable.

Aintnosunshinenowitsgone · 08/11/2025 11:18

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 10:45

Would it be bonkers if they didnt want dads going away with a girls' netball team?

One of the dad's runs my daughters netball club. He's been amazing.

Mustreadabook · 08/11/2025 11:17

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 10:45

Would it be bonkers if they didnt want dads going away with a girls' netball team?

Yes it would be.

hardstareglare · 08/11/2025 11:17

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:16

Lots. Just like a mum can be a positive influence on other people's children.

So why can't mum's go then

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:17

Brainworm · 08/11/2025 11:16

Back in the day I went on a couple of rugby tours with my son. I think the mixed sex parent group was welcomed by a number of dads, and there were plenty of women propping up the bar when the less ‘up for it’ mixed sex crowd retired to their beds at a ‘sensible time’ each evening.

Sure. I am all for tours when anyone can go. I can also understand why some might be restricted by sex.

hardstareglare · 08/11/2025 11:16

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:16

You have to let your kid be coached by the coaches. Stepping back is how you do that. My son is talented but unless he was coached, he wouldn't be good at his sport. I can't coach him. His coaches can.

So why do dad's need to involved then?

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:16

hardstareglare · 08/11/2025 11:15

What can a Dad of another kid bring to the OP's kid. They should absoultely nothing to do with other people's kids.

Lots. Just like a mum can be a positive influence on other people's children.

Brainworm · 08/11/2025 11:16

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:08

I think it is about the going away tour element. If a parent showed up for a game, stood in the stands and went home, I can't see how they'd be able to police that. It seems to be about staying away for nights. Let it be a boys thing ffs.

Back in the day I went on a couple of rugby tours with my son. I think the mixed sex parent group was welcomed by a number of dads, and there were plenty of women propping up the bar when the less ‘up for it’ mixed sex crowd retired to their beds at a ‘sensible time’ each evening.

Hakunapatata · 08/11/2025 11:16

Some of the mums at our rugby club are FAR more fun than the dads!!

hardstareglare · 08/11/2025 11:16

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:15

They will likely be in a group so having interaction with the entire group of males to some extent.

They shouldn't be.

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:16

Zhu · 08/11/2025 11:14

No, your son is clearly very talented and that’s why he has a chance of ongoing involvement in the sport.

Allowing children to have private relationships with coaches is how you end up with the kind of abuse that happened in UK gymnastics.

You have to let your kid be coached by the coaches. Stepping back is how you do that. My son is talented but unless he was coached, he wouldn't be good at his sport. I can't coach him. His coaches can.

hardstareglare · 08/11/2025 11:15

What can a Dad of another kid bring to the OP's kid. They should absoultely nothing to do with other people's kids.

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:15

hardstareglare · 08/11/2025 11:14

That's the club though.
The other dad's won't be allowed to have any contact with other kids will they.
That would be a safe guarding issue.
They are there as supporters and guardians for their own kid.

Nothing more. Sex is not important in this.

Presumably other dad's won't be sharing accomodation with boys that are not their own? That would also be a safe guarding issue.

They will likely be in a group so having interaction with the entire group of males to some extent.

Zhu · 08/11/2025 11:14

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:05

I let my kids have a private coach/player relationship. Probably why my son is likely to play his sport internationally and at the top level.

No, your son is clearly very talented and that’s why he has a chance of ongoing involvement in the sport.

Allowing children to have private relationships with coaches is how you end up with the kind of abuse that happened in UK gymnastics.

hardstareglare · 08/11/2025 11:14

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:12

Because the influence and guidance of adults of the same sex is important to everyone.

That's the club though.
The other dad's won't be allowed to have any contact with other kids will they.
That would be a safe guarding issue.
They are there as supporters and guardians for their own kid.

Nothing more. Sex is not important in this.

Presumably other dad's won't be sharing accomodation with boys that are not their own? That would also be a safe guarding issue.

bridgetreilly · 08/11/2025 11:13

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:12

No but I can read the OP

So how do you know who is in the WhatsApp group?

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:12

bridgetreilly · 08/11/2025 11:11

Are you the OP?

No but I can read the OP

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:12

hardstareglare · 08/11/2025 11:10

why?

Because the influence and guidance of adults of the same sex is important to everyone.

bridgetreilly · 08/11/2025 11:11

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:11

No they arent.

Are you the OP?

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:11

bridgetreilly · 08/11/2025 11:10

So, they are deliberately excluding kids with absent fathers, disabled fathers, complex custody arrangements, and dead fathers. No, that’s not okay in anyone’s world.

No they arent.

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:11

hardstareglare · 08/11/2025 11:09

So no dad's around then either

They don't have anything which restricts attendance to just fathers/male supporters but I'd be perfectly fine if they did. I am not in the team whatsapp group. I dont think any parents are.

ExtraOnions · 08/11/2025 11:10

Why are parents going on Sports Tours with 13 year olds ? Can they not just go to the matches without being part of an official “tour”

bridgetreilly · 08/11/2025 11:10

So, they are deliberately excluding kids with absent fathers, disabled fathers, complex custody arrangements, and dead fathers. No, that’s not okay in anyone’s world.

Swipe left for the next trending thread