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Original poster

AIBU to be upset when Mum's have been banned from my child's team tour?

190 replies

Momoftwoscallywags · 08/11/2025 10:39

I have previously posted that my DS (13 years old) plays a team sport and that his team have had some new coaches this season.

Recently, the usual tour details were posted by one of the new coaches and it was stated that Mum's shouldn't be going on tour, as apparently this is traditional in this particular sport? And that if Dad's couldn't go, and you didn't want your child going alone, then an appropriate male guardian would be acceptable in their place.

Well, as you could image this has caused an up roar and did lead to a last minute change of heart by the coaches but I get the impression that the coaches didn't do this willingly and that they were told to do so by the club, but I am not 100% sure of this.

So now there are no Mum's on this tour and, shockingly, some of the kids haven’t been able to go on the tour because of their personal circumstances.
And, setting aside all the gender discrimination in this situation, it is this which I truly think is the most upsetting part of it all, as team sport should be for all kids and the coaches should be bending over backwards to make this happen for every kid, regardless of circumstances.

OP posts:
WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 08/11/2025 11:43

CautiousLurker2 · 08/11/2025 11:42

Yes it is - but excluding mothers from accompanying their sons on sports trips is not the only way to provide them, is it? Not is it the role of a single sports coach to decide how that male role modelling is provided to children that are not theirs.

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But if it was girls and mums only nobody would be batting an eye!!

CautiousLurker2 · 08/11/2025 11:42

WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 08/11/2025 11:37

Well, it is.

Its really important for boys to have strong male role models.

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Yes it is - but excluding mothers from accompanying their sons on sports trips is not the only way to provide them, is it? Not is it the role of a single sports coach to decide how that male role modelling is provided to children that are not theirs.

Fluffyblackcat7 · 08/11/2025 11:42

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 10:45

Would it be bonkers if they didnt want dads going away with a girls' netball team?

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Yes!

CautiousLurker2 · 08/11/2025 11:41

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:33

Its the belief that as the "real" parent, mums' should never be excluded. The same women complain that they're seen as the default parent, though.

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What a load of bollocks. Noone is stating that only mums are real parents. You are really reaching. However, many mums have as much right to share in and bond with their sons over their sports as male parents and in a time when 1/3 of children are raised in single parent homes or alternating at weekends between parents post divorce, excluding either parent on the basis od their sex ultimately means the child suffers.

Oh, and further to another PP’s comment above… within both the amateur and professional game, there are LOTS of female coaches in rugby, football and cricket. And many refs/umpires are female too. Mind-blowing, right?

hardstareglare · 08/11/2025 11:41

wombat1a · 08/11/2025 11:38

Don't see the problem here, they are creating a single sex environment for a sports trip away. If it was for a girls team I would also support banning the dads from that.

You are assuming the coaches are always going to be the same sex as the team. This an outdated view.

Rexinasaurus · 08/11/2025 11:40

Just say you identify as a man. They can’t stop you.

WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 08/11/2025 11:40

hardstareglare · 08/11/2025 11:38

Well that is true but irrelevant to this tour discussion.
One size doesn't fit all.

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So if there were to be a girls only tour you’d presumably be as up in arms?

GiveafuckGertrude · 08/11/2025 11:39

My DS doesn’t have a dad, I’d be fucking raging about this. Not only the misogyny but also it being highlighted to him that he’s one of the only ones without a dad whilst watching all the other kids with their dads. I’d be pulling him from the whole team and telling all the coaches to go fuck themselves (or the precious team dads)

Brainworm · 08/11/2025 11:38

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:34

That single sex spaces are positive environments, too. It strengthens the son/dad or mum/daughter relationship, too.

Why do you think you feel so aggrieved at the thought of boys having group time with their dad's and other adult males without their mothers' involved?

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I don’t feel aggrieved by single sex groupings and activities. Dads and mums can organise these.

Where a club plans an annual tour, there are many reasons, including the law, for not excluding parents (and, in turn, their children) because of their sex.

wombat1a · 08/11/2025 11:38

Don't see the problem here, they are creating a single sex environment for a sports trip away. If it was for a girls team I would also support banning the dads from that.

hardstareglare · 08/11/2025 11:38

WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 08/11/2025 11:37

Well, it is.

Its really important for boys to have strong male role models.

Show quote history

Well that is true but irrelevant to this tour discussion.
One size doesn't fit all.

WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 08/11/2025 11:38

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:36

Yes it is sad that women are so sensitive about not being included in everything..

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It’s also an opportunity for young men to build strong relationships with male role models who they then feel comfortable to reach out to if they’re struggling mentally (which is common amongst young men) but apparently some mums can’t stand that

WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 08/11/2025 11:37

CautiousLurker2 · 08/11/2025 11:36

It’s not a male only single space is it? It’s a sports trip, not a spiritual retreat at a monastery. The only single sex space involved is the changing room and showers [and perhaps the dormitories unless the boys share with their parents] - which absolutely should remain SS and also be supervised in a way that safeguards the children using them….ie NO adult males present. So whether the accompanying parent is male or female is totally irrelevant.

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Well, it is.

Its really important for boys to have strong male role models.

ApplebyArrows · 08/11/2025 11:36

"If it was girls ... ?" - well, it's not girls, is it? There are valid concerns about some men sexually abusing 13-year-old girls. The number of middle-aged mothers who might want to sexually abuse 13-year-old boys must be almost vanishingly small!

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:36

WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 08/11/2025 11:35

100%. A male space is actually really good and they should be encouraged

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Yes it is sad that women are so sensitive about not being included in everything..

CautiousLurker2 · 08/11/2025 11:36

WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 08/11/2025 11:32

Crazy that there’s all this indignation at a male only single sex space, but a women’s only single sex space must be respected

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It’s not a male only single space is it? It’s a sports trip, not a spiritual retreat at a monastery. The only single sex space involved is the changing room and showers [and perhaps the dormitories unless the boys share with their parents] - which absolutely should remain SS and also be supervised in a way that safeguards the children using them….ie NO adult males present. So whether the accompanying parent is male or female is totally irrelevant.

WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 08/11/2025 11:36

Brainworm · 08/11/2025 11:35

There needs to be a legitimate reason for having any single sex provision. Where single sex is a proportionate means to achieving a legitimate aim, this should be provided.

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The creation of a single sex space is considered to be a legitimate reason.

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:35

EarthlyNightshade · 08/11/2025 11:33

No sport with decent safeguarding would allow this.

Putting your children at this kind of risk is not worth it to get them to international level.

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A lot of parents just don't dominate every area of their children's lives and we actually let them have personal relationships with other people.

Brainworm · 08/11/2025 11:35

WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 08/11/2025 11:32

Crazy that there’s all this indignation at a male only single sex space, but a women’s only single sex space must be respected

Show quote history

There needs to be a legitimate reason for having any single sex provision. Where single sex is a proportionate means to achieving a legitimate aim, this should be provided.

WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 08/11/2025 11:35

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:33

Its the belief that as the "real" parent, mums' should never be excluded. The same women complain that they're seen as the default parent, though.

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100%. A male space is actually really good and they should be encouraged

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:34

Brainworm · 08/11/2025 11:32

In that case, the tour organisers need to lay out the behaviours required of parents. Why should every mum or dad be excluded based on the unacceptable behaviour of one individual.

Excluding all males or females needs to be a proportionate means to achieve a legitimate aim. What is the legitimate aim for excluding all mums or dads from attending a tour?

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That single sex spaces are positive environments, too. It strengthens the son/dad or mum/daughter relationship, too.

Why do you think you feel so aggrieved at the thought of boys having group time with their dad's and other adult males without their mothers' involved?

hardstareglare · 08/11/2025 11:33

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:33

Its the belief that as the "real" parent, mums' should never be excluded. The same women complain that they're seen as the default parent, though.

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Are you the coach?

EarthlyNightshade · 08/11/2025 11:33

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:05

I let my kids have a private coach/player relationship. Probably why my son is likely to play his sport internationally and at the top level.

No sport with decent safeguarding would allow this.

Putting your children at this kind of risk is not worth it to get them to international level.

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:33

WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 08/11/2025 11:32

Crazy that there’s all this indignation at a male only single sex space, but a women’s only single sex space must be respected

Show quote history

Its the belief that as the "real" parent, mums' should never be excluded. The same women complain that they're seen as the default parent, though.

Brainworm · 08/11/2025 11:32

JadeSquid · 08/11/2025 11:27

No, I know that woman, and I know there will be others like her. I've just seen her in action. It is about the possibility of there being an adult who acts inappropriately with the children, especially outside of formal sporting time and where there may be drinking and the like.

Edited
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In that case, the tour organisers need to lay out the behaviours required of parents. Why should every mum or dad be excluded based on the unacceptable behaviour of one individual.

Excluding all males or females needs to be a proportionate means to achieve a legitimate aim. What is the legitimate aim for excluding all mums or dads from attending a tour?

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