AIBU to be upset when Mum's have been banned from my child's team tour?

@MajorProcrastination
@Momoftwoscallywags didn’t come back to say what happened

This sucks! I have rugby playing children and husband so we've had plenty of tours through the years. None of them at mini and juniors level have been dads/men only. It's a great way for parents to get to know each other. We've got plenty of single parents in the team, there are some with complicated home lives who would really struggle if this was a rule.

The mums and nans and aunts and foster mums help the team and the club in so many different ways so of course we'll be on a tour that we've helped fundraise, of course we'll be watching our children play a game or tournament on tour after driving them to training and matches all season, of course we'll be joining them on the tour after weekends of selling tea cooking bacon sandwiches. (We also have dads helping in the kitchen and at events).

What about the mum who's the team medic? Could she go?!

It's different when they're at youth level and they're 17 and 18, honestly I don't want to go on that one so they can crack on without me! But that's just players and coaches anyway.

The op had a thread last month about a WhatsApp group set up by coaches with the children. No parents on the group. She was told multiple times that this breached all kinds of safeguarding rules.

@Momoftwoscallywags
Did you report the completely inappropriate WhatsApp group to the club’s safeguarding officer?

Keeping a single sexed environment is one way to minimise the likelihood of inappropriate behaviour.

It’s discriminatory and I would question if this is even legal? Club should be reported and I would find somewhere else rather than be involved with such a sexist team!

But this applies to all genders of adults and children. The coaches/organisers are responsible for safeguarding of all concerned and there should be no possibility of a situation on a kids’ sports tour where opportunity arises for this kind of issue to be a problem. It’s literally their job to prevent it (yes volunteer or otherwise). Coaches have safeguarding qualifications for a reason. Other adults on a kids’ tour do not and will likely overstep many boundaries (possibly unknowingly) but this has nothing to do with the gender of those adults.

Well i wouldnt want a load of men going on a girls netball trip with my daughter to be honest. Why cant your child go on his own? Hes in secondary school. Do they stay over? How many nights?

Does your child want you there?

@Momoftwoscallywags but you said in your op they've had a change of heart and are now letting Moms go....

Yes. I think we have this dynamic where we have to justify single sex spaces on the basis of "if men join they will rape us" etc.

There are definitely cases where physical safety is a concern justifying single sex space, but it's not relevant in every case.

I'm in a book club which is defacto a ladies night where we talk about the book but also relationships, family, personal issues etc. Every now and then someone invites a man and the dynamic is just... not the same. I don't think any of the men are going to sexually assault me. I just find it annoying that they are there and changing the vibe.

Coaches wanted dads only because they think having mums around will put a dampener on the massive piss up that is the average rugby tour. Unfortunately a lot of clubs only pay lip service to safeguarding and underage drinking, porn, and generally appalling behaviour is not only tolerated but encouraged. Because lads will be lads and what happens on tour stays on tour. I remember my brother regaling me with stories of the porn videos that were shown on the coach. He was 12.

This makes me so profoundly glad that neither DS is into rugby.

For my sons sports teams the parents always go on the tour. It's very common in rugby.

I think it's fine to have a single sex space. The dynamic is different than a mixed sex space and that's ok and sometimes desired/desirable for both sexes.

And as we all know, a clear DBS just means the holder hasn't been caught doing anything.

I'm not sure I understand why it is important for young boys to be in the sole company of a group of men who just happen to be the dads of boys on a team.

I presume these people are DBS checked but even still.

Yes if the dads were accompanying and supporting their daughters...

Do you understand why it might be important for a group of young boys to have a strong relationship with some other males?

"The tour is in the next county over and would involve a 4 to 5 hour round trip for the Mum to go and support a game at pitch side."

This is what I assumed

You're reading the thread, so please answer: what happened about the WhatsApp group? I suspect the answer is nothing because the coaches are suggesting something else dodgy. And if you have more concerns, twice in one month, that the coaches are breaking Safeguarding rules, why in the name of God have you not reported them?

friend who lived on my street was also a single parent and she went with her son on the rugby tour

she was the only mother

on the last night they did a secret Santa type gift thing and in front of the men, she unwrapped a huge dildo that they had given to her. She came back and told me this and was actually quite pissed off (didn’t show it at the time). Men on these stupid tours can be complete cocks. It’s just an excuse for drinking and juvenile behaviour. They just don’t want women around. Amazed this bloke has the audacity to say it though.

Indeed. When my DD was into iceskating and doing comps my DH took her every time as he was comfortable with driving all over the country and all hours. No need to go into the female changing rooms even as her sole parent/guardian. Lots of dads accompanied their daughter alone - mums at home with other siblings like me. Dad’s take their daughters to cricket all the time at the club where DH coaches too.

Absolutely.