Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL not sleeping over our house being too cold

360 replies

lilseb · 07/11/2025 23:45

We have a 5mo baby. We've just moved into our property which has an EPC C and insulated/double glazing, but since the weather's turned cold we've found our bedroom is far too cold, unsure why and we want to get a specialist in. We are a bit sparse with heating but we put it on morning and evening to heat house up to 16c, we top up in the day if its especially cold and use heaters/fireplace in certain rooms we use more so they're warmer than the 16c (including said bedroom but this was not effective). The rest of the house is fine except this one room. Me and baby are now sleeping in spare room which is much warmer. Baby is in recommended vest sleepsuit and 2.5-3.5 tog sleeping bag for the weather.

MIL is convinced the issue is we don't put the heating on enough and having arguments with my husband about it. She's said its not good enough that we're using our dyson for heating or that me and baby have switched room and we need to have the heating on more, and she thinks 16c is too cold. She has told me and my husband separately that she is so worried about our house she's not sleeping, citing worries for my husband's asthma and our child's health. The latter has upset me because I'm trying to follow the recommended advice for temperature and I wouldn't risk my child's welfare. Husband says I'm being over sensitive, and I know she probably doesn't mean to imply it, but I do think she should be thinking through what she says.

Husband is a tightarse and I frequently ignore his moaning and switch heating on anyway - however we both feel that the issue with the bedroom is not the heating, and that we think 16c is a reasonable temperature that will keep us healthy and should keep house in good condition. I don't know if I get especially warm but I woke up last night feeling too hot and room temperature was 17c. My husband similarly is ok with cooler temperatures.

My view is its our house and our baby and MIL has said her piece so now needs to reign it in. AIBU? I know she's grandmother and I can't stop her worrying but we're already navigating a new house and new baby and could do without her rattling me. I had a conversation with her earlier which was pleasant and constructive enough and I'm hoping will nip some of this in the bud, but I don't know whether to be tougher if there's a next time.

OP posts:
vellichoria · 08/11/2025 05:57

16 is far too cold for me. No number of jumpers and cups of tea would make me comfortable at that temperature. I don’t know how long your MIL is staying but it isn’t unreasonable for her to tell her son that it’s cold in the house.

Nightlight8 · 08/11/2025 05:53

youalright · 08/11/2025 00:03

What are you doing pissing about with all these heaters and fires and getting workmen round to see why your house is cold put the bloody heating on and at a normal temperature like 20. It sound miserable thats not a home.

😂

Mapletree1985 · 08/11/2025 05:47

lilseb · 07/11/2025 23:45

We have a 5mo baby. We've just moved into our property which has an EPC C and insulated/double glazing, but since the weather's turned cold we've found our bedroom is far too cold, unsure why and we want to get a specialist in. We are a bit sparse with heating but we put it on morning and evening to heat house up to 16c, we top up in the day if its especially cold and use heaters/fireplace in certain rooms we use more so they're warmer than the 16c (including said bedroom but this was not effective). The rest of the house is fine except this one room. Me and baby are now sleeping in spare room which is much warmer. Baby is in recommended vest sleepsuit and 2.5-3.5 tog sleeping bag for the weather.

MIL is convinced the issue is we don't put the heating on enough and having arguments with my husband about it. She's said its not good enough that we're using our dyson for heating or that me and baby have switched room and we need to have the heating on more, and she thinks 16c is too cold. She has told me and my husband separately that she is so worried about our house she's not sleeping, citing worries for my husband's asthma and our child's health. The latter has upset me because I'm trying to follow the recommended advice for temperature and I wouldn't risk my child's welfare. Husband says I'm being over sensitive, and I know she probably doesn't mean to imply it, but I do think she should be thinking through what she says.

Husband is a tightarse and I frequently ignore his moaning and switch heating on anyway - however we both feel that the issue with the bedroom is not the heating, and that we think 16c is a reasonable temperature that will keep us healthy and should keep house in good condition. I don't know if I get especially warm but I woke up last night feeling too hot and room temperature was 17c. My husband similarly is ok with cooler temperatures.

My view is its our house and our baby and MIL has said her piece so now needs to reign it in. AIBU? I know she's grandmother and I can't stop her worrying but we're already navigating a new house and new baby and could do without her rattling me. I had a conversation with her earlier which was pleasant and constructive enough and I'm hoping will nip some of this in the bud, but I don't know whether to be tougher if there's a next time.

16 degrees sounds about right to me. I like a cooler house. Winter can be hard for me because so many people crank up the heating and get annoyed when I open a window.

Keepoffmyartichokes · 08/11/2025 05:45

Just wanted to say we have a cold house and found using a dehumidifier worked wonders. It turned out the humidity in the house was high. We ran a dehumidifier in every room for hours and it made a huge difference.

Girlintheframe · 08/11/2025 05:44

Imo 16 is far far too cold. I would never want to be in a house that cold and would feel genuinely ill. It might be okay overnight when you are all tucked up in bed and I understand you don’t want your baby to get too hot but that kind of temp as a matter of course is way too cold. Our house is between 20-22 during the day. No heating on overnight. Being cold is a miserable way to live.

99bottlesofkombucha · 08/11/2025 05:37

lilseb · 08/11/2025 00:07

Yes, I've mentioned our room is 17c. 16c is our minimum

Show quote history

You mentioned your room was 17… and that’s too hot for you.
newsflash, it’s not too hot for your baby.

3luckystars · 08/11/2025 05:37

What an absolute misery. Why are you getting a ‘specialist’ in. If you don’t turn the heating on, the house will be cold.

Which it is.

I’m at work now, on a break during a night shift and this post has made me feel so happy again, I am so absolutely delighted that I can afford to have my heating on and not living in a miserable cold house.
Thank God for my job.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 08/11/2025 05:31

I don't mind having my house on the cold side and wouldn't be particularly uncomfortable at 16-18 degrees. My DC don't seem to notice either. Its definitely too cold for some people though and SIL and DM sit around in coats until I turn the heating up (which i do for their benefit). I also like to make sure the house isn't damp so I make sure I run it fir a while if we've been away to get it up to a decent temp but I also open windows at night for ventilation.

Your MIL is being over dramatic and if she's not living there its none of her business. You will all be fine, no one will perish in a slightly cooler house. In fact it's probably healthier than being in a stuffy over-heated house.

Crankyaboutfood · 08/11/2025 05:27

MadameSzyszkoBohusz · 07/11/2025 23:52

It’s too cold, your MIL is right.

agree. it’s nuts.

hattie43 · 08/11/2025 05:26

All this to intermittent heating is silly . You have a young baby so for goodness sake put the heating on properly . 16c is uncomfortable for most people

Springtimehere · 08/11/2025 05:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Shoxfordian · 08/11/2025 05:20

Your mil is right, your house is too cold

Turn the heating up to 21 all day, boost it to 24 if chilly

Middlechild3 · 08/11/2025 05:16

In Scandinavia they leave babies outside in prams in winter, by design and they are just fine. Do whats comfortable for you. My heating isn't even on yet as its so mild, I also sea swim so don't feel the cold much. All the temperatures quoted here are making me sweat. And who can honestly tell a 2 degree difference between 16C and 18C lol

Mothership4two · 08/11/2025 04:53

ThatBlackCat · 08/11/2025 04:09

To me (I'm in Australia) 16c is freezing! We all have the heaters on at that level. 24c is comfortable.

Yeah and here in the UK

Mothership4two · 08/11/2025 04:53

That's too cold. I did a quitck Google and:

"Public Health England (PHE) and the Welsh Government recommend a minimum indoor temperature of 18°C for healthy individuals to avoid health risks. For more vulnerable groups like the very young, old, or sick, the recommended temperature is higher at 20°C... But in bedrooms at night it is recommended between 16−18°".

However "Health organisations, including the NHS and Asthma + Lung UK, suggest: Living room: Aim for around 21°C during the day. Bedroom: A temperature of at least 18°C is recommended, especially for vulnerable individuals. Temperatures below 16°C in the home can increase the risk of respiratory issues, including exacerbating asthma symptoms"

So Mil is right it's too cold particularly during the day for you but especially for your baby and OH - and her if she is elderly. Sounds like OH should not be sleeping in that freezing bedroom either.

maryjane12 · 08/11/2025 04:25

I'm lolling at all the dangers of overheating. In many countries, 24 degrees is a regular temp in winter, they all survive quite well. Just dress appropriately, use a fan or air/con if available. But even I, who hates the heat would find 16 degrees very low for a cold winters night. We tend to run our air/con on 22 degrees all year round. Unless it's just a naturally perfect day, which happens quite often.

ThatBlackCat · 08/11/2025 04:09

To me (I'm in Australia) 16c is freezing! We all have the heaters on at that level. 24c is comfortable.

ThatBlackCat · 08/11/2025 04:08

I don't understand the question. The title complains that your MIL isn't sleeping over (staying overnight at your house?) because it's too cold? So she refuses to stay over?

user2848502016 · 08/11/2025 03:58

16c is cold! Our house is a fairly standard 3 bed semi with good insulation but feels freezing once the thermostat says 17 or lower. In fact we set the thermostat to 16 overnight because it hardly ever gets that cold! We have the heating on twice a day with the thermostat set to 20

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 08/11/2025 03:58

Your house sounds freezing. 16-18 degrees in the day in cold for a house. 21 is more normal.

HeyThereDelila · 08/11/2025 03:54

16c is far too cold and not warm enough for a baby. Your house should be a consistent 21c - especially in baby’s bedroom and sitting room.

supersonicginandtonic · 08/11/2025 03:52

I haven't even put my heating on yet this year and still gave windows open in most rooms. I thought it was still very mild outside. 🙈

PruthePrune · 08/11/2025 03:40

Next post from OP will be one wondering why her baby has always got chest infections/coughing.

itispersonal · 08/11/2025 03:29

16c during the day is a low temperature, ok for night time and under blankets and sleeping (that’s what our thermostat is set too overnight) but 16 when out of bed is COLD! I’d be wanting my house minimum 18-19 during the day, after warming it up first thing to 20c, and possibly 19-20 again from about 4pm til bedtime.

As others have said putting heaters in one room is probably more expensive than just having the heating on more and at 18/19c.

FreshCarnations · 08/11/2025 03:21

Gettingbysomehow · 08/11/2025 03:05

What did we do in the 60s, 70s and 80s then in fact for centuries before heating was invented? I remember being a small child on my grandparents farm where I spent my early years, there was no central heating at all and there was ice on the inside of the single glazed windows in the morning. It was absolutely arctic, there was only a coal fire in the living room and that's it. We just bundled up.
I lived in a house with no heating upstairs when I had DS in the 80s. We had an electric heater which was put on when changing his nappy and getting him dressed and again no double glazing. This was rural Bedfordshire. If it snowed I dragged a mattress downstairs into the dining room which did have a radiator and we slept in there.
Many people lived like this in the countryside. 16 degrees would have been luxury. Even when we subsequently moved to London in the late 60s there was no proper heating, single glazed windows and also rats. You just got used to it.
I never have the heating on at night now, I'd never sleep. It would make me ill.

That's true, fair enough. That was a necessity for you during those times. Wasn't good for your health I imagine.

Not the optimum situation though if you have the means, as the OP has?