Anyone else in office until 6 with long commute and young kids ? How do you do it ?

When I got my job contract, I asked to amend my hours to do 8 -4.30 rather than the standard ones of 9 to 5.45. I squeezed my lunch break down and started earlier. (Not that I ever really take even that 45 mins for lunch).
I could not have accepted the job without the adaption.

That's the situation for most people I know, only on MN do people work 9 to 5 and need 2 adults for bad and bedtime.

In real life, between shifts, commuting and normal office hours it's the reality for most people.

Ideally, making arrangements so it's not 5 days a week. For the remaining days:

Nurseries are never opened that late, so childminders, nannies or au-pair.
If you commute, it's also the only way as trains are never on time. Childminders are a life saver.

or one parent take a big step down and works locally or part-time. How do people think parents do it?

Can you start work earlier? Where I work I have 3 days with a 1 hr commute each way, I work 8.30-4.30 so I pick up at 5.40 usually. Everyone else does 9-5 but I agreed these hours with my manager before starting.

@opali ARE YOU GOING TO REPLY TO ANY OF THE SUGGESTIONS OR QUESTIONS RE YOUR DH??

This job is just not an option for you unless you can afford/are willing to pay for the Nanny.

The only thing you can do is ask them for accomodation, and if they refuse fing another job.

Fyi, my husband has a very strict company policy regarding working hours as well, but they do allow flexible working when a formal request is put in. So it's not impossible they will accommodate yours hours, maybe check around with your co-workers.

Almost everyone I know who is in this boat with both parents working full time does one of these 3 things (or a combination of all 3):

Grandparent help

Stagger working day so one parent goes in early and and one starts late. WFH helps hugely with this too and many friends stagger their WFH days with their partner for childcare reasons.

Throws money at it and has a full time nanny and/or afterschool club, breakfast club, holiday club, childminder etc

I don’t think it’s possible otherwise!

What does your husband do that he can't get home until 9pm? Does he start late? Surely that's no life at all. I think that's your main issue here. Either your husband is hugely inefficient at work, or he's choosing to stay late to miss out on the stress of family life...

The days I work later in the office are the days my husband is WFH. So there is someone in when they get home from school. To be fair, mine are a good bit older than yours and when they were very wee I didn’t work for the same reason- logistically I couldn’t make it work. In those days (pre Covid) my husband was also doing 5 days in the office, and at various points in his career, shifts!

I think you need to ask your new job if there is flexibility. Sometimes it pays to stay in jobs where there is a family friendly culture - at least until they are a bit older.

If your DH genuinely can’t get home until 8.30 it is really pushing the envelope for you to have a job 90 mins commute away. Even if it was genuinely 9-5 you would still need to have a nanny until 6.30 at earliest. Expecting you would always be able to start and THEN get agreement at a 4.20 finish daily was somewhat unrealistic.

6pm is not, on the grand scheme of things, late and a pretty common end of day in professional roles. It is the fact you have a long commute and are essentially behaving as sole carer for the evening, despite the other parent living there too, that is the real issue.

Personally I would be cautious about asking for too much flex up front if the market is challenging and you don’t know the culture. I perhaps would ask for one of the 3 days to be say 8-4.30 one day (if you can make the morning commute work) and suck up the other two.

What time does your husband leave for work in the morning op? Is he able to support in any way?

I think DH needs to step up here since he is self employed, between you you can't both be working long hours every day with such young kids. I would ask for an office hours adjustment at work, you are allowed to ask, and see if you can pick up the slack working from home in the evenings? Can your husband do the same? Does he have to be out every single day till 8:30pm?

We're the children planned? What had you discussed between you regarding work/family balance if they were?

You'll only see your little ones to tuck them in bed and weekends at this rate. Xx

I worked similar hours/ similar commute to you, 5 days a week, and had an after school nanny.

DH got home at 6pm. Started dinner and got them in the bath.

Seeing as your DH is self employed my very first thing I would try in your situation is to work out how HE can be home earlier.

Every couple I know with one employee and one self employed - if it’s the mum self employed she works around the kids because she has the flexibility. If it’s the dad self employed then the employed mum works around the kids because the dad’s income is impacted if he was to work around the kids. In every case. Same goes for sick days etc. Really annoying as an employer.

Of course if his self employment is something that can only be done in the evenings that’s different, and one of the two of you (not necessarily you) is going to have to change your job or you get a flexible working arrangement agreed.

When I had an office job we had a nanny to do drop off and pick up.

After covid, my job became remote, and DH's became hybrid, so we alternate drop off and pick up between us.

In the field I was in when my kids were young, it was very unusual/unheard of to leave at 4:20 so I can see the issue.
How I make it work was one of us did the morning - allowing the other to get in early, say 7am - and the other did the end of the day, getting home in time for pick-up. It was impossible to do both ends as a regular thing.
When you say your DH is self employed and can’t help, that’s not really an answer. Men often say they can’t but are happy to let your stress levels hit the roof.

Ask for a flexible working plan but if you were one of my staff, I would also be asking what your DH was doing. Your dc have two parents.

Our breakfast club starts at 7:30 and after school club finishes at 17:30. I don’t know anyone who has a nanny at my DCs school. Most children have one parent doing drop off and one doing pick up, or grandparents who do the school run.

Most parents are working their hours around school hours.

It doesn't sound like the job is suitable.

Could your DH not take them to school in the mornings? At least some days. Sounds like he is working a lot.

I just wouldn’t have taken the job. It’s not practical at all. I use breakfast and after school club and have had to put my career on hold and work a different job. I do 8.15-4.45 and my kids do 7.45-5.15 at school with wrap around

your only option here is a nanny or a different job or husband changed his hours

This, to be honest. How did you not confirm it with your new manager or in your contract?

@opali This. Sorry OP, this is on you. Just assuming what the office hours are when going for a job with time critical child care commitments makes no sense at all.
If your employer can't accommodate a change of hours (and why should they?) get another job or suck up paying your sitter. This sort of situation does no favours to women wanting to stay in or return to the workplace after having children.

Your husband needs to help more on the days you are working and I would be talking to work about flexibility if they can't be flexible I would look for another job.

@opali This. Sorry OP, this is on you. Just assuming what the office hours are when going for a job with time critical child care commitments makes no sense at all.
If your employer can't accommodate a change of hours (and why should they?) get another job or suck up paying your sitter. This sort of situation does no favours to women wanting to stay in or return to the workplace after having children.

My husband picked up the slack on the days when I was in the office.

That's just waffle. You took a job without considering your children because it's 'normally' ok. That's ridiculous and irresponsible. Would you cross a road without looking because there's normally no traffic? It doesn't help your situation but at least admit you got yourself into this mess.

Your company are perfectly within their rights to not allow flexibility. This is not on them. This is on you and your misplaced sense of entitlement and stupidity.