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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She's dying isn't she?

610 replies

McSteamyorMcdreamy · 07/11/2025 23:15

Mum discharged herself from hospital today.

Hiatus hernia. She can't eat or drink anything. Literally throws it straight back up.

Can't walk because her lower back is buggered.

UTI in blood. Been given antibiotics but nothing seems to be giving her a boost.

Sat in a sodding chair for 36 hours at A&E. Not slept for at least 48. Said she just wanted to go home.

I'm really scared 😭

MNHQ EDIT to gently suggest that MNers new to this thread take the time to read through all of the OP's posts before answering

OP posts:
Original poster
McSteamyorMcdreamy · 13/11/2025 16:58

So ...she got moved today to a proper ward.

She called my dad at 3am saying she was going for a burger 🙄

Anyways he is on the domestos of antibiotics which could explain the call this morning and she actually quite with it today and able to move herself on her bed.

When I got there the doctor was there and said they were basically chasing the infection and that she would be having an abdominal ultrasound layer today.

She managed a bit of gravy from her lunch. No throwing up which was good.

My sister took over and she's just called me to say she can't have the ultrasound because she had the gravy for lunch and that the nurse told her this morning that she would need to be nil by mouth before it and that she should have told me in order to refuse the lunch!!!! WTAF?!!!

She now has to wait until Monday because the department don't work on a Friday and then it's the weekend.

You couldn't make this shit up!!!! My sister has just gone up to the PALS office asking to see someone. I'm waiting for DH to come home for DD's and then going down. Absolutely fuming!!

OP posts:
MrsLizzieDarcy · 12/11/2025 20:21

Don't be afraid to keep ringing the ward and pushing for updates.

Laura95167 · 12/11/2025 19:14

Any update on your mum?

Original poster
McSteamyorMcdreamy · 12/11/2025 18:40

kerstina · 12/11/2025 18:23

Urine infections can be life threatening if it leads to sepsis so glad you have finally got them to treat her. It’s not on she had to suffer for so long . The talking rubbish ( confusion) is a definite symptom of a UTi . Your poor Mum. Can you name the trust please.

University Hospitals Sussex

OP posts:
didgeridid · 12/11/2025 18:40

McSteamyorMcdreamy · 12/11/2025 18:02

Still no MRI. Just kept on being told they are busy.

Doctor this morning said she would be in for at least a couple of weeks. I think that's down to the antibiotics she's going to need. Doctor always comes round before visiting though and he's telling an extremely confused delirious woman a load of information and we never get given the updates 🙄

They normally come round between 8-10. Ask for a phone call from them or ask to be there. Like you say, then telling your mum is no good!

NearlyDec · 12/11/2025 18:24

I would expect 3 to 5 days for antibiotics for a UTI. You can ask to speak to your Mum’s named nurse for an update.

When my husband was in hospital and needed an MRI it took 3 days because he kept getting bumped down the list due to patients with suspected stroke who need to have the MRI within a small time frame.

kerstina · 12/11/2025 18:23

Urine infections can be life threatening if it leads to sepsis so glad you have finally got them to treat her. It’s not on she had to suffer for so long . The talking rubbish ( confusion) is a definite symptom of a UTi . Your poor Mum. Can you name the trust please.

NewAgeNewMe · 12/11/2025 18:06

When my dad was in hospital I’d ask when the doctor was doing the rounds and ask to speak to them to get updates. They can only say no.

Original poster
McSteamyorMcdreamy · 12/11/2025 18:02

Still no MRI. Just kept on being told they are busy.

Doctor this morning said she would be in for at least a couple of weeks. I think that's down to the antibiotics she's going to need. Doctor always comes round before visiting though and he's telling an extremely confused delirious woman a load of information and we never get given the updates 🙄

OP posts:
NewAgeNewMe · 12/11/2025 16:41

Been thinking of you both today. How’s your mum doing?

Original poster
McSteamyorMcdreamy · 12/11/2025 16:12

PixieTales · 12/11/2025 00:18

Sorry but how is it medical negligence? She discharged herself. Hospitals aren’t prisons.

I hope she’s ok but I really don’t see how you can blame this on a hospital she discharged herself early from.

That is my SIL, not my mum.

OP posts:
CrabbyCat · 12/11/2025 07:17

PixieTales · 12/11/2025 00:18

Sorry but how is it medical negligence? She discharged herself. Hospitals aren’t prisons.

I hope she’s ok but I really don’t see how you can blame this on a hospital she discharged herself early from.

She discharged herself after 36 hours of sitting in a chair though, with the only way to stay being staying in that chair. I don't it's reasonable to expect anyone to spend days in a chair waiting, let alone an unwell 67 year old!

I think at that point it is medical negligence for a hospital to not come up with an alternative plan that meant she would be somewhere comfortable enough she felt able to stay, or to at least release her to go home over night but with follow up arranged.

Freysimo · 12/11/2025 06:50

What about the poor old souls who have no one to advocate for them, and there must be many? I'm old and I absolutely dread needing hospital. Fortunately I'm fit and well at the moment and I'll do my very best to stay like that.

Pryceosh1987 · 12/11/2025 01:51

Sometimes the anitbotics doesnt work straight away, sometimes it works after a few days to weeks.

SoftBalletShoes · 12/11/2025 01:29

Timetochillnow · 11/11/2025 23:10

Is 67 elderly? I’m quite shocked to think that to be honest

Show quote history

It's not what I think of as elderly, but it sure ain't young!

PixieTales · 12/11/2025 00:18

Sorry but how is it medical negligence? She discharged herself. Hospitals aren’t prisons.

I hope she’s ok but I really don’t see how you can blame this on a hospital she discharged herself early from.

Nessiesfoodprovider · 11/11/2025 23:43

Timetochillnow · 11/11/2025 23:10

Is 67 elderly? I’m quite shocked to think that to be honest

Show quote history

My state retirement age is 67. Scary to think that I'll be elderly!!!
The system is completely broken thanks to years of not getting it right in terms of where funding went and how it was spent. So many layers of non-clinical management and admin costing a fortune. Plus staff shortages and huge costs of bank staff to plug the gaps.

loveteandcake · 11/11/2025 23:19

hope your mum gets better soon

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 11/11/2025 23:13

Timetochillnow · 11/11/2025 23:10

Is 67 elderly? I’m quite shocked to think that to be honest

Show quote history

Well of course it isn't!
I'm a little older than that, and I'm not "elderly" yet.

Mind you I'm probably deluding myself

Timetochillnow · 11/11/2025 23:10

MrsLizzieDarcy · 11/11/2025 16:34

Gosh OP you must be running on fumes. I hope you get some answers today at last.

Having elderly parents who need medical care is a nightmare these days.

Is 67 elderly? I’m quite shocked to think that to be honest

Mischance · 11/11/2025 22:18

Why oh why do we have to fight for the right care?

It is bad enough being ill or having a loved one who is ill without having to fight ......

Original poster
McSteamyorMcdreamy · 11/11/2025 21:31

Ironically my SIL is going through medical negligence with the same trust. They sent home with sciatica after not reviewing her blood tests. She turned up a day later at A&E and was pulled out of her wheelchair to go to triage and she collapsed as couldn't walk. A hoist later and and MRI showed that she had an abscess at the bottom of her spine leaking into her spinal fluid.

Emergency surgery and 3 months in hospital and a 43 year old woman will never go to the toilet independently again. Head of A&E came to apologise to her ICU.

I would like to say that a lot of the staff who have seen to my mum have been absolutely wonderful. Eg we spoke to a nurse today about putting in a catheter and she was reluctant because of risk of infection, whereas we as a family just wanted her to have a decent night's sleep without wetting the bed every 30 minutes. As soon as her UTI was confirmed she came straight over and said, well it's confirmed so we might as well put one in. My mum called me almost in tears because she was so happy.

But then you have other staff who treated mum as a total inconvenience. They are tired. Overworked and underpaid, I get that, but when you see a loved one receiving the level of care that she has received over the last 5 days......

I know it's not the individuals. It's the system, but the system is well and truly fucking broken at the moment 😔

OP posts:
unsync · 11/11/2025 19:35

Well done for persisting @McSteamyorMcdreamy and thanks for the update. Sadly, a lot of elderly are just dismissed within the NHS.

Hang in there, your Mother is fortunate to have you fighting for her. 💐

Bunnycat101 · 11/11/2025 19:32

Oh you poor love- it must be very worrying. Write notes about everything if you need to complain later. I hope your mum starts to get the care she needs soon.

There are too many stories of having to fight to be heard. I really think some vulnerable people without advocates must be in such danger.

MsWilmottsGhost · 11/11/2025 17:36

UTI can make the elderly very confused, bad enough to be mistaken for dementia or psychosis, rather than the classic pain on urination seen in younger people. Urine samples are often equivocal because the immune response is not so strong e.g. few white blood cells in urine.

It's good news that they have confirmed the positive UTI now as she will get some antibiotics. Hopefully once she gets them she will improve quickly.

It must be so worrying Flowers