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AIBU?

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Original poster

She's dying isn't she?

610 replies

McSteamyorMcdreamy · 07/11/2025 23:15

Mum discharged herself from hospital today.

Hiatus hernia. She can't eat or drink anything. Literally throws it straight back up.

Can't walk because her lower back is buggered.

UTI in blood. Been given antibiotics but nothing seems to be giving her a boost.

Sat in a sodding chair for 36 hours at A&E. Not slept for at least 48. Said she just wanted to go home.

I'm really scared 😭

MNHQ EDIT to gently suggest that MNers new to this thread take the time to read through all of the OP's posts before answering

OP posts:
CharlotteCChapel · 19/11/2025 21:23

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GentleSheep · 19/11/2025 21:20

Very sorry to hear this OP, praying for you and your Mum.

Jamjarcandlestick · 19/11/2025 21:14

Op I am so sorry to read your update.

We had similar last year with my mum. She had been diagnosed with 4(?) back to back chest infections that antibiotics weren’t shifting and constant diarrhoea. Like your poor mum she discharged herself from A&E after having to sit painfully on plastic chairs, generally treated like a hypochondriac, to then collapse on Christmas Day and then finally scanned to show she was riddled with cancer.

Awful all around.

look after yourself, I dug out our whole garden in January as I didn’t know what to do with myself outside of visiting hours. It surprisingly helped to take my mind of things.

I’m so sorry OP 💕

shhblackbag · 19/11/2025 21:10

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 19/11/2025 18:58

Oh how heartbreaking.

I'm very sorry to see this update.

It's especially awful because of the way your mother has been treated by the NHS over the last few days. Left to sit in A & E on a chair for many hours.
Paramedics refusing to take her to hospital despite its being ordered by the GP.
Left to wet the bed countless times.

It's all utterly ghastly.

Show quote history

Agree. It's horrible.

I'm so, so sorry, OP.

MrsOvertonsWindow · 19/11/2025 21:09

So very sorry OP. And after all you and your Mum have gone through.
Sending you courage for the days aheadFlowers

WilfredsPies · 19/11/2025 21:05

I’m so bloody sorry.

Hold her hand and tell her you love her. She’ll hear you and know you’re there with her.

Pebbles16 · 19/11/2025 21:04

So sorry about the news and sending you all love.
My experience of palliative care is that hearing is one of the last senses to go so a great playlist and chatting about enjoyable experiences really helped us to believe we were helping our loved one - and they smiled a lot (mostly to the music rather than us recalling Aunty X's embarrassing portaloo moment whilst camping for the gazillionth time).
Strength to you in this difficult and horrible time...sometimes life sucks

SockFluffInTheBath · 19/11/2025 21:04

I’m so sorry OP, what an awful shock. The only small comfort in this is that now she has a diagnosis they can ramp up the pain meds to keep her more comfortable. I hope she stays calm and out of discomfort. Wishing you strength and the courage you need.

Flamingmentalcats · 19/11/2025 21:01

Sending love, I am so sorry x

Sunflower1650 · 19/11/2025 20:59

OP, I am so sorry to read this. I am also sorry for everything you’ve been through with this, your instinct was right all along and you weren’t listened to. Be with your lovely mum as much as possible. X

Angelou79 · 19/11/2025 20:57

I’m so sorry my lovely. Life is so cruel. Be with your darling mum as much as you can & try & make her last times as comfortable & as happy as you can.
sending virtual hugs.
After the worse happens raise merry hell. This is absolutely atrocious & whilst I disagree with suing the NHS lessons must be learnt here.
so so sorry for you. Ax

BatshitCrazyWoman · 19/11/2025 20:57

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. Sending you so much love and strength xx

MooFroo · 19/11/2025 20:53

Heartbreaking outcome OP, so very sorry x
Sending lots of love, strength and hugs to you, your beautiful mum and your family as you go through this awful time xx

Be proud of fighting for her care the way you all did x

Emilesgran · 19/11/2025 20:53

I’m so sorry to read this update. Sending you all the “remote” support I can. This time last year we were three weeks away with my own mum from the situation you’re in now - and we had no idea what was about to happen.

We didn’t quite as long a wait in A&E as you TBF, but still when she, and we, were told 48 hours later that she had a few weeks left, the shock was just, well. I can’t even describe it. It still shocks us all nearly a year later. We keep wondering if we missed something but I can’t see what. And we’ve gone over and over it so many times. So keep that in mind for yourself: it just happens and it’s not necessarily anything you could have prevented.

The other thing I wanted to say is that although it is very, very hard to go through this, hopefully now you’ll get help, so that she’s not in pain. That’s the most important thing now, and we found the palliative care team were fantastic. I think it was Marie Curie but that was just who were sent to us. I think that’s who has the NHS contract in Northern Ireland. I’m sure MacMillan are fine too. But the palliative care people really have a handle on everything in a way the GP or even the hospital, despite doing their best, just didn’t.

All my very best to you and your mum. 💔💐

Christwosheds · 19/11/2025 20:52

So very sorry to read this update OP, absolutely tragic news, your Mum is only in her sixties, and she has been treated so badly while waiting for a diagnosis . It’s heartbreaking.

Octonaut4Life · 19/11/2025 20:52

I'm so sorry OP. What awful news.

Everythingwillbeokeventually44 · 19/11/2025 20:51

So very sorry OP 😞 💔

Horses7 · 19/11/2025 20:50

So sorry - you did your best OP.

ChessorBuckaroo · 19/11/2025 20:46

Sorry for the news OP.

Sharptonguedwoman · 19/11/2025 20:38

💔

LIZS · 19/11/2025 20:36

I’m so sorry that it is not a better outcome. sending you and your family much love.

Catcatcat111 · 19/11/2025 20:35

I’m so sorry to read your update OP. When you’re feeling stronger i hope you can complain to PALS - sounds like the hospital has been horrendous.

letshavetea · 19/11/2025 20:34

I’m so, so sorry for your poor Mum and for you and your family. The NHS has behaved disgracefully.

Roomforapony · 19/11/2025 20:33

I am so sorry OP to read your heartbreaking update, I’m holding you and your mum in my thoughts and prayers🙏🏻 I hope you and your family have support and comfort during this awful time 💔🫂

Itschristmaas · 19/11/2025 20:29

I am so sorry OP, you knew all along your poor Mum wasn’t well.

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