She's dying isn't she?

McSteamyorMcdreamy · 2025-11-07T23:15:45+00:00

Mum discharged herself from hospital today. Hiatus hernia. She can't eat or drink anything. Literally throws it straight back up. Can't walk because her lower back is buggered. UTI in blood. Been given antibiotics but nothing seems to be giving her a boost. Sat in a sodding chair for 36 hours at A&E. Not slept for at least 48. Said she just wanted to go home. I'm really scared 😭 **MNHQ EDIT to gently suggest that MNers new to this thread take the time to read through all of the OP's posts before answering**

MrsLizzieDarcy · 22/12/2025 16:53

I'm so glad you got through the funeral OK and it went well.

I lost my Dad close to Christmas, take it easy this year and don't put yourself under any pressure. Grief and try to put a brave face on for kids/everyone isn't an easy mix

nannyl · 22/12/2025 15:11

Thank you for your update.
So pleased the funeral went well.

What a rollercoaster you have been on.

Eending you lots more love as you navigate the festive season.

Please be kind to and look after yourself

Hugs

HildegardP · 21/12/2025 23:56

OP, I'm glad you were able to give your mum the farewell she deserved.

HildegardP · 21/12/2025 23:53

@Sugargliderwombat Understandable that you aren't feeling your best but keep an eye out for any time constraints on progressing to the next stage of your complaint. If you don't already know them, https://www.pohwer.net/ may be able to offer you useful assistance.

Sugargliderwombat · 21/12/2025 21:07

McSteamyorMcdreamy · 20/12/2025 19:58

Funeral was on Thursday.

Walked in to Superstar by The Carpenters.

Photo tribute was Now & Forever by Carol King.

Leaving music was You're So Vain by Carly Simon.

My Sister and I stood up and shared our memories. It was almost like an inner power took over us to do it.

There were so many tears, but so many smiles.

Now the hard work starts to get the answers she bloody deserves.

I can't even begin to put into words how much this thread gave me. From the ever so slightly drunken first post where I just "knew" that something was wrong to all the PMs I have been sent. MN sometimes gets a bad rep for being toxic and nasty. For me it has been a literal world of support and would just like to say a massive thank you to each and everyone of you. ❤️

My dad had similar, a safeguarding concern was raised to pals but I haven't had the strength to face to official complaint or legal action that pals advised. I hope you find the strength that I haven't got yet.

Smilesinthesunshine · 21/12/2025 01:23

Bless you. I am so sorry for the loss of your lovely mum. I can kind of understand what you are going through as I lost my mum at the age of 61 and she really shouldn't have died. She had come back from Greece with awful chest pains that the doctors completely ignored. She deteriorated and was hospitalised and then suffered a fatal heart attack. We took the doctor who had completely ignored her symptoms to court. Not for money, we didn't want that. It was just to get her unnecessary death acknowledged.
So sorry for what you are going through.

Allisnotlost1 · 21/12/2025 00:33

McSteamyorMcdreamy · 20/12/2025 19:58

Funeral was on Thursday.

Walked in to Superstar by The Carpenters.

Photo tribute was Now & Forever by Carol King.

Leaving music was You're So Vain by Carly Simon.

My Sister and I stood up and shared our memories. It was almost like an inner power took over us to do it.

There were so many tears, but so many smiles.

Now the hard work starts to get the answers she bloody deserves.

I can't even begin to put into words how much this thread gave me. From the ever so slightly drunken first post where I just "knew" that something was wrong to all the PMs I have been sent. MN sometimes gets a bad rep for being toxic and nasty. For me it has been a literal world of support and would just like to say a massive thank you to each and everyone of you. ❤️

Sounds like you gave your mum a beautiful send off. It’s a hard battle trying to get answers so pace yourself and make time to remember your mum as she was and to enjoy your own life. 💛

MrsOvertonsWindow · 20/12/2025 20:09

What wonderful moving music and a very special funeral @McSteamyorMcdreamy. You've done your Mum proud.

There's a lot of people on here who can advise on how best to proceed with complaints. When you're ready you could always ask for advice.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 20/12/2025 20:02

Thank you for your update @McSteamyorMcdreamy

I am glad that the funeral was a positive experience for you and your sister.

Good luck with getting some answers from the NHS.

Original poster

McSteamyorMcdreamy · 20/12/2025 19:58

Funeral was on Thursday.

Walked in to Superstar by The Carpenters.

Photo tribute was Now & Forever by Carol King.

Leaving music was You're So Vain by Carly Simon.

My Sister and I stood up and shared our memories. It was almost like an inner power took over us to do it.

There were so many tears, but so many smiles.

Now the hard work starts to get the answers she bloody deserves.

I can't even begin to put into words how much this thread gave me. From the ever so slightly drunken first post where I just "knew" that something was wrong to all the PMs I have been sent. MN sometimes gets a bad rep for being toxic and nasty. For me it has been a literal world of support and would just like to say a massive thank you to each and everyone of you. ❤️

OP posts:

TrippingOverMyAssets · 25/11/2025 15:26

McSteamyorMcdreamy · 24/11/2025 22:31

Been told the official cause of death today:

Metastatic oesophageal carcinoma.

She was discharged following an endoscopy 3 weeks ago. Report says Omeprozol in liquid form as she's struggling to swallow tablets. Back to GP for follow-up. No sign of cancer.

What the actual?!!!!

I know this isn’t the time you want to have to deal with all this but having lost my mother to cancer I’d definitely take that report further.

anyolddinosaur · 25/11/2025 11:44

An old research study shows around a 6% miss rate for endoscopy. In your place I would want, so ask for, an investigation. Lodging a complaint is one way to ensure that.

Unfortunately at that stage the treatment would have been palliative. She might have an easier few weeks but she'd have known she was dying.

Freysimo · 25/11/2025 06:50

I'm so sorry OP, it's horrendous after what you've already been through. I wonder if there's been a mix up with reports as ca oesophagus should have been so obvious on endoscopy.

montelbano · 25/11/2025 02:32

I am so very sorry OP.
Please find the strength to lodge a formal complaint as your mother's treatment was appalling on so many levels. IMO a full investigation is warranted

Lalgarh · 25/11/2025 01:33

Seriously lodge some sort of complaint.

I'm so sorry

WhyCantThingsJustBeEasy · 24/11/2025 23:29

So very sorry for your loss @McSteamyorMcdreamy Sending love and strength to you and your family ❤️ x

HildegardP · 24/11/2025 23:21

I know that many early oesophageal cancers in patients with Barret's oesophagus are missed but at stage 4 in any patient you'd anticipate some trouble getting the scope down there, even if the patient had had a stent surgically placed in their oesophagus. My mind is boggling.

I'm so very sorry that you're faced with all this on top of your bereavement. If you decide that you want more information from the hospital or choose to formally complain about any aspect of her care, try to get some specialist legal advice first. PALS is a fobbing-off service but you have to go through it & it's best to have all your ducks in a row before you start.

Edited for a missing word

Backofthenet20 · 24/11/2025 23:13

I am so sorry for your loss and this awful news that the staff did not see the cancer. I know it might not seem it, but perhaps it is a blessing they don’t see it and start treatment. The treatment can make people has even lower quality of life. My Mum was in a similar position with liver cancer which was metastasic. She died 3 weeks after finding it. It was terrible for her to go through but at least she didn’t have prolonged suffering.

CuddlyPug · 24/11/2025 23:02

I am so sorry. It was good that you were all there.

LushLemonTart · 24/11/2025 22:58

McSteamyorMcdreamy · 24/11/2025 22:31

Been told the official cause of death today:

Metastatic oesophageal carcinoma.

She was discharged following an endoscopy 3 weeks ago. Report says Omeprozol in liquid form as she's struggling to swallow tablets. Back to GP for follow-up. No sign of cancer.

What the actual?!!!!

So they missed it? Omg that's horrendous 😢

Original poster

McSteamyorMcdreamy · 24/11/2025 22:31

Been told the official cause of death today:

Metastatic oesophageal carcinoma.

She was discharged following an endoscopy 3 weeks ago. Report says Omeprozol in liquid form as she's struggling to swallow tablets. Back to GP for follow-up. No sign of cancer.

What the actual?!!!!

OP posts:

QuickPeachPoet · 24/11/2025 14:26

McSteamyorMcdreamy · 21/11/2025 02:37

My beautiful mummy passed away at 2am.

Surrounded by her husband and 3 children.

She looks so peaceful. 💔

May she rest in peace and rise in glory.

So so sorry OP

Kidsgotothatschool · 24/11/2025 06:32

So sorry for such a huge loss @McSteamyorMcdreamy sending you hugs.

PineapplePizzaz · 24/11/2025 06:26

So sorry for your loss 💔

wouldratherstickpinsineyes · 22/11/2025 15:37

I’m so sorry for your loss and can only imagine how you are feeling. I lost my Mum in very similar circumstances just over 3 years ago. It still feels a bit unreal.