To think a 22 year old dating a 16 year old is dodgy?

I think that is a screwed up, quite American view of yours. Yes.

You think me saying ‘just legal’ is more fucked up than a fully grown man having a sexual interest in a 16 year old. How utterly depressing.

I agree it is grim even though legal. Of more concern reading the OPs comments is the controlling behaviour, which could happen at any age.

Thank you to the person who posted the research about age gap relationships.

Totally agree with your points.

Jail bait is unacceptable as this is victim shaming. Someone being barely legal is just fact. The pornification of the term is probably what is making you squeamish but in the context of this thread's topic it might be pertinent to question why this is such a popular genre of porn amongst men.

All these lovely, innocent 20 plus year old men just coincidentally falling for 16 year old children has nothing to do with the fact that lots of men have a proven sexual interest in young looking girls/women I suppose?

Terms like barely legal and jailbait are never appropriate.

I do however think that literally any 29 year old man wanting to date literally any 16 year old is vile.

And those were the ages mentioned in the post about a poster’s parents.

They may have stayed together a long time but that doesn’t change the fact that a 29 year old man (or woman) pursuing a 16 year old is vile. Predatory, inappropriate and wrong.

Hard disagree.

Wrong is wrong. You can acknowledge that something was socially acceptable and even normal in the past but also acknowledge that it was fundamentally wrong. We are more enlightened now about power dynamics, women's rights and coercion. We also know more about how the brain develops and that the prefrontal cortex is nowhere near fully developed at sixteen. Children of sixteen are very much still children, no matter how mature and worldly we feel at the time.

It's like some slave owners in America claimed that they had wonderful, long lasting friendships with their slaves. There is evidence to backup these claims but the fact is that the relationship was forged in an unacceptable and exploitative context and we can't just overlook this. It may feel like we are unfairly condemning our ancestors but we shouldn't shy away from reality, no matter how painful it is and no matter how much people are a product of their time.

It doesn't matter what you want for your daughter, though.

It's her life.

We certainly could go back to the past where parents approved their child's marriage etc I suppose.

@BackinGodsOwn

Describing people's now-deceased parents who had long and happy marriages in such terms? Have a word with yourself.

Sorry, I agree people shouldn't be using words like "jailbait" and "vile", but it's perfectly reasonable to point out that things which were OK in one era are not in another.

Just because people have remained married a long time doesn't mean that they are automatically happy or that they wouldn't have got more out of their lives in other circumstances.

The reality is that for a young woman, getting married and having children very young with a man who is many years older than you limits your opportunities and horizons: it's certainly not what I'd want for my daughter. It's not offensive to point that out.

It's the people making comments like

Barely legal
Vile
Jailbait

who are making such fucked up remarks.

Describing people's now-deceased parents who had long and happy marriages in such terms? Have a word with yourself.

@MightyGoldBear 08/11/2025 09:43

It's never women in their 20s wanting to date 16 year old boys Is it.

Wrong. Sometimes it is. As I said earlier, I know a woman who is 35, and is in a relationship with/living with a teenager. (Well, he moved in with her.) He's 19 and she's 35. They've been together a year and a few months, so since he was 17. This is no better than 16 and 22. In fact it's a bit worse.

I have known women in their 30s before too, who have gone for 16-18 year old lads. (And even a couple of women in their 40s.) Men are more likely to go for much younger women of course, but let's not pretend it never happens the other way around.

I know several women in their 30s right now (and a couple in their 40s) who are with a teenager - aged 16 to 19. They (the women) all have children - some as young as 3 - and have made these lads their baby-daddy. He also does her gardening for her/mowing the lawn, does errands around the house, chops logs for the log burner, walks the dog(s,) and looks after the children when she goes out. Most of these lads don't seem to have a job, (and most of the women don't.) A couple of these 'couples' smoke weed together in the garden several times a day.

Utterly terrifying that he looks after the child(ren,) considering that in most cases, an attack on a child is most likely to come from an unrelated male. But yeah, no way is it always men who go for much younger partners.

And as a pp said, no, the mothers of the 'lads' are NOT happy. For some reason though, they seem mesmerised, smitten, (and pretty much controlled) by these older women.

vile

I remember girls in my year having older boyfriends who would pick them up from school in their souped up car (late 90s). I myself had a relationship with someone 10 years older than me and we were together a few years (I had left school). I regret him being my first serious boyfriend, there were power dynamics within the relationship even though I convinced myself we were equal

I'm grateful that this kind of thing is now mainly seen as icky by my older children and their peers. There are still older boys going out with younger girls but they get tagged as paedos and are not looked upon favourably.

I will always judge adults forming a sexual relationship with a child

and really could not give a fuck if I am considered judgemental

I also think power dynamics are hard to nail down.

I notice a trend in relationships where women ostensibly hold the power and are the 'bosses' but it's far more often the men that hold the real power. The men go along with the illusion that the woman is in charge because it suits them as it usually means the woman is stuck with far more of the domestic and mental load.

Why do you think these men were all attracted to barely legal girls when there would have been plenty of women their own age around?

My problem with grown men having a sexual interest in just legal children isn’t much about power dynamics, it’s more about the depravity of their minds.

My mum was 16 (and had been working for 2 years) when she met my Dad - who was 22.

She was the boss in the relationship right from the start, and they stayed together until Dad died in his late 80s.

I dated a 24 year old when I was just 17, and I was perfectly capable of not being dominated by him. Unlike when I was 41 and with a 28 year old who abused me for 6 years plus.

Power dynamics are not always only about age.

@RubySquid

What about us older people with age gap relationships then? Should be suddenly be illegal. ( 13 years between me and DP)

It's not the age gap that's the problem. My ex husband was eight years older than me, I'm four years older than my current partner. It's when it involves an adult being in a relationship with a child that it's problematic.

It's an abuse of power.

Yes I was in my 40s but someone stated the age gap should be illegal.

I assume you met your DH when you were an adult and not an actual child?

What about us older people with age gap relationships then? Should be suddenly be illegal. ( 13 years between me and DP)

I’d say it feels “wrong”, although that is based on zero experience of a similar situation so my opinion isn’t entirely valid.

It makes me wonder though, a 6 year age gap is nothing when you’re “older”, at what age does it become ok. I’ve no idea really.

That's really unfair!

I generally don't care about adults forming relationships with other adults. It's none of my business and as long as it's consensual and not abusive then I wish them luck. Sixteen year olds are children so I'm afraid it's a whole different ball game. Trying to imply that people that have an interest in child protection and safe guarding are interfering or judgemental is really strange.

There are videos circulating on SM at the moment about country's where child marriage is legal. In almost all of the countries where there are different legal ages for marriage between men and women, women have the lower age. Why do you think this is? Who do you think has set these laws? In some countries the age of puberty is the age where a girl can get married. It is sick and wrong! I really hope you would agree.

I'm afraid allowing sixteen year old children to have legal sexual relationships with 20 odd year old men (and even older) is a milder version of this in my mind. I don't see how this benefits girls but I can see how men with questionable motives would benefit. What do these fully grown men see in children that they can't get from a woman their own age?

I know a lot of stories like yours, with bigger age gaps.

As we see from this thread, there are a lot of judgemental types who will have an opinion on other people's relationships. They aren't concerned about abuse or power imbalances it seems to me. What really pisses them off is that it was never submitted to them for approval. Other people live their own private lives as they choose? Unthinkable!

I never had this type of relationship so have no skin in this game... I just can't muster opinions on other people's lives like that.