To think a 22 year old dating a 16 year old is dodgy?

We can agree on the issues in general. What I find a bit rude is telling someone that their own particular relationship is vile. That seems a bit much.

It’s not the 13 year age gap itself though that people have taken most issue with in this example, is it? Surely you understand that?

It’s the age of the younger party. 16.

If your 16 year old told you they had met a 29 year old who wanted to be in a relationship with them, you wouldn’t believe the 29 year old was predatory and doing something inappropriate and wrong? You’d think let’s give them a chance, they might be lovely? Despite them openly wanting to date a 16 year old?

If so I hope you aren’t responsible for any young adults.

A 29 year old man having an interest in a 16 year old is the very definition of vile. How the relationship played out isn’t particularly relevant as it changes nothing in terms of grown adult man being attracted to the youngest child he legally can be.

Hey. Steady on. And age gap of 13 years is pretty unusual but there no call to describe it this way and a bit rude surely? They are clearly happily married - hence the post.

That’s vile.

What about a 14 yo and 22yo, would that be wrong? (If he thought she was 16)

If they are both in their 20s and six years apart they must be within the "half your age plus seven" rule so that is ok.

This is absolute nonsense. Science proves that the frontal cortex in the brain is still developing until you are around 25. A 22 year old is a hell of a lot closer to this age than a 16 year old child.

You were also 'young' at sixteen, as was I and all other sixteen year olds. I felt like I was mature, thought I knew it all and also wouldn't have thought anything of one of my friends dating an older man. I simply didn't know any different. I didn't realise how much I would change between the ages of 16 and 22. I didn't realise how much I would mature and how a 16 year old would seem so naive, immature and inexperienced in comparison. This would be off-putting and a bit gross. The fact some men actively seek out girls like this tells you all you need to know.

I find it odd that you are trying to imply that those who are disapproving of fully blown adults having a special relationships with legal children are somehow judgemental or a stick in the mud. Disgusting!

Hang on. A family member ( or both) dated a while ago when one was pretty young. Now they're in their 20s and are married to each other. There's a 6 year difference. And...?

I think this is because despite all the narrative on the surface about tolerance and acceptance of other people's views, beliefs, behaviours, young people these days are incredibly judgemental and guilty of huge group think. Led by adults of course, if you actually do think outside the box you're shouted down, 'cancelled' as it were in your social or community group.

I think it's more a reflection of how "young" a lot of them are now tbh (with all the judgementalness of an adolescent, which some never outgrow). At 16 I was already starting university, had a part time job from age of 11, and so on. I wasn't in a serious relationship, though. My best friend from school went abroad, got married and was running a farm by the time she was about 18 or 19. I don't think it would have occurred to us to tut tut about who was going out with whom. I don't think I ever cared how old any of the guys I slept with was and in some cases definitely didn't know.

We can all comment on creepy groomers.

The poster I was replying to was going on about having children young. BTW I was pregnant at 19, my partner at the time was 20 so 11 months between us. Can't see how the guy being older makes that much of a difference tbh.

Yes, it's all become a bit strange. Like I said, at 17 I was dating my future DH who was then 20. That's only 3 years difference and most of my friends had similar relationships as did previous generations. So are the 18 year olds of today only supposed to date other 18 year olds!

I think people think differently these days and are far more suspicious. I think back to what I was like at 16 and I would not have felt 22 was too old at all and if I had wanted to date him I would have. In fact I was engaged at 16

Obviously if there's any kind of control or coercion happening then that's definitely not ok but that applies whatever the age

You need to think harder then. I’m not talking about the girls, I’m talking about the predators, the men. The ‘just legal’ term was merely factual, because as I said upthread, we all know why these men target 16 year old - it’s precisely because they are just legal. As young as they can get away with. It’s fucking gross and you picking me up for pointing it out as if I’m the problem is really worrying.

@RubySquid

But who sayscall these women are having children very young? And why would they be having children any younger than if they were with a guy a year older rather than 6 years okder

Whether or not they're not having children young they're being groomed very young to be the sexual partner/domestic helpmeet of a much older man. It's grim, regardless of whether they have children or not. It's worse if they have children because they are stuck with the bloke, but if they escape that it's still not a life I'd wish on anyone.

I don't really understand why people are offended on behalf of these people that we're casting aspersions on their "long and happy marriages" (we don't actually know if they're happy, just that they're long). But apparently untroubled by the fact that adult men are grooming children for sex. It just seems a very odd kind of morality.

Entirely reasonable response.

I am hesitant to condemn him entirely - 22 year old men are not exactly mature, and it is not impossible that the 16 year old (who was above the age of consent) was more mature / more dominant... and there seem to be lots of examples of this kind of age gap and young age working out.

Saying that... no no no... 19 male and 16 female is too much, and 18/16 isn't great, IMHO. I would definitely disapprove and feel a bit uncomfortable. Or worse. If there was any hard evidence that he is or was explitative or abusive then he is a truly sickening man.

Yes, it's interesting. My two are 22 and 23 now and horrified about age gaps that I consider perfectly ok eg an 18 and 21 year old

I think it depends on the individuals. I don't think it has to be a problem. If they are married now and have a good relationship then I definitely wouldn't be worrying about it now.

I had 21 year old boyfriend when I was 17 and I don't think there was anything wrong with that relationship. I would say I had most of the power if anything. He was a sweetie. When I was 18-21 I had a relationship with a man in his 40s. Now that was problematic and in retrospect I am so angry with him!

Who cares how other people live their lives?

I know you don't get why talking about teenaged girls in those terms is problematic.

Who cares if they have “long and happy marriages”?

So have the Macrons but people can still criticise how it started

Wait, just to clarify, you think my view is screwed up (I don’t really get the bit about American) becsue I said that 16 year old are ‘just legal’, in the context of a thread discussing grown men being attracted to them?

genuinely. You think i am the issue here?

But who sayscall these women are having children very young? And why would they be having children any younger than if they were with a guy a year older rather than 6 years okder