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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 22 year old dating a 16 year old is dodgy?

340 replies

Corall · 07/11/2025 22:17

It was a family member. They are married now. It was the 16 year olds first relationship, she had only just turned 16, doing her GCSEs.
I find it off putting, makes me think badly of the man. He’s always been controlling.
But others think it was fine. AIBU to want to avoid him?

OP posts:
ultraviolet4753 · 07/11/2025 22:35

I was 16, husband 29. Married 22 years.

Original poster
Corall · 07/11/2025 22:34

Dollymylove · 07/11/2025 22:33

Has she told you this or have you just decided that because you think that the relationship is inappropriate? You should probably mind your own business

Show quote history

No I haven’t discussed it with them

OP posts:
Original poster
Corall · 07/11/2025 22:33

6 year gap, is a bit more than 4 though? It’s just useful to hear others views - I can’t talk about it to anyone irl

OP posts:
QueenofLouisiana · 07/11/2025 22:33

I was the 16 year old in this situation, over 3 years ago. He didn’t groom me, everything was consensual and moved at a much slower pace than might have happened if I had been older.

On reflection, he had an immature relationship history, mine was perhaps rather precocious. We were together many years, although we split up after I graduated. I think of him fondly.

However, I know DS finds this “noncy”. I think things have changed.

Dollymylove · 07/11/2025 22:33

Corall · 07/11/2025 22:24

It was quite a few years ago, definitely before 2022. They waited a few years to get married - were both in their 20s by then. I feel sad for her, I guess she must have realised by now she was probably taken advantage of

Has she told you this or have you just decided that because you think that the relationship is inappropriate? You should probably mind your own business

JaninaDuszejko · 07/11/2025 22:32

School friend of mine met her husband when she was 16 and he was 20, they got married 2 years later. We're now in our 50s and they are still married and have 4 children. We all thought it was perfectly fine and, to be fair, her DH is one of the loveliest men I've ever met, a really decent bloke. Of course back in the 80s the age gap wasn't worthy of comment.

Original poster
Corall · 07/11/2025 22:30

The last few years I have been thinking about it when I see them. The male in the relationship is my brother :(

OP posts:
FunnysInLaJardin · 07/11/2025 22:30

meh, I was 17 and DH was 21 when we met. We have been together for 38 years

WanderlustMom · 07/11/2025 22:29

Vile

OverlyFragrant · 07/11/2025 22:27

I had a 23 year old boyfriend at 16. I was absolutely inappropriate and he did abuse me.
I only realised how much so when older and wiser.

Original poster
Corall · 07/11/2025 22:25

She didn’t have contact with he dad so maybe that influenced it

OP posts:
Original poster
Corall · 07/11/2025 22:24

It was quite a few years ago, definitely before 2022. They waited a few years to get married - were both in their 20s by then. I feel sad for her, I guess she must have realised by now she was probably taken advantage of

OP posts:
JudgeBread · 07/11/2025 22:20

It's a bit noncey yeah.

BluntPlumHam · 07/11/2025 22:20

Not it’s not fine, she’s a child. When was this? If it was before 2022 the parents would have need to consent for her to be married.

Barcamug · 07/11/2025 22:20

Probably, buy i had a 24yo BF when I was 15. He never tried anything and it fizzled out. No idea why he wanted to get involved or what he got out of it.

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