Page 13 | To think a 22 year old dating a 16 year old is dodgy?

Corall · 2025-11-07T22:17:22+00:00

It was a family member. They are married now. It was the 16 year olds first relationship, she had only just turned 16, doing her GCSEs. I find it off putting, makes me think badly of the man. He’s always been controlling. But others think it was fine. AIBU to want to avoid him?

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 07/11/2025 23:17

Well she was a child so yes absolutely unacceptable. Adults should not be dating, or as it is known in the law - grooming, children.

He’s always been controlling - which is why he didnt want a woman.

Lots of women on here already proudly mentioning their paedo husbands. Weird flex.

Thisisnotmyid · 07/11/2025 23:13

I was 16 and DH 23. Been together almost 27 years now with children. I was never groomed or taken advantage of and we met totally accidentally through mutual friends.

youalright · 07/11/2025 23:13

RubySquid · 07/11/2025 23:00

It's only recently that 16 years olds are " schoolgirls," though. Back in the late 80s many 16 years olds were working full time

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Well thankfully where not in the 80s anymore. Lots of things where acceptable back then that are not now.

2chocolateoranges · 07/11/2025 23:12

a 16 yr old is still at school, WTF does a 22 year old man have in common with a school girl?

so wrong.

irogolem · 07/11/2025 23:09

I was 19 and got into a relationship with my driving instructor. It got quite serious, I moved in with him for about 2 years or so.

My parents said nothing - ridiculous.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 07/11/2025 23:09

Yanbu but its done now

Maybe she will divorce him in her 30s when she realises her worth

ScrambledEggs12 · 07/11/2025 23:08

When I was 16 I had a bit of a thing with a 26 year old. Probably would be illegal now as he was a Scout leader, although not my own Scout group.

Makes me feel quite uneasy looking back on it, although as far as I was concerned it was consensual at the time.

GooGooMuckMuck · 07/11/2025 23:07

I was 16 and he was 22, mind you I met him online when I was 15. He was a complete freak who groomed me and made me lie to my parents. Makes me sick thinking about it now and it took me at least 10 years to process it and realise it wasn’t my fault. 16 is nowhere near mature enough for that shit.

irogolem · 07/11/2025 23:06

goingundergroundnextyear · 07/11/2025 23:05

Mean and so dismissive of a long lasting marriage.🙄

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That age gap just wasn’t appropriate despite how long-lasting the marriage turned out to be

TempestTost · 07/11/2025 23:06

These days I'd say dodgy. That is, to pursue it. I don't think it's crazy that they might be interested in doing so. In which case the appropriate action, imo, is to wait a few years. Most young people that age wouldn't, they are too impatient and would just move on rather than wait, but I don't think there is anything wrong with maintaining a friendship until the younger person is 18 or 19.

In the past I don't think that necessarily holds. People were working adults much younger and I think that makes a significant difference. My grandmother had been out of school working for a year at that point, and my grandfather was in the army.

goingundergroundnextyear · 07/11/2025 23:05

irogolem · 07/11/2025 23:00

GROSS

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Mean and so dismissive of a long lasting marriage.🙄

irogolem · 07/11/2025 23:00

ultraviolet4753 · 07/11/2025 22:35

I was 16, husband 29. Married 22 years.

GROSS

RubySquid · 07/11/2025 23:00

youalright · 07/11/2025 22:37

This i think at that age its a big gap. Men in there 20s shouldn't be hanging around school girls

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It's only recently that 16 years olds are " schoolgirls," though. Back in the late 80s many 16 years olds were working full time

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 07/11/2025 23:00

The girl in question was 16, not 19 fgs! There is a VERY big difference between 16 and 19. And an even bigger difference between 16 and 22, vs between 19 and 25. A 16 yo is a kid, no matter how "mature" they look. The neocortex is nowhere near maturity.

Millenials find older men moving on young teenagers predatory and absolutely disgusting, and they are right in that.

Icanneverthinkofaname · 07/11/2025 22:59

ultraviolet4753 · 07/11/2025 22:35

I was 16, husband 29. Married 22 years.

Grim. How do you feel about this looking back on it now you're a mature adult? I hope you're ok.

Ghht · 07/11/2025 22:58

My snap judgement is that is weird and wrong. 22 year old me would never have thought of a child as a potential partner. However, when I was 17 myself my boyfriend was 22, nearly 23. He was lovely, and we met through some circumstances involving work experience and a friendship group formed from it. We became friends and things progressed organically. He was my 1st love and although we split after 2 years, I still think of him fondly 9 years later. But again, the dynamic was slightly off due to such a big age difference at those stages of life. I can’t imagine what it would be like with someone who had ill intentions.

TotHappy · 07/11/2025 22:57

FunnysInLaJardin · 07/11/2025 22:49

lol! When I first went round to DH's student house, his mate shouted "DH, there are some kids at the door for you" 😄

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CryMyEyesViolet · 07/11/2025 22:50

NoSourDough · 07/11/2025 22:48

19 and he was 27…been together 25 years. It was absolutely fine…

Same here, now been together 20 years, married for 15.

FunnysInLaJardin · 07/11/2025 22:49

TotHappy · 07/11/2025 22:39

I was 17 when me and DH, then 23 got together. It was noticeable enough that all his mates took the piss and his parents and my dad were worried, I know. But most of them weren't worried when they'd seen us together a few times. We met because we both rented rooms in a student house so similar life stages, lifestyles. It wasn't 'noncy ' because he wasn't predatory but there was a perception that it was and it worried him too at first.
I don't think anyone could look at us after a few years though and think that he's too old for me! Shoes firmly on the other foot.

Maybe you are one of my SILs, OP?

lol! When I first went round to DH's student house, his mate shouted "DH, there are some kids at the door for you" 😄

youalright · 07/11/2025 22:49

NoSourDough · 07/11/2025 22:48

19 and he was 27…been together 25 years. It was absolutely fine…

19 isn't a school girl big difference

NoSourDough · 07/11/2025 22:48

19 and he was 27…been together 25 years. It was absolutely fine…

Sassysia · 07/11/2025 22:41

I was 17 and my husband 24 when we met. We’re now 22 years together….its very dependent on the person in my opinion.

TotHappy · 07/11/2025 22:39

I was 17 when me and DH, then 23 got together. It was noticeable enough that all his mates took the piss and his parents and my dad were worried, I know. But most of them weren't worried when they'd seen us together a few times. We met because we both rented rooms in a student house so similar life stages, lifestyles. It wasn't 'noncy ' because he wasn't predatory but there was a perception that it was and it worried him too at first.
I don't think anyone could look at us after a few years though and think that he's too old for me! Shoes firmly on the other foot.

Maybe you are one of my SILs, OP?

youalright · 07/11/2025 22:37

JudgeBread · 07/11/2025 22:20

It's a bit noncey yeah.

This i think at that age its a big gap. Men in there 20s shouldn't be hanging around school girls

Waitaminutewheresmejumper · 07/11/2025 22:35

When I was in school, many years ago, this was not unusual. I dated several lads of a similar age when I was in 5th year/6th form. I think this seems less usual nowadays than it used to be.