To think a 22 year old dating a 16 year old is dodgy?

It’s perfectly normal to judge situations.

My mum and dad were those ages when they got together. They are still together now in their 60s and 70s.

I met my now husband when I was 16, he was 22, I liked him instantly but the age difference was definitely an issue and we were never in a relationship, however over the next year I left school, left home and matured a lot and made all the running in getting in touch with him again and meeting up as friends then moving it forward into a relationship.

we have been together nearly 40 years however I work with teenagers and the expectations are very different from the 80’s, it was normal to get a job and get a bedsit or leave home really young whereas now children live in the family home much longer and do not have to take on such an adult role until much later.

Why do you think you have the right to judg e the perfectly legal relationships of people you don't know?

On the face of it grim, there could be mitigating aggravating factors, but not something I’d want my kids on either side of.

DH and I met when I was 16 and he was 21. Together 30 years, married 25. It might be dodgy, it might be fine. If he's controlling that's not necessarily to do with the age gap.

I wouldn’t call it that, but if they are thinking of school kids they are right that over a year younger is a bit grim - a year 9 boy dating a year 7 girl, or a year 10 girl dating a year 8 boy is obviously unbalanced, because a 12 old vs a 14 year old is obviously a lot lot younger emotionally.

Obviously a 23 year old and 25 year old are much closer in maturity so there’s no issue by that age.

Yeah I find it quite grim. An ex of mine married his gf when she was 20, she was 16 when they got together he was 24 (and in teacher training). He left teacher training shortly afterwards.

Yes they have been married over 10 years now but it's still a bit grim!

Yeah its noncey. Completely normalised at the time and therefore acceptable then but still noncey.

No man who genuinely respects women as equals wants a girl who is barely through puberty as his mate. Blokes who deliberately choose much younger women are less intelligent and worried about a woman challenging them. Why would someone with robust self esteem want to be in a sexual relationship with someone barely out of childhood?

I have always found this gross, even in the 80s and 90s when it was considered natural. I always hated the fact having an older boyfriend was considered a status symbol. Yuck.

I wouldn’t have been remotely interested in a 22 year old at age 16. I was quite a ‘young’ 16 in that I didn’t go to pubs/clubs/drink socially (maybe a cider at a party). I met dh when I was 22 and he’s nearly 4 years older, but 16 and even 20 seems like a much bigger gap than 22 & 26.

As the word paedophile is someone who is attracted to pre pubescent children, which a 16 year old obviously isn’t, you are wrong. He was not a paedophile.

In the 90s it was normal. All the lads I went out with were much older. Girls looked adult at 16- they’d finished growing. Boys were still pretty childish.

The men I dated were really respectful- it was much slower paced than dating now. I didn’t have sex with any of them.

The man I married was the closest in age to me that I ever dated, and someone commented they thought he was a bit young for me.

Youngsters have changed such a lot- girls feel younger now and boys feel older!

Reminiscence aside, @Corall , be there for your SiL. Help her keep friendships alive and have a life beyond your brother, if you can. Make sure she knows you have her back.

That’s not what paedophilia is

A man aged 29 grooming a schoolgirl half his age is absolutely grim, I’m afraid.

This. It’s not always an abuse of power. Depends entirely on the two people involved.

Me and DH had a bigger gap when we met and I was 16.

I was 16 and my ex was 23 when we got together in the late nineties. To be fair to him, we’d been dating about 3 months before I told him how old I was, up until then he’d believed I was 18. We stayed together for 8 years and he was and still is a nice, normal person.

It was completely normal for girls to lie about their age back then. We had a choice between hanging out at the roller skating rink or hanging out at the pub, and the pub was infinitely more preferable, so we lied. The boys our own age seemed immature.

I don’t think it’s the age gap that’s the big concern but the fact that you say he is controlling. I dated a 24 year old when I was 16. Lovely, respectful guy. Made a point of wearing normal clothes (we were in the heavy metal crowd) the first time he came to meet my parents. As to what he saw in me, he was just a bit immature. He’d grown up living mostly with his grandma so I think there’d been issues.

I was 16 DH was nearly 22, I could never see myself with anyone nearer my age. 35 years married, together for 49 years.

Guidelines have been put in place nowadays because of what alot of people did when they were younger. What we did (me included) was wrong, but obviously we were too stubborn to take advice, hence now the legal guidelines.
A minor should not be in a relationship with anyone with more than a 3 year age gap.

Sorry, it was badly worded. They police themselves about age gaps, which I agree with, as it was the Wild West when I was young. I think 1 year is a bit extreme, yes, but from what I can understand you are “allowed” a bigger gap as you get older.

I was 16 and my ex husband was 23 when we got together (early 2000s). We stayed together 10 years. Although I don't think he was a perve, now I realise that for him it probably gave him an element of control that he wouldn't have had over a woman his age. He was very shy and I think he had confidence with me that he wouldn't have done with an older woman. Everything was always on his terms. On reflection, he had definitely watched too much porn and used to do things in the bedroom I would never have thought of and I would go along with it because I didn't have much self esteem. A few times I woke up to him having sex with me and I stupidly just let him carry on even though I was half asleep. I don't think I even really loved him but I had low self esteem and I was flattered that an older guy liked me. I saw the light when I was 25 though and divorced him (isn't that when your brain fully matures?)...I wouldn't want my daughters dating an older man at the age of 16.

My kids are 17 and 21 and they are literally same maturity level in my opinion. If my DD told me she was dating a 23-24yr old tomorrow I wouldn’t be concerned. My dad was 8yrs older than my mum and got together at 18 - 26, married a year later.

How rude!!

My Mil was 15 and FIL 20. I always thought was creepy but they were married for 40yrs before she died prematurely of cancer. Still creepy