To think a 22 year old dating a 16 year old is dodgy?

On IG there is a 'mummy' blogger who met her Husband when she was 13 and him 24 - he was helping out at her camping trip. They stayed together (apparently managed to resist each other until she was 16), married and now had 2 kids. She married at 21 and it absolutely baffles me that nobody seems to have noticed (including her) that he groomed her. Even her parents don't seem to mind (maybe because he is wealthy it makes a difference). I find it very disturbing that he is basically a paedophile with two young children.

@RubySquid

I know you were talking about people in jobs.

But the point is a 16 year old girl with a job without qualifications who gets knocked up is not going to have great prospects for work, particularly if the boy/man she gets knocked up by doesn’t stick around.

A woman of 18 with A levels and maybe a couple of years work experience or a 22 year old with a degree is likely to be in a better position to look after herself if the relationship didn’t work out.

I also think that if women become pregnant in their teens they are missing out on a huge amount of opportunities and experience which massively limits them. So all in all its not a good place to be in.

A bloke who wants to be with a girl at such a vulnerable age doesn’t have her best interests at heart. It’s trye may be shy and immature as opposed to actively predatory (although I think a lot of blokes who date younger women are quite predatory). But either way it’s a burden and a distraction the girl doesn’t need and why would he think its a good idea to go after her?

I’m not naive, I know it was normal way back then but that was also an era when girls and women faced massive discrimination at work and had little power in their marriages. Just because it was normal doesn’t mean it was good.

If my daughter aged 16 was in a relationship with a man six years older than her I would think very poorly of him and would do as much as I could to discourage it.

It depends on the situation, and I think from what you've said, you're wrong here.

In the 1990s some of my friends left school at 16 and went into apprentices and jobs where they would have been on the "shop floor" equivalent as those in their early 20s. A number went on to marry those they worked with and most have stayed together. They were clearly love matches, with neither pressurising the other.

In today's culture 16 is a school child, with two years of education to go, and 22 a graduate, or been in work 4 years, there is a difference - same as you notice a difference in behaviour of the 4yo at preschool and a 4yo at school, because they are in different phases of life.

But in those days, no, they were very much the same level.

And it does depend on the relationship and personalities too. When I was at uni one of the girls got engaged to a 47yo. Some of us had parents the same age, and we did feel weird about it.
But again, it was a love match, and I can tell you who wore the trousers in that relationship, and she was very happy. And when we met him, they were well suited.

I think people need to remember that when we judge our parents and grandparents by the standards we see today, that our children and grandchildren will also be judging us by their standards - and probably finding us wanting too.

It's a bit inappropriate and the fact he's controlling is a big red flag. I did have male friends of about 21 and my mate dated a 21 yo when we were 16 though. This was in the 90s.

I'd would question the qualities of a man in his 20s wanting to date a 16 yo now though.

@Financeisfun fair enough but I still don’t think its an optimal way to start a relationship.

lol

'I hope you're ok'!!!

Seems like none of your business and like you're trying to imply something terrible

Plus this was in the 80s, not the 60s.

It clearly was the right decision for them though. They are very, very happy, have a few children that are all happy, successful etc. There's nothing to change about their decision to be together. It was definitely the right one.

I was talking of 16 year olds will fill time jobs not at school which was normal when I was that age.

They are immature that's why

The jobs thing is a wholly different point though. I agree thar its unnecessarily hard for teenagers to find work.

But having a weekend job as a teenager is a whole other ballgame from having a sexual relationship with an adult male who could easily get you pregnant or be abusive.

I was working summer jobs at 13 doing fruit picking at a local farm, had a weekend job in Dunelm at 15 then at 16 got an evening job at a call centre while I was doing my A-levels. I agree with you, I can never really understand when people on here say that 16 is too young to get a part time job. It’s a great way to learn responsibility and start your assertions some independence and sets you up well for understanding and managing finances when you do go off to uni or move out as an adult.

Yes it's creepy.

Never the other way round is it?

I suppose the question for all those who are in/ have had age gap relationships in their teens, would you be absolutely OK with your DD's doing the same.

I can't imagine that now as an adult that you wouldn't see a 23 yr old meeting your 16 yr old at the school gates as a bit dodgy

It's never women in their 20s wanting to date 16 year old boys Is it.

A man of 22 is often at the same maturity level as a girl a few years younger. It's well known that girls mature faster. My DDs husband is 7 years older than her. He's not controlling in the slightest. They met when she was 18. From what he says about when he was younger if he had also been 18 at the time she wouldn't have been with him due to immature behavior on his part

I agree. I'm 65 now, grew up in a very popular seaside town in the north of England. Just about every kid from age 13 onwards had seasonal jobs in hotels, guesthouses etc. It wasnt exactly legal but nobody really bothered. At 16 you were either at college or in a full time job.
Quite a few of my friends age 16/17 had boyfriends of 20/21, nobody thought it was weird or noncy.
Nowadays parents seem to be too heavily involved in the lives of their teens, reading mumsnet tells us that!!
Every other day on Facebook there is a mum asking if anyone has any part time work for a 16/17 year old student. Are these kids no longer capable of looking for work for themselves?

But with respect to your parents, the length of a marriage doesn’t automatically justify this. People have come through all sorts of awful situations and turned out OK but it doesn’t mean it was the right decision.

Many people are stuck in marriages or don’t leave due to inertia. It isn’t some sort of stamp of quality that they have remained married.

I’m sure there are people who have met at these ages and gone on to have long and happy relationships.

Its a bit like relationships which started as affairs. Sometimes they do work out. But that doesn’t mean they started in an optimal way.

Its not the age gap in itself that’s the problem. Its the fact that a woman of 16 is barely through puberty, her brain is still developing and she’s inexperienced (both sexually and emotionally). A man of 22 who is drawn to that is either seeking to take advantage of her inexperience or he is inexperienced and possibly vulnerable himself.

This was tolerated in earlier times because the impetus for women was to get married as soon as possible to breed. It isn’t something we should support or encourage if we want women to be independent and have a well developed sense of who they are. Passable in the 1960s. Not remotely OK in 2025.

Why is it unacceptable for 16 year olds to have a job though? The infantilism of teenagers is ridiculous. I was a 16 year old in the 80s, certainly wasn't " hard done by"

It is in some places. Girls ca. repeat a year - happens quite often in 6th form and they’re still at school at 19. Child benefit can be paid up til 19

That's very odd. Just a thought, perhaps he was gay and wanted a beard?

It's quite common and not something I'd muster an opinion on

I was another teen who dated someone in their twenties back in the eighties. Never seemed weird then.

However, now I have young adult ds in their twenties, and would probably think differently with the roles reversed…