To find this statement from DP strange

My own thought was that he did mean he is happiest when his parents are there too (not instead of you), and he feels that if you are finding his mum difficult and want to back off from seeing her so much, he feels she is being unfairly ousted.

This makes sense, and explains why he cannot see a future.

If someone we love is not loved equally by the other 'someone we love,' then it creates a lot of stress and worry, and I do not take it to mean that he wants or needs you less, but that he gets that sense of complete happiness when everyone is together.

I am similar; I loved my ex to bits but I was happiest when we were together at his family home because it was such a wonderful place to be.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but is it really so odd that he should be relaxed and comfortable, maybe at his most relaxed and comfortable, around the people who raised him and have known him from birth? And who love him unconditionally?

It is true that in-laws are very often overbearing and reluctant to let their adult child go. It's also true that partners often try to detach the adult child from his or her parents and diminish their role in his or her life. Sometimes both these factors are simultaneously at play.

He is pathetic.

Your future is going to be riddled with manipulation and submersible control.

He is worse than MIL. Two peas in a pod.

Early parenthood is tough. Does his mum do lots of the heavy lifting with the chlldcare when he is there? I can imagine that someone taking on a major part of his responsibility would make him happy - if that's what is happening.

Obviously tough for you too. Relatives shouldn't interfere and respect your boundaries. And OH should be supporting you too.

he struggling to see a future for us

He's given her an ultimatum - love my parents or bye-bye. That's a world away from what you and @Wbeezer describe.

Is he struggling with being a new parent? I spent a lot of time with my parents when my first was a baby, I was suffering with PND and I just felt safe there (my DH was back at work so it didn’t cause any issues with him)

It can be difficult to adjust for both parents when you have a baby, you need to sit down with him and communicate clearly about how you’re both feeling.

This nails it. Get organised and leave.

Maybe this what he means as I love my kids and my husband but also love seeing my parents and spending time with them.

I’m another one thinking he probably meant happiest when his Mum and Dad are around alongside you and the baby, I remember feeling a bit like that when I had my first baby, especially at Christmas and other special occasions, it was a nice feeling of expanding my original family at the same time as stating my own new family.
it sounds like better communication is needed.

OP, what he says does sound strange, but I think you need to find some time when the baby is asleep, and ask him exactly what he means by what he said. Make it absolutely clear to him that you don't expect him to spend any less time with his parents than he has done previously, but that you no longer enjoy his Mum's company because she does X, Y or Z, and so when he goes to see them, you'd prefer to stay at home, but he can still take the baby if he wants to, and if they want to visit your house, you'd rather go out and meet up with a friend or something.

My ex, the father of my child, became quite resentful of the baby when it arrived, but when I realised he was jealous of the fact that the minute the baby cried, I went to check what was up, I pointed out to him that the baby was a helpless creature, who couldn't do ANYTHING at all for themself, whereas he was perfectly capable, and so for the time being our child would need my love and attention, more than he did. He sulked for a bit, then thought about it, and realised I was right. After that, he became as involved in the baby's life as he possibly could be, and helped as much as he could. At the end of the day, COMMUNICATION is KEY to a good relationship, and if you can't communicate for whatever reason, you might as well call it a day.

I would get a massive ick if my DP who I also have a child with told me he is at his happiest when he is with his mum and dad. I think I would honestly dry up like the sahara and would not be able to have sex with him again.

Send the manchild back to mummy and daddy and be free.

Ex was like this, even went to the dentist with them after our daughter was born 😂 he was 25 though not late 30’s. Time to send him back to Mummy & Daddy

What are the in laws doing that bothers you?

When I had my children I was also very happy to spend time with my parents to share the happiness of the new additions. May be he’s feeling the same?

Do you think there’s any chance he meant to say he’s happiest when you are all together, including his parents?? I mean, I don’t relate, but that might be more understandable.

I agree with others it sounds like he is a man child and it’s just coming to the fore since you’ve had a child. Did you use to cater to his every need? Did you live together long before you had a child?

My ex never committed to being a df.. For example he never spent a Sunday (dinner) with us, a birthday (his or the dc) or Christmas with us. Always with his dps. .
He was abusive however and it took me years to leave. As adults none of the dc have seen him since early teens. Simply no real relationship there.
Sorry you picked a twat to have dc with op..

Jesus Christ what a bloody dick!

I guess what he is saying is that he feels happiest when his parents are around and he’s struggling as you don’t feel the same way. Not sure where you go from here, but he needs to understand your point of view of course.

He wants his parents. He doesn't want to be a parent.

I'm so sorry @Totaleclipseofaheart.

I agree it is a weird statement.

The only defence, I can make is that some men feel pushed out - twos company, threes a crowd, as they’re used to be the centre of attention, and now mum has baby to focus on. Some men embrace the addition, others struggle with it. (Not an excuse, but an explanation). Maybe he feels he still the main centre of attention at his parents.

@99bottlesofkombucha has a good response.

By the way, you did the right thing in establishing boundaries.

He's hurt you're not as in to his mum as he is. Make it clear to him that HE can see her whenever he wants to but you don't have to see her all the time. A mama's boy who's happiest with his parents at his age and with a wife and child of his own is pathetic.

Off he pops

You say 'I thought we were really happy' but it sounds like he doesn't feel the same way.

I think you say that was a very strange thing to say - that you’re at your happiest with your mum or dad. If that’s how you feel uou should never have gotten into a serious relationship as it’s not fair on your partner, and you should absolutely never have had a baby, our baby deserves a much better dad than that. Now, are you only reluctantly here? Nobody is forcing you and nor am I going to stay in a relationship with you if that’s what you think, I deserve someone who is happy with me.

Send him home. Don't play the pick me dance with him and his dm. What a fucking man child.

he has recently told me that he struggling to see a future for us as HE IS AT HIS HAPPIEST WHEN HE IS WITH HIS MUM AND DAD.

Were there any other signs he hadn't cut the apron strings? Did he live independently of them as an adult?

It's a really bizarre thing for a new dad to say but you need to line up your ducks and prepare to be single if he prioritizes his mom and supports her interference in your lives.